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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is right? Very trivial

79 replies

SaltedButty · 26/01/2023 16:00

A couple are going out for Person A's family party on Friday night.

This couple hardly ever go out in the evening for drinks/parties and Person B states they don't have anything to wear.

Person B also states they are skint until payday and have no money in their account.

Person A states that they will pay for/lend them money until payday to buy a top.

Person A will send Person B money when they find a top

Person B thinks that Person A should just send them money now. Person A is notoriously bad at answering calls so Person B is worried about hanging around a shop waiting for bank transfer.

OP posts:
PixieLaLa · 27/01/2023 02:12

LTB!

ricepuddin · 27/01/2023 03:39

Oh, are you Person B OP? 😂

I assume if Person B earns a lot less, it would be mentioned in the context of Person A being stingy, as the post is already skewed towards Person B. So could it be a money reliability issue?

Person A may not want to "over lend" to someone not reliable with money. Not stingy, wants Person B to get a nice top, but just doesn't want excess cash falling into a black hole.

For example, if the top is £30 and they lend £50. Can Person A trust that the spare change will be returned (Person B may not be dishonest but flaky with money), or that the £50 will be returned in full or at all when payday comes?

I think Person A should lend Person B a lower "just nice" amount that could probably buy a nice top. Hand over the money. If Person B sees a top they love that's over that initial budget, they can call Person A for a top up, and will just have to hang around waiting for A to pick up.

Cocochat · 27/01/2023 03:51

Not much of a couple really.
If you’ve been together a while and especially if you have dc then there shouldn’t be a need to go cap in hand for a new top.

ricepuddin · 27/01/2023 04:03

@Cocochat I have ADHD and am awful with money and my partner has very kindly (and the negotiation usually turns humorous between us) issued me plenty of conditional loans before! Doesn't make us any less of a couple. And of course I'm working on my money reliability

Charlize43 · 27/01/2023 04:21

How do we know that Person B just won't spend the money on cakes?

ComfortablyDazed · 27/01/2023 04:46

Why do you need to anonymise this, OP. Grin

So funny. It’s entirely obvious you’re person B. Is us knowing your person B going to ‘out’ you?!

You’re being a wee bit demanding, given your partner is buying you a new top.

ArcticSkewer · 27/01/2023 05:10

Parent Child dynamic.
Both are invested in it.
The Child, B, needs to grow up and stop relying on mummy/daddy to fix their issues.
The parent, A, might quite fancy an adult relationship rather than all this parenting, in which case they would be relieved, or they may prefer B vulnerable, in which case they would be unhappy.

Really B has so many other solutions - why ask A for money at all?

ZekeZeke · 27/01/2023 05:14

Person B needs to tighten their belt and manage their money better.
If they are stone broke then they shouldn't be going out full stop.
They don't need new clothes they simply want them.

Cocochat · 27/01/2023 05:40

ricepuddin · 27/01/2023 04:03

@Cocochat I have ADHD and am awful with money and my partner has very kindly (and the negotiation usually turns humorous between us) issued me plenty of conditional loans before! Doesn't make us any less of a couple. And of course I'm working on my money reliability

Fair enough.
l’ve always been very sensible with money and can’t imagine a scenario where I wouldn’t be trusted to buy a new top.

BarbaraofSeville · 27/01/2023 06:08

Not enough information to call.

Is person B skint because they spend money like water and would have money if they didn't overspend?

Or is money not shared fairly in the relationship so person B doesn't have access to money to maintain a reasonable wardrobe?

How are finances generally? Do the couple have plenty of money and a shortage of clothes or is it the other way around?

Shoxfordian · 27/01/2023 06:14

How is person B planning to pay for their meal on Friday if they can’t afford a new top anyway?

GoodChat · 27/01/2023 06:25

How much money do you want him to send you? How does he know whether it'll be £20 or £50, or that you'll even find a top you like? Just take his bank card.

Coffeecreme · 27/01/2023 06:30

person b shouldnt be beholdent to person a lending money
person a is the family
person b should just make do

Coffeecreme · 27/01/2023 06:31

Charlize43 · 27/01/2023 04:21

How do we know that Person B just won't spend the money on cakes?

my thoughts!
and perhaps person A thoughts,
or beer,fags, and other friviolities

Guavafish1 · 27/01/2023 07:11

Person B = beggars can't be chosers (not up to them to decitate the terms of the loan).

How will they pay it back? Can they borrower clothes instead?

Person A = should communicate better

Insertusernamehere123 · 27/01/2023 07:23

Shoxfordian · 27/01/2023 06:14

How is person B planning to pay for their meal on Friday if they can’t afford a new top anyway?

She didn't mention anything about going for a meal in the op. Just said family party so it could be that she doesnt need money.

Anyway, person A is unreasonable unless they have reasons to believe the money they borrow person B will be spent on something other than a new top.

And it's not that hard to believe someone might not have something to wear for a party. I've put on a stone in the last few months and all that fits are hoodies because I buy them 2 sizes larger for comfort. I'd also have to go shopping if I was invited on a night out.

Aprilx · 27/01/2023 07:26

Sartre · 26/01/2023 16:37

Person A is being controlling and weird. Why would they insist on B finding the top first, a normal person would just send the money and tell them to buy whatever with it. Honestly, I’d just give my DH money if he needed it rather than loan it.

Why would they do this? Because not all tops cost the same and they don’t want to send £50 if the top ends up only being £10. B can find out how much the top they would like is going to cost, let A know and the money will be transferred, money transfers are immediate these days.

DH and I share all our money too and would never be in this situation, however we do not know who A and B are but it sounds like they have separate finances.

User12398712 · 27/01/2023 07:27

How long has person B known about the party? Has it just been sprung on them and now they are panicking about something to wear? Or have they known about for a couple of months, haven't got anything organised and are now being flakey and spouting excuses? Two very different scenarios.

SmileWithADimple · 27/01/2023 07:29

Person B shouldn't buy a new top if they're that short of money. Wear an old one instead.

Cracklingfire1 · 27/01/2023 07:32

Person B should just wear something they have already got.

WindscreenWipe · 27/01/2023 07:34

So, OP must be Person B because they’ve stated Person B’s feelings and justified their perspective but not done so for Person A.

What is Person A’s reasons for not transferring now? Access to funds, are you bad at repaying? Do they not trust you to spend it on a top? Do they not trust you’ll actually bother getting a top?

Most importantly, who the hell doesn’t shop online nowadays?!

Fragrantandfoolish · 27/01/2023 07:37

I don’t think this is trivial. I dislike how person b is behaving, grabby. Of course they have a top. They aren’t walking round naked. And demanding money like that. Nah.

autienotnaughty · 27/01/2023 07:38

Why wouldn't person A just send the money? Are they worried person B won't buy the top? Or that they will keep any surplus money or lie about cost?

Does person B just not want to go? Could person A go alone?

Is person A always controlling?

MichelleScarn · 27/01/2023 07:39

GoodChat · 27/01/2023 06:25

How much money do you want him to send you? How does he know whether it'll be £20 or £50, or that you'll even find a top you like? Just take his bank card.

So even though no history of why B states they 'have no money' just take his bank card? 🤔

Getamoveon36 · 27/01/2023 08:07

Person B should wear clothes they already have or stop moaning about Person As offer. Maybe Person A has experience of Person B blowing any money they have without buying the things they need..