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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Judged by Waitrose

429 replies

Prioryfodder · 26/01/2023 14:30

Waitrose would not let me buy alcohol because I was accompanied by my 15-year-old daughter. To explain, just before Christmas, I had bought a basket of groceries and two bottles of Malibu (actually destined for her older brothers Christmas stockings to make long island iced teas, but that's irrelevant IMO). She had briefly handled the bottles to put on the conveyor belt for me. We then waited some time for the cashier to clear. We were clearly together and frankly we are clearly mother and daughter. The cashier (rather smugly) said she would need ID from both of us to sell me the alcohol. I said I was 56 and she 15, but the alcohol was for me. She - and later her manager - asserted that we both had to be over 18, and to prove it. I asked if they would sell it to me if she left the shop. No. Would they sell it to me if she were 6-year-old? Yes, and I was ''not to be so silly'', said the cashier. My daughter feels she was judged as being an underaged drinker, and I feel judged to be a 'bad mother'. Vote: Yes, you are AIBU, you should never shop with your teenage child, you fool. YANBU, FFS at 56 you should be allowed to buy alcohol.
I am expecting a few cracks about buying Malibu and shopping at Waitrose. Please don't disappoint

OP posts:
DuckonaBike · 27/01/2023 22:20

You have my full sympathy OP. I have heard of this sort of thing before but couldn’t believe it could happen in Waitrose <clutches pearls>.

Also, you are indeed making Long Island Iced Tea all wrong but I can’t drink it anyway since an incident in 1992.

Hawkins002 · 27/01/2023 22:23

@Prioryfodder legally, in private residence your dd could drink the alcohol anyway, so not quite sure why the supermarket was being that way ?

WandaWonder · 27/01/2023 22:23

Yes there is a special department where they secretly employee people so they can train them how to judge people and not because the staff have been trained to follow a specific rule

Sure the staff themselves may think its odd but could lose their job if they don't follow it, or just doing it to annoy you, what is it?

halloumihater · 27/01/2023 22:24

I work for a supermarket and our training actually mentions this scenario. If we suspect (with good reason) that it is a "proxy" sale, we have the grounds to refuse the sale. We are told that parents with teenagers are ok to process unless it's explicitly clear that the sale is for the teenager (ie: witnessing the teenager picking the item, or hearing "mom can you buy this for me"). If your daughter was handling the alcohol, that is probably why there was a pause with the transaction (the cashier was probably weighing up the situation). Alcopops/Malibu/archers are notorious for younger people but at the same time, if you were having a meal at home, you could supply a glass of wine with a meal (which seems more potent IMO!). I would just assume that the cashier pondered and had reason for doubt when your daughter was handling the alcohol. In future, don't let your daughter touch the booze and state that there is no proof whatsoever that it is a proxy sale. I have sold alcohol to parents with teenagers before and as long as I have no reason to believe it is for the underage person, I have no grounds to ask for ID x

WestBridgewater · 27/01/2023 22:24

If your daughter hadn’t handled the bottles it would have been ok.

Pssspsss · 27/01/2023 22:26

Asda refused to sell my DH alcohol once as he was with me… he was 37 & I was 29 🤷‍♀️ We left all our shopping (a fair bit) on the packing area and fucked off to sainsburys

Lemonademoney · 27/01/2023 22:26

Blimey I had no idea about this rule! I regularly pick up a bottle of plonk when out with my eldest and it wouldn’t even occur to me that anyone would ever question my ability to make the purchase

ExasperatedbyJanuary · 27/01/2023 22:27

WestBridgewater · 27/01/2023 22:24

If your daughter hadn’t handled the bottles it would have been ok.

But the cashier could very, very easily choose not to see that. Who the hell would make a thing of it? The cashier is in no danger here.

Hawkins002 · 27/01/2023 22:27

halloumihater · 27/01/2023 22:24

I work for a supermarket and our training actually mentions this scenario. If we suspect (with good reason) that it is a "proxy" sale, we have the grounds to refuse the sale. We are told that parents with teenagers are ok to process unless it's explicitly clear that the sale is for the teenager (ie: witnessing the teenager picking the item, or hearing "mom can you buy this for me"). If your daughter was handling the alcohol, that is probably why there was a pause with the transaction (the cashier was probably weighing up the situation). Alcopops/Malibu/archers are notorious for younger people but at the same time, if you were having a meal at home, you could supply a glass of wine with a meal (which seems more potent IMO!). I would just assume that the cashier pondered and had reason for doubt when your daughter was handling the alcohol. In future, don't let your daughter touch the booze and state that there is no proof whatsoever that it is a proxy sale. I have sold alcohol to parents with teenagers before and as long as I have no reason to believe it is for the underage person, I have no grounds to ask for ID x

I understand and respect your perspectives and it's much appreciated, that said legally in the uk, the dd could drink the whole bottle and it's still legal if it's in private residence,

MotherOfLunatics · 27/01/2023 22:30

Supermarkets have no legal responsibility to prevent sale by proxy. Its illegal to buy alcohol for someone who is underage. Its not illegal to sell alcohol to someone who may or may not be making the purchase on behalf of someone underage.
Its utterly ridiculous, but common practice in most supermarkets to refuse sale if accompanied by a teenager.

Yb23487643 · 27/01/2023 22:32

I saw this happen to someone in Aldi and really felt for them. The child was about 11 too (was in my child’s year at the time) but really tall so was really confusing!!
Good it’s on this thread to make it more obvious to not take your teenagers or any who could be misconstrued as teenagers to the till!
you’re not being unreasonable but imagine it’s their policy and they’ve been told to be really strict or they’ve been stung recently.

Cocochat · 27/01/2023 22:33

nottoday300 · 26/01/2023 19:25

@Cocochat yes there are rules around paracetamol you have to be 16 and over and most cases only allowed 2 packets

Not legally you don’t.
Thats store policy.

WestBridgewater · 27/01/2023 22:35

ExasperatedbyJanuary · 27/01/2023 22:27

But the cashier could very, very easily choose not to see that. Who the hell would make a thing of it? The cashier is in no danger here.

Show quote history

They can’t choose not to see what happens. They don’t know whether they are a customer or trading standards (or whoever does mystery shopper test shops) it’s not worth losing your job or being fined for. I went to the supermarket with my DD23 over Christmas and she didn’t have her id on her so I didn’t let her carry the basket or handle the contents of the basket.

Yb23487643 · 27/01/2023 22:37

I would be so tempted to do that. Not to punish the cashier but so as not to reward ridiculousness towards myself.

Yb23487643 · 27/01/2023 22:39

That’s hilarious! 😂😂😂😂

bobbytorq · 27/01/2023 22:40

I had this in my local Coop. Total insanity. It effectively means you can't shop with your children/

Cherryblossoms85 · 27/01/2023 22:40

The whole world is full of utter bullshit made up rules enthusiastically peddled by jobsworths.

WestBridgewater · 27/01/2023 22:42

That said @ExasperatedbyJanuary I agree that it has gone too far.

OldFan · 27/01/2023 22:42

But the cashier could very, very easily choose not to see that. Who the hell would make a thing of it? The cashier is in no danger here.

@ExasperatedbyJanuary Some people have a thing called a conscience and they don't just act based on their own wishes. Or if they're doing a job they try to do it conscientiously. What they do is also no doubt being monitored to see if the managers are happy with it, too, so yes, if they didn't act according to policy there is potential they'll get in the shit themselves, and they will've been told that.

@Prioryfodder Blimey. I hadn't heard of this before either.

halloumihater · 27/01/2023 22:45

Hawkins002 · 27/01/2023 22:27

I understand and respect your perspectives and it's much appreciated, that said legally in the uk, the dd could drink the whole bottle and it's still legal if it's in private residence,

Show quote history

Absolutely, I’ve just read the guidance on it and she could. My post is just from a sales point of view. Unfortunately, our training is pretty black and white in the sense that we are told that any suspicions of a “proxy” sale must be taken seriously. When I serve alcohol to adults with teenagers, as long as they haven’t explicitly said at any point “can you buy this for me”, I’ve done my job and can state so if I am investigated for whatever reason! Rules within supermarkets probably need to made clearer in relation to the law, but unfortunately most sales people are just put on a full with basic training and fear for their jobs if they deviate from their training. Having said that, the manager should have been more clued up and authorised the sale.

Judged by Waitrose
Judged by Waitrose
IDontWantToBeAPie · 27/01/2023 22:47

This isn't unusual. Happens all the time with challenge 25. A worker once told my mother she wouldn't serve her alcohol while I was with her. It was rather amusing to whip out my ID showing I was 27 😂

But tbh you can't get annoyed because it's simply policy and she could lose her job if it was found that the booze was for DD.

juice92 · 27/01/2023 22:48

You are being unreasonable.

I worked in complaints for a supermarket chain for a few years and we'd get these complaints a lot.

If there is anything at all that the cashier could or should perceive as indicative as a proxy sale they should refuse it. If the sale was made and someone who was in to observe the store and saw that sale made, the staff member could end up with a personal fine plus losing their job.

It is absolutely nothing personal, it is based purely on the fact that your daughter is of an age where she might be bought alcohol by her parents, she handled the alcohol, and malibu is a pretty common alcohol for teens and young adults.

Using the 'but what if she was 6' argument makes no sense, as no-one buys their 6 year old alcohol, a 6 year old is unlikely to handle glass bottles and 6 year old aren't going round asking their parents for malibu.

This is likely to happen to you again.

halloumihater · 27/01/2023 22:48

Put on a *till

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 27/01/2023 22:49

lieselotte · 26/01/2023 16:38

Whatever you paid for the 3 courses definitely wouldn't touch the £10,000 fine that the server would have to pay

yes but only if a court decided that the server should have objectively realised that someone was 17 or under. In this case the poster's daughter was 22 so there would have been no fine as there was no offence.

They could legally have had a wine with a meal at 17

halloumihater · 27/01/2023 22:50

juice92 · 27/01/2023 22:48

You are being unreasonable.

I worked in complaints for a supermarket chain for a few years and we'd get these complaints a lot.

If there is anything at all that the cashier could or should perceive as indicative as a proxy sale they should refuse it. If the sale was made and someone who was in to observe the store and saw that sale made, the staff member could end up with a personal fine plus losing their job.

It is absolutely nothing personal, it is based purely on the fact that your daughter is of an age where she might be bought alcohol by her parents, she handled the alcohol, and malibu is a pretty common alcohol for teens and young adults.

Using the 'but what if she was 6' argument makes no sense, as no-one buys their 6 year old alcohol, a 6 year old is unlikely to handle glass bottles and 6 year old aren't going round asking their parents for malibu.

This is likely to happen to you again.

This is what I’m trying to say 😆