Page 3 | My MIL is better than yours…

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 2023-01-26T08:10:00+00:00

Just for balance, blatantly inspired by the other thread - genuine sympathies to those with a difficult relationship but I feel like the good MILa don’t often get a look in on here! I adore mine, she’s sweet and loving and dotes on my DC while respecting our role as parents. We text most days just to chat. She looks after my DD one day a week to save us on nursery bills and has offered to babysit both kids the evening of my birthday to DH and I can go out. My life is better with her in it. (And FIL, for the record!)

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 27/01/2023 10:24

I'm here to learn how to be a good mil as I hope to be one day.
I'm full of gladness for all the lovely mils (though sad I didn't get one), it gives me hope it's possible, it will be my answer to what I've experienced. Hooray for lovely mils. 💐

Climbles · 27/01/2023 10:33

My MIL emigrated to the UK as a very young woman. She went on to have a very successful and respectable career in a time where there was a lot of racism and sexism. She also faced difficulties when she married (white) FIL but didn’t let it stop her.
She is very generous with her time and money. She looks after our kids and dog whenever we ask (rarely as they don’t live near). She’s also a great cook and will always make lovely food for us every time we visit.

Builtforcomfortbutnotspeed · 27/01/2023 10:49

My mil is the best woman I’ve ever met
im nc with my narc family and she’s taught me not only what family is,she’s also taught me how to be strong,how to treat my own son’s girlfriends and how to love
she married my (darling) fil (who we lost in 2021-I adored him)
he was a heavy drinker-and in his own words ‘I was a real cunt to her’
they had two kids-my partner and a dd
the dd died of battens in 2000-my mil not only nursed her,she coped with fils drinking (as he wasn’t coping with the dd’s illness and being self employed) and brought up my wonderful partner
when fil was dying,she nursed him to the end as well
she knows just when to tell me to pack it in,to keep her nose out,when to side with me-she never gets it wrong

i just wish she’d been around when I had my own babies as my own mother was as useful as a sack of potatoes

if I’m half the mil she is,then my future dils and I will be just fine

SleeplessInEngland · 27/01/2023 10:50

It's been suggested before but there should be a separate sub-forum for MIL problems. There are just so damn many on AIBU.

MrsMikeDrop · 27/01/2023 10:51

10speckledfrogs · 26/01/2023 08:22

My MIL is amazing

She waited until we were ready for visitors after our first child was born - everyone else swooped in while I was still catheterised and recovering from a big bleed, couldn't move my legs after needing surgery to remove the placenta - was so embarrassed.

she waited, and when she did come she helped by actually caring for me, ushering everyone out and helping my husband get me clean and asking if I was OK before even looking at the baby. (The hospital staff hadn't even changed my pad or wiped the blood off my legs, I couldn't do it myself because my legs were numb, and I couldn't help enough for just my husband to be able to do it, needed two people)

She helped me establish breastfeeding by sitting with me and correcting latch for as long as I needed her - she would come and make me a cup of tea and sit with me for hours while I fed and worried if I was doing it right

She picks up good deals on clothes for my little girl

She is always there for a chat if needed and is so comforting when things are hard (I'm overseas from my own mum) she gives the best hugs

She is always available for a coffee and to set the world to rights, but doesn't impose or assume anything either.

She stands up to the rest of the family for me when I'm having issues with my anxiety and don't want to visit anywhere (I get long periods where I am unable to leave the house and barely functioning)

I feel like she really has my back and cares about me as a person instead of me just being the one who birthed her grandchild

I count her as a genuine friend, I love spending time with her and I love her.

This is beautiful, you should wrote her a card with some of these words. She will treasure it

VoluptuaSneezelips · 27/01/2023 11:49

I really miss my MIL, she was an amazing in-law, parent and grandparent. She was a genuinely kind and caring woman, easy to talk to and always had your back. She was like my 2nd mum and I called her that often, I always let her knew just how much I loved and cared for her. Im so fortunate to have had her in my life.

For all those Mumsnetters who also have wonderful MIL im sure they know how you feel about her but I hope you all take the time to actually tell your MIL.

MuggleMe · 27/01/2023 12:01

My in laws are fantastic. Now our girls are 5&8 they take them for 2 or 3 nights over half term etc so we don't need to worry about childcare and get evenings to ourselves. Regularly do jobs like mending curtains, always on the look out for next size up clothes etc.

Blossomtoes · 27/01/2023 12:12

I wish I’d met both my MiLs, sadly they both died before I married their sons. By all accounts they were both lovely people. My bloke’s mum must have been wonderful because his ex wanted her to live with them when she was widowed.

SerafinasGoose · 27/01/2023 12:28

Your MiL very likely is better than mine.

Congratulations. You've been fortunate. I'd very much like to be able to say the same.

Lollipopsicle · 28/01/2023 08:47

I'm won't officially be a MIL until later this year, but we've had our beautiful future DIL in our lives for a few years now and I adore her. We have lots of joint interests, we chat and laugh, we text, and we both love my son very much. I'm looking forward to hopefully having DGC one day and helping to support and care for them as much as my DS and DDIL want me to.

NancyJoan · 28/01/2023 09:45

Mine is lovely. I just had a long phone conversation with her about books, the garden and what we’re both doing this weekend.

She’s a fairly hands off grandmother, but we live far away, so that’s understandable. And my two children are her 9th and 10th grandchildren, so interest has perhaps waned. Glad hear about exam results, see them a couple of times a year, tell me how lovely they are.

She’s doing a wonderful job of caring for FIL, who is getting increasing frail and demented and I wish it were easier for us to see them more.

However, if my SIL were on this thread she would tell a different story. The two of them dislike each other, and have no relationship at all.

ChillysWaterBottle · 28/01/2023 10:14

Mine's brilliant and has been very good to me. She does regular childcare and baby absolutely adores her.

Whatatimetobealivetoday · 28/01/2023 10:24

I like the gist of your post but I think if we take away the title MIL then we need to remember that MILaws are people and people come in all levels of twattyness and niceness.

MILaws have their own issues and have the issues they present as a MIL might also present in other parts of their lives too.

Some MILs sound absolutely awful just like some partners do.

Strawblue · 28/01/2023 10:28

My late MIL was a wonderful, welcoming, caring and all-round lovely person and MIL. When DS came along she was lovely - never a negative issue at all. Now my own DM is another kettle of fish - a narcissistic witch who made me feel like I was a terrible mother, incompetent, etc. Now NC. She wasn’t nice to DH either.

When I see threads about horrendous MIL and DIL I just hope I never end up in these situations. Some DIL can be just as horrific as MIL.

SkaterGrrrrl · 28/01/2023 15:10

I adore my mother in law. She is caring and kind but never interferes. We are always welcome at her house but never guilted or pressured into visiting. We have lovely chats and share books. She makes cakes for the DCs birthdays. She is great fun playing boardgames with a glass of wine. While she would never call herself 'a feminist', she raised her son to be a considerate husband who does his equal share of housework and childcare.

WestBridgewater · 28/01/2023 15:24

My MIL was a woman of many contradictions.
Would give you her last penny, yet always skint.
Did a lot of work for the church but helped herself to the jumble sale without paying
A functional alcoholic and heavy smoker that never suffered any withdrawal symptoms when in hospital
Very thoughtful but completely selfish.
Swore she didn’t, but smoked in bed.
Wore a nicotine patch but continued to smoke.
Would ask for a specific dinner only to then leave it after not trying it.
I loved her dearly but it’s so much easier now she’s dead.

SunshineLollipopsRainbow · 28/01/2023 18:08

My husbands MIL is wonderful ❤️

Rosecoffeecup · 28/01/2023 18:13

10speckledfrogs · 26/01/2023 08:22

My MIL is amazing

She waited until we were ready for visitors after our first child was born - everyone else swooped in while I was still catheterised and recovering from a big bleed, couldn't move my legs after needing surgery to remove the placenta - was so embarrassed.

she waited, and when she did come she helped by actually caring for me, ushering everyone out and helping my husband get me clean and asking if I was OK before even looking at the baby. (The hospital staff hadn't even changed my pad or wiped the blood off my legs, I couldn't do it myself because my legs were numb, and I couldn't help enough for just my husband to be able to do it, needed two people)

She helped me establish breastfeeding by sitting with me and correcting latch for as long as I needed her - she would come and make me a cup of tea and sit with me for hours while I fed and worried if I was doing it right

She picks up good deals on clothes for my little girl

She is always there for a chat if needed and is so comforting when things are hard (I'm overseas from my own mum) she gives the best hugs

She is always available for a coffee and to set the world to rights, but doesn't impose or assume anything either.

She stands up to the rest of the family for me when I'm having issues with my anxiety and don't want to visit anywhere (I get long periods where I am unable to leave the house and barely functioning)

I feel like she really has my back and cares about me as a person instead of me just being the one who birthed her grandchild

I count her as a genuine friend, I love spending time with her and I love her.

What a lovely post. She sounds wonderful.

Nothingbuttheglory · 28/01/2023 18:13

Did anyone else read the thread title and think

My MIL she brings all the boys to the yard
And they're like, she's better than yours
Damn right, she's better than yours

...?

bellocchild · 28/01/2023 18:13

My MIL was wonderful, and a fantastic granny too. We all miss her. She lived until she was two weeks short of her hundredth birthday.

Rachie1973 · 28/01/2023 18:27

Both my late in laws were fantastic. They took my 4 kids on as their own grandchildren. The only proper grandparents they had and they’re all better adults for it.

my MIL taught me how to be a good MIL. I don’t offer unsolicited advice, I don’t overstep boundaries. I respect my DIL’s and SIL’s position as the most important people in my children’s lives.

NancyJoan · 28/01/2023 19:35

candyflosstheboss · 27/01/2023 08:33

Mine was wonderful, like an extra mother for 22 years.

Her son had an affair and left me, she cut me off and never spoke to me again.

Blood is thicker than water.

You know, my MIL and I are close and really enjoy each others company, but I’m certain she would also do this. Weird, innit?

Mommabear20 · 28/01/2023 21:02

I love my MIL too! She's a lovely woman and has always made me feel loved and a part of the family, she dotes on my DC and they love her dearly!

youshouldnthaveasked · 28/01/2023 21:05

My FIL and SILs are lovely, and completely under the thumb of my controlling MIL.

I envy people with lovely MILs

saraclara · 28/01/2023 21:14

NancyJoan · 28/01/2023 19:35

You know, my MIL and I are close and really enjoy each others company, but I’m certain she would also do this. Weird, innit?

Show quote history

My MIL would absolutely have stuck with me.

I remember her once asking me "if you and (DH) ever split up, you wouldn't cut yourself off from us, would you?". I was shocked that she even needed to ask, and of course she had no cause to worry about our marriage. But apparent;y she'd been talking to her friend whose son and DIL had split up, and DIL had moved away with the children and refused to have anything to do with her PILs.
Of course, I don't know the background to that, but it had clearly worried MIL that it could ever happen to her.

Obviously I was able to reassure her. I loved her, she loved me, I couldn't imagine life without her, and I would want her to remain central to our children's lives.