Unpopular opinion but surrogacy as a choice is a bit gross?

[Janedoe95]

I was just reading about Paris Hilton and obviously i don’t know the full story but it seems like she just used a surrogate because her friends do for convenience.

obviously if you have no choice I completely understand but if it’s just because pregnancy is hard I think it’s a bit wrong taking a newborn baby away from the only person they’ve known for 9 months

especially as pregnancy itself prepares you to care for a newborn and changes your brain for that purpose.

am I just being very judgmental

If you say so.

Even if it's for medical reasons, it's still incomprehensible and wrong. No one has a right to a child.

What a load of tosh. Removing a baby from its mother causes lifelong trauma. It's certainly not the case that babies don't care who looks after them . They can't tell anyone that's all.

@TheOriginalEmu i almost agree with you but when I was 18,19 20 even 21 if we were paid in England I would’ve done it 100%

For 50K I’d be able to pay off Uni or get filler maybe a nose job) now I’m older im glad I didn’t do those things

but my point is when you’ve never had a child or experienced pregnancy you don’t know what you’re getting in to I think surrogates are being taken advantage of if I’m honest

now as a mother I know how hard pregnancy is and it’s 100% worth it but it must be so hard to hand over a baby

This.
Also, you've just said yourself you don't know the full story so I think you're a bit gross and judgemental to start another thread about it.
I take it you've never been infertile and desperate for a child, or desperate for money that you'd consider being a surrogate. I haven't either, but I'm assuming it's a complex topic ... and can't be boiled down to "being a bit gross" 😑

obviously if you have no choice I completely understand

Why would there be ‘no choice’? Not being able to have a child doesn’t justify surrogacy.

Ideally children really need to know where they came from, even if their parents are not or cannot be in their lives.

there is (rightly IMO) a large amount of time and energy spent with children who have been fostered or adopted completing birth family books, looking at photos of their biological parents, talking about them and explaining in appropriate terms why the child cannot be with them.
hopefully to ease some of the potential challenges that can come with not knowing your parentage.

we know all of this, it’s very evidence based, and it seems odd that it’s held as vitally important for children in care but not for those born to surrogacy.

I quoted @VestaTilley and meant to say I agree with everything written.

I don’t understand why you would want to have a baby via a surrogate if you’ve already carried your older children. Went my second was born I didn’t know that she was a girl but I did know she liked to sleep a lot, and kick me at midnight! The bond was already there. It must be quite bizarre to be handed a newborn, I think I’d want to give it back on day2!

It is not a bit gross, it is arborant. It is human trafficking and taking advantage of poor women's bodies all rolled into one.

Not to mention the poor baby who gets taken away from its mother. We don't let puppies get taken away from their mother until 8 weeks old. We treat dogs better.

I think she had fertility issues but I do share the views on surrogacy

I think surrogacy is always wrong no matter the reason. Should be banned.

One of the worst aspects of surrogacy(international surrogacy anyway) is when the baby is ‘faulty’ and the people renting the womb decide they don’t want it anymore. Disgusting.

There will be human farms in the future. I imagine in some deep dark corner of the world that there already are. The depravity of the elite classes is scary.

So people should not ever give up their children at birth then? Or adopt?

I am childless because i am not willing to risk the birth injuries and common lifelong ailments women who go through pregnancy and childbirth suffer. I don't want stress urinary incontinence, possible fecal incontinence, prolapses, potentially having to put fingers in my vagina to support/put pressure on the back wall to be able to have a bowel movement. I dont want an episiotomy or a tear, and the healing issues with ongoing pain those can cause, or potential fistulas and nerve damage from forceps, or being literally cut open and my organs taken out for a C section, that can leave a lot of scar tissue with numbness, tingling or pain ongoing issues.
I would never expect or accept another woman to risk these injuries either, to then hand the baby over to me. No realistic ammount of financial compensation would make any of the above "worth it" in my opinion.

YANBU . Grotesque.

Infertility is horrible and heartbreaking but it absolutely does not give someone the right to use another woman’s body for their own gain. It really is as simple as that.

Yanbu if it’s just a case that women don’t want the inconvenience/ body changes that come with pregnancy, and not because they’re unable to conceive.

Being a parent surely is loving your child above all else. It’s a truly selfless act. These celebrity mothers are failing at the first hurdle.

There is a 'surrogacy village' in India where hundreds of impoverished, illiterate women are brought to get pregnant and have children for wealthy, predominantly foreign couples.

In theory, they have some regulations (e.g. the surrogate must not have had more than x previous pregnancies, she must be aged between x and y, her husband must consent etc.) - in practice it's India, it's hugely corrupt, and the men who bring the women there, sign on their behalf, and take a hefty fee are nothing to do with the family.

The women live there for months on end, leaving their own children behind. They risk their lives and health, but can earn enough money to feed their families for a year.

It is grossly exploitative, dangerous, and corrupt. This is the natural result of endorsing the idea that you should be able to sell your own body for money.

You don't need to wait for the future. That happens now.

But some people do surrogacy for good and compassionate reasons. I know a family where the women' sister (who had already had three children of her own) was the surrogate for the couple's final IVF embryo after the others had failed. The child is biologically the couple's; the sister carried the baby, who is her niece.

www.hindustantimes.com/health-and-fitness/the-half-mothers-of-anand/story-0snxcL9TycKZ38QusrKNGI.html

timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/is-it-the-end-of-road-for-gujarats-baby-factory/articleshow/67213098.cms

It’s really not for you to pass judgement or set limits on what other women do with their bodies. Simple as that.

This.