Would this wind you up from MIL and SIL ?

[umbrellaellaeheheh]

It's minor but I've noticed it happens a lot..

My son is 3 and barely needs a booster seat at our dining table, as our chairs are quite high and they're like little arm chairs. A pillow does the job.

Whenever he's at MIL house, she insists on putting him in a high chair. I think it's a bit ridiculous. He can easily sit at the table with a booster and even without, he manages fine. But her house, her rules. No harm done.

Whenever she's at my house with SIL and I set him up to eat. Set his place etc, they're always commenting on if he's ' ok ' to be sitting like that or does he need another pillow or booster seat or high chair. I always say, he's absolutely fine, which he is. They then always want him to use the teeny tiny cutlery or they want him to eat with a tea spoon. I think he eats better with normal cutlery and does just fine. But again, every time without fail, they'll say whether they should get him the small cutlery etc.

It annoys me because it's my house and I've set him up that way and continue to set him up that way, so why do they need to keep banging on about it ? It's just disrespectful. He'll be eating and they'll turn to me and say ' shall I get him a small spoon ? '.

He eats fine, he's just a kid. Sometimes he struggles eating from a teaspoon and manages much better with a big spoon.

Yes, this is a non issue in the grand scheme of life, but it's annoying when people do stuff like this repeatedly.

It's a bit irritating but I wouldn't call it disrespectful. Presumably they're trying to help? Just say "no he's fine" and carry on.

People are annoying! I find most people have annoying aspects to them. They may well find you annoying at times.

If this is your only real gripe with them, I'd let it go. It'll reduce as he gets older and he'll look ridiculous in your MILs highchair within the year. I mean, he's nearly school age.

How does she get him to fit into a high chair?!

It's annoying, not disrespectful though.
Just say he's fine and end the conversation.

I'm definitely annoying.

I mean I'm not going to start a fight about it, but it's just an extra thing in a long list. But I can deal with it. I just wondered if people would find that annoying too or whether my general feelings towards them have clouded my judgement.

Its een a while since mine were that age but I kind of see their point about the cutlery, surely a smaller set would be easier for him to use?

I just picture his tiny hands with massive knife fork and spoon.

I cant comment on the table but again I wonder if they have a point and hes really low down, think how high up you are when you eat and the size difference between you and him.

I'm not really sure. She removes the tray and straps him in somehow. It's silly.

It's a difference of opinion on child rearing. There's two of them, so they give each other the confidence to not let it drop. It's annoying but as said not disrespectful.

They're probably just going on what they've always done and aren't really thinking. I definitely wouldn't think of it as a plot. I'd imagine MIL always did it some way, SIL followed her Mum and that's just the way from their point of view.

Honestly he's fine. Especially with a big spoon. He doesn't really use a big knife.

And he's absolutely fine at the table. He's tall and he's at a good height with a pillow and the chairs give great back support.

But even if it was all wrong, surely they could just shut up as it's what I want to do in my own home.

My nearly 3 yo (who is teeny for her age) hasn’t sat in a highchair or used baby cutlery for nearly a year, she has strong opinions on them and I’ve got other battles to fight. As long as she eats that’s all that matters.

It sounds irritating but I think you just have to keep repeating no he’s fine as he is and let it wash over you.

Yeah it’s annoying but many MNetters always like to pretend they’re totally laid back and zen about such minor irritants.

My MIL does the "is she OK? Shall I just..." thing to my BIL about his 3yo and it makes me want to throw something at her. It's not even aimed at me and it drives me mental. In her case, there's an implication that he's a mediocre parent & doing it wrong, which he 100% is not. So yeah, I would be irritated too. But it all depends on the context, I guess for some it could be an attempt at being helpful.

Is it a safety concern? Children in highchairs are more secured. They sound caring not disrespectful 🙄

YANBU. They’re not trying to be helpful (if they were they’d only mention it once). They’re telling you they don’t agree with what you’re doing and think their way is better, so they’re going to keep pestering you.

I also wouldn’t allow them to put him in a highchair. He’s not a baby and it’s unnecessary.

No wonder there are so many threads in MIL /DIL I just don’t think this would even enter my
head as annoying. I’m a bit shocked to be honest

There’s no safety concern. He’s 3. He’s too big and old for a highchair.

Yup exactly! They do it with other stuff too. Just repeat it over and over again, hoping I'll do it how they think it should be done. That's why I do think it's disrespectful. I wouldn't dare do that to someone. If they'd only done it once, fine. But over and over again is just blatantly saying that they think I'm doing it wrong.

My MIL does it as well with other stuff. Like I'm stupid and don't notice what she's really trying to say.

'Don't you think this has a bit too much salt in it? '

' don't you think he should still nap ? ' ( after she's asked me whether he still naps 100 times and I've said no... it's the repetition factor that gets annoying.

@umbrellaellaeheheh why does it bother you if they think you're doing it wrong?

I couldn't give a hoot what anyone else thinks about what I'm doing in relation to my kids. If I think I'm right, that's the end of it. They could ask me questions til the cows come home but just tell them "this is how I'm doing it, please don't interfere". I personally think you saying that would be rude, but if they're really annoying you, it's fine to say it I think.

They're not being disrespectful and I think you should chill out over it really.

It’s very irritating and smothering and exactly the kind of thing mine would do. However not sure what you can respond with if you want to have a civil relationship with them 🤷‍♀️. I deal with it by sort of blocking it out and nodding and smiling and at the same time limiting the amount of time I spend with them where at all possible.

Honestly I would insist he sit at the table at her house now. He is not a baby and it seems like they are trying to baby him. Tell them it is not good for his development to be restricted in the way he sits and eats.

It is definitely annoying to have your parenting decisions questioned but people do it just because they can. It's an odd phenomenon that isn't going to go away until they're a bit older. Not worth thinking about.

It definitely is disrespectful to repeatedly keep suggesting someone parents differently every single time, don’t get why people think it isn’t! Clearly you know what’s best and he’s your child!

Yes I would find them really, really annoying. I think I'd have to say something pointed enough to let them know that. Although the look on my face would probably do that for me.

Have you ever indicated to them that their constant, repetitive comments are less than welcome?

I feel like I’ve missed some sort of important parent memo. My DD has just turned 3 and still uses a high chair, she’s too short for our dining chairs and it sits her nicely at the table. She can get in and out just fine.

When are they meant to stop using them?! What should we be using instead??