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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would this wind you up from MIL and SIL ?

98 replies

umbrellaellaeheheh · 25/01/2023 13:20

It's minor but I've noticed it happens a lot..

My son is 3 and barely needs a booster seat at our dining table, as our chairs are quite high and they're like little arm chairs. A pillow does the job.

Whenever he's at MIL house, she insists on putting him in a high chair. I think it's a bit ridiculous. He can easily sit at the table with a booster and even without, he manages fine. But her house, her rules. No harm done.

Whenever she's at my house with SIL and I set him up to eat. Set his place etc, they're always commenting on if he's ' ok ' to be sitting like that or does he need another pillow or booster seat or high chair. I always say, he's absolutely fine, which he is. They then always want him to use the teeny tiny cutlery or they want him to eat with a tea spoon. I think he eats better with normal cutlery and does just fine. But again, every time without fail, they'll say whether they should get him the small cutlery etc.

It annoys me because it's my house and I've set him up that way and continue to set him up that way, so why do they need to keep banging on about it ? It's just disrespectful. He'll be eating and they'll turn to me and say ' shall I get him a small spoon ? '.

He eats fine, he's just a kid. Sometimes he struggles eating from a teaspoon and manages much better with a big spoon.

Yes, this is a non issue in the grand scheme of life, but it's annoying when people do stuff like this repeatedly.

OP posts:
Changechangychange · 25/01/2023 17:33

Raindropsdrop · 25/01/2023 13:24

How does she get him to fit into a high chair?!

It's annoying, not disrespectful though.
Just say he's fine and end the conversation.

DS is 6, and still occasionally asks to sit in the high chair in restaurants for fun. Get out again pretty quickly, but he does fit.

Maray1967 · 25/01/2023 18:17

Mine gave my DS a small plate (breakfast/salad plate) for Sunday dinner a few months ago - I passed it to DH who took it back to the kitchen and got a full sized one instead. MIL noticed the swap and expressed some surprise.
DS is 14.

Twazique · 25/01/2023 18:18

I would kindly ask her if she is having memory problems, that should reduce the number of times she asks about his naps.

saraclara · 25/01/2023 18:28

Twazique · 25/01/2023 18:18

I would kindly ask her if she is having memory problems, that should reduce the number of times she asks about his naps.

Then you would be incredibly spiteful.

A simple 'I'm not going to discuss this again' is the appropriate, adult, and proportionate response.

Emmamoo89 · 25/01/2023 18:33

YANBU X

Twazique · 25/01/2023 18:34

Unless she is having memory problems, hence the kindly.

Wibbly1008 · 25/01/2023 18:36

I would repeat “no, he is fine.” Then say “let’s not talk about this again, as you always ask me that and I always say he is fine.” Then smile and walk away.

if your child is too big for a high chair then knock that on the head too. A simple “no, he is too big for that now and he could end up getting hurt” will suffice. If he is a big 3 yr old he could end up with straps cutting into him or the table pinching his legs. If you don’t like it, tell her no and be firm about it.

saraclara · 25/01/2023 18:40

Twazique · 25/01/2023 18:34

Unless she is having memory problems, hence the kindly.

Except that is not remotely what you meant by your post, was it?

CrispyTofu · 25/01/2023 18:40

My Mum used to do this, repeating the same thing over and over again, either questioning my parenting or hoping I'd do things her way I presume.......Until one day I had a 'serious' talk to her about her 'forgetfulness' and 'repetitive conversations'. I asked her to make an appointment with her GP and told her I was worried about her cognitive health 🤣🤣. She didn't see the GP and stopped going on so much after that!

Hankunamatata · 25/01/2023 18:45

Mil had full set if ikea kids plastic cutlery and plates. Dc didn't mind. It was just diffirent at grannies to home

superking · 25/01/2023 18:47

This would massively irritate me too - checking once or even twice is fine but asking every single time they visit is them trying to tell you you're doing it wrong. I'd say something like "He's absolutely fine and very happy as he is, that's what he's used to and he doesn't need smaller cutlery or any more cushions. It's no problem if it makes you happy to have him in a high chair at your house but this is how we do it here." Then if there's a next time I'd be a bit more arsey - "I said last time that there's no need ".

saraclara · 25/01/2023 18:47

CrispyTofu · 25/01/2023 18:40

My Mum used to do this, repeating the same thing over and over again, either questioning my parenting or hoping I'd do things her way I presume.......Until one day I had a 'serious' talk to her about her 'forgetfulness' and 'repetitive conversations'. I asked her to make an appointment with her GP and told her I was worried about her cognitive health 🤣🤣. She didn't see the GP and stopped going on so much after that!

And again, just cruel and unnecessary.

Holiday1999 · 25/01/2023 18:51

Mentioning this once is OK but if it’s every time you are at the table with your son it is undermining

moleeye · 25/01/2023 19:03

My 3 year old would fight tooth and nail if we tried to put him in a high chair 😂

ssd · 25/01/2023 19:07

Im thinking they may have a point

Georgyporky · 25/01/2023 19:25

MIL didn't do this, my own DM did.
Every time she said something like "Shall i.. ", "do you think..."

I said no.

I think I must have started the MN trend for "No is a complete sentence".

Patineur · 25/01/2023 19:45

I'm not sure I could avoid a few passive-aggressive responses along the lines of "Yes, he managed fine with big cutlery last time you came, nothing has changed since then except that he's a month older and manages even better".

CrispyTofu · 25/01/2023 21:50

@saraclara are you my mother? Hmm

saraclara · 25/01/2023 22:01

CrispyTofu · 25/01/2023 21:50

@saraclara are you my mother? Hmm

Clearly not. My DDs are nice people.

CrispyTofu · 25/01/2023 22:03

Ha ha maybe you should take a leaf out of their book? @saraclara

CrispyTofu · 25/01/2023 22:04

@saraclara feel free to check out my posts on the Stately Homes thread Wink

Boringcookingquestion · 25/01/2023 22:07

In your shoes I’d stop letting her make parenting decisions when you’re at her house. You’re still his mum so you decide whether he sits in a highchair. I think you have to be firm with overbearing people or they just keep ‘asking’ why you’re doing X, Y and Z repeatedly and that would drive me mad.

KettrickenSmiled · 26/01/2023 21:00

saraclara · 25/01/2023 22:01

Clearly not. My DDs are nice people.

Remind us all what you were just saying about cruel & unnecessary remarks saraclara?

Not sure what came first, the sanctimony or the hypocrisy, but those traits do tend to occur in tandem.

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