Party dress code

[Oneflewoverthecuckoosnests]

We are in a cost of living crisis and one of my sons friends is having a 21st birthday party. Dress code is black tie. My son is an unemployed skint student. Most of the friend group are. I don’t know where he will get a suit from and I really don’t want to pay for one that he will use once. Am I being unreasonable to think my son may not be able to go to the party? Is the host being unreasonable to put a black tie dress code on the party?

yabu - I should pay for the suit and suck it up
yanbu - Hosts parents should have been more sensitive to people’s finances before wanting everyone to dress like James Bond

Charity shop, probably less than a fiver.

How long do you have to find one?

Vinted may be a good bet, or see if you have any local Buy Nothing or zero waste style groups where you can ask?
You'd be surprised what people are willing to part with.

Does he not own a white shirt and a pair of black trousers?

If so he could pop into a charity shop for a black blazer of some kind and a tie.

Surely it doesn't have to be a fitted designer tuxedo.

Charity shop, primark shirt is super cheap with black trousers… doesn’t have to break the bank at all. He should have a basic suit for job interviews anyway.

Hate this new ‘we are in a cost of living crisis’ being used for everything now, it’s the new ‘because of covid’ thing. Your son should get a part time job so he can afford these things himself though.

Does he have dark trousers and a white shirt? Then just need a bow tie.

Good points. I shall hit the charity shops. We do have some notice - it’s the end of March.

He could rent it.

I do get what you mean about the whole cost crisis thing but I thought it would make people more aware that asking someone to be affording things like that might not be great right now.

Sorry that last post I quoted the wrong person

My son is an unemployed skint student. Most of the friend group are.

I think when you’re young the fun is in part trying to do everything super cheap? Even going to a 30th Black Tie party nobody wanted to spend loads and it was fun!

Also why does the responsibility fall on the hosts parents/you? 21 year olds are adults.

As PPs pointed out he can try combination of charity shops and Primark to find something suitable and you have plenty of notice so hopefully it will work .
However I agree with you in principle, they should have been more sensitive in the current financial circumstances. I was in a similar situation recently myself and had to decline the invite, in my case there were travel expenses as well but I would go if the dress code was different.

Get this?

www.print4u.co.uk/products/tuxedo-fancy-dress-t-shirt?variant=42057767321765&currency=GBP&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&gclid=CjwKCAiAoL6eBhA3EiwAXDom5pU4PqnUmfuMzC8yMGpkpMTic7HumO1S-yKH73uvpQetGRsYXWwFfBoCVuwQAvD_BwE

I don’t think anyone is being unreasonable to be honest. I’d assume that at that age he’d have some smart black trousers and a white shirt for things like interviews, weddings, funerals (I know they grow alarmingly quickly and may not have attended all of these things in the time of growth!) - but even places like primark have really affordable formal wear, it needn’t break the bank.
Cost of living crisis is not affecting everyone, also it’s his responsibility to sort this, not yours!
It’s a 21st birthday party, some people really like getting dressed up smart and fancy and it’s as good a reason as any.

I used to do a lot of sewing when I was in high school. I once made a friend a 3 piece tuxedo suit with tails, and a shirt, out of bin bags. For a party.

Not suggesting this, but be creative.

Why is this your problem though? Surely at 21 he's old enough to sort his own clothes.

Why on earth are you going to be hitting the charity shops?! “We” have some notice?!

He’s 21 not 6 - unless he’s got special needs then he can buy his own clothes and sort out his own party attendance. He’s a grown man.

Surely a 21 year old can manage to sort his own outfit for a party?!
Charity shops, hiring, making, customising.... So many options for him to try. And I can't imagine his mate is going to throw him out if he's in black tie-ish, rather than full on black tie. It sounds more like they're treating it as a fun occasion to dress up a bit fancy.

He’s 21, surely he doesn’t need mummy to sort this out for him?

Yes surely these options are for him to try, not you?

I was going to suggest renting it. Him renting it that is.

Let him get his own clothes!

Have you not got a suitable dress to lend him?

Marks and Spencer have some reduced price tuxedos online at the moment - around £25 for jacket and trousers!

my neighborhood fb page has several requests for one time help with clothing items.
this week lots of kids costumes to go with some book event.
but black tie, formal women's wear etc frequently spotted.

Errmm why is it your responsibility to clothe him? He's presumably 20/21 years old?

He should have a job
He should own a basic suit already

Maybe he could just go in your apron you've got him clinging onto?

Well, I agree with PP, you definitely shouldn't be footing the bill or finding the clothes!

I get why your DS might not want to spent money on something he'll not use, let alone from Primark. If he feels that way, he's not wrong. And yes, I'd be judging anyone wanky enough to institute a dress code for a 21st birthday.

For all those suggesting trousers and shirt, primark etc - black tie means a dinner jacket and bow tie/tuxedo. Not just any normal suit. Obviously a 21st birthday party is probably not going to be too strict on the dress code though!