Party dress code

[Oneflewoverthecuckoosnests]

We are in a cost of living crisis and one of my sons friends is having a 21st birthday party. Dress code is black tie. My son is an unemployed skint student. Most of the friend group are. I don’t know where he will get a suit from and I really don’t want to pay for one that he will use once. Am I being unreasonable to think my son may not be able to go to the party? Is the host being unreasonable to put a black tie dress code on the party?

yabu - I should pay for the suit and suck it up
yanbu - Hosts parents should have been more sensitive to people’s finances before wanting everyone to dress like James Bond

It’s getting pretty boring that ‘we’re in a cost of living crisis’ is used as a way to complain about literally anything.

It’s not that unusual for someone to have a fancy 21st. If you’re son doesn’t want to go he doesn’t have to but it’s not up to the host to consider everyone’s financial situation before throwing a party.
Has your son never been to a formal at university? The vast majority of 21 year olds will have a suit from that, he could buy a velvet bow tie or something to snazz it up.

The host INBU to chose the type of party they want to throw. If they get lots of declines they may reconsider or relax the dress code but they probably won't.
Tbh you could say that about any event, from the extreme destination weddings to a posh meal. They all require some sort of outlay.
Your son's an adult. This has nothing to do with him, unless of course he wants you to lend him some money. Ultimately it's up to him to decide if he could stretch his finances and if it's worth it.

Someone celebrating their 21st in March probably had their 18th birthday celebrations cancelled along with their school leaver ball and if they are at university a lot of their university balls. It’s not unreasonable for them now to want a big 21st celebration and to have an opportunity to dress up.

EBay. I know someone who got a whole white tie outfit for a one off occasion for £25

I feel irritated at the birthday boys parents for stipulating Black Tie for a group of very young people.

This isn't a red carpet event, deal with it more like fancy dress. It's not ususual to dress up for a party, scout on Vinted, or charity shops, ask around, like you would if you'd been asked to a 70s theme party.

Nobody will be holding him to strict adherence, its supposed to be fun. It also might not be the 21 year olds parents, this might be what he wants for his birthday.

Tell him to get a job and sort his own party clothes out. 🙄

He doesn't have to actually stick to the dress code. I was invited to a wedding when everyone was asked to change to black tie for the evening. Only about 50% of guests did. We didn't.

I thought most men rent their black tie clothes anyway since they’re worn once in a blue moon.

OP, it's good that you are helping your son. At his age, black tie doesn't have to mean proper dinner suit. Any white shirt, dark trousers and a £4 tie would work www.amazon.co.uk/Adjustable-Bowtie-BowtiePre-Tied-Parties-Black/dp/B07Q3VXL3K/ref=asc_df_B07Q3VXL3K/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=346085150583&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16171214014382739688&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1007330&hvtargid=pla-745871246375&psc=1

However, YABU for this comment.

he is male (we all know even grown men can be hopeless with getting their own shit organised)

Most men are perfectly capable of getting their own shit organised

I think you were rude TBH

Maybe. But it was a daft request. And as I say only about 50% of people followed it. No ruder than being invited to a wedding then asked to leave the venue for 4 hours in the middle of the day to return later!

I feel irritated at the birthday boys parents for stipulating Black Tie for a group of very young people

that sounds like they are barely into their teens, not for a 21st birthday.

why do you think it the parents, not the birthday boy?

A pair of black trousers and a white shirt from Primark isn’t going to break the bank

You can hire them op.stunning ball gown site my sister hires from.im sure either them or similar must do suits too?

He’s 19 and has additional needs.

You can rent them, while not super cheap, its still cheaper than buying a very cheap tux, it also means you aren’t paying for something he’ll grow out of etc.

Oh and look after him almost you like op.on mumsnet they ry should own a house as soon as they stop sucking breast!
Without the age or s.needs its lovely for a mum to bloody help out ffks

3 - he is male (we all know even grown men can be hopeless with getting their own shit organised)
Only because of societal expectations and excuses. I agree with your other points but this one is bs.