Party dress code

[Oneflewoverthecuckoosnests]

We are in a cost of living crisis and one of my sons friends is having a 21st birthday party. Dress code is black tie. My son is an unemployed skint student. Most of the friend group are. I don’t know where he will get a suit from and I really don’t want to pay for one that he will use once. Am I being unreasonable to think my son may not be able to go to the party? Is the host being unreasonable to put a black tie dress code on the party?

yabu - I should pay for the suit and suck it up
yanbu - Hosts parents should have been more sensitive to people’s finances before wanting everyone to dress like James Bond

At the age of 20/21 I'd suggest it's not your responsibility to get anything and if your son up ants to go to a party he can find the money to dress for it himself.
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I'd suggest cost of living crisis is irrelevant here because you shouldn't need to be paying a thing. He's an adult who sounds like he needs to do some adulting.

I don’t understand why you are even thinking about it. It is for him to sort out. You don’t need to worry about it one way or another.

Honestly some of the responses here. Maybe, despite the fact her son is 21, OP quite likes him and quite enjoys helping him out with an unusual job. What's so bad about that? Why on MN are you only allowed to help your children past the age of 21 if they've got special needs.
The son probably IS doing his bit as well as OP- who is just asking around for ideas to help with one fun task. She's not writing his essays for him and putting him to bed. So many people here just love to jump on a thread with a "clever" put down.

OP you might have got more relevant suggestions if you had posted in Style & Beauty?

He’s 19 and still in FTE so no he doesn’t have a suit of any kind. He’s also got special needs so he can cling to my apron if he likes 👍🏻

Thank you to those who have made suggestions.
1 - he’s 19
2 - yes he does have learning difficulties
3 - he is male (we all know even grown men can be hopeless with getting their own shit organised)
4 - he will leave this, not organise and I’ll end up helping him anyway as he’s my son and I wouldn’t want him to miss out OR for his friend to not have him there when he invited him to be there.
5 - If I get ahead of it then I save myself the headache later of DS panicking he doesn’t have a suit.

All I really wanted to know was are my feelings on this reasonable? I feel irritated at the birthday boys parents for stipulating Black Tie for a group of very young people. We won’t be the only ones now panicking about what to wear.
As another poster said - it’s wanky

I just bought my son (he’s only 13 mind you!) one from EBay and it’s fab. Loads of adult options too. It was £25…

You can normally get a tuxedo from primark at a good price. Normally black tie means a tux with bow tie rather than a standard sit and tie so maybe have him clarify with the host.

It's not wanky. The cost of living crisis isn't affecting everyone although the media would have you believe otherwise. Presumably the 21 yo is in work, he can stipulate what he likes for his birthday, we don't need to all wear hair shirts.

Lots of teenage DD's friends have had parties recently including black tie, The Great Gatsby, a 60's theme. Anyone who thinks a themed party is a bit wanky, is a bit wanky themselves.

OP you need to get over yourself a bit here, it's not hard to find clothes suitable for any kind of party, you just need a bit of time and imagination.

Charity shop black trousers and shirt, plus a cheap bow tie. Job done.

Do none of his male relatives own one?

Do any make friends or relatives have a tuxedo he can borrow? Most middle aged men if they own one can't fit into it any more (but like to pretend they can so keep it)

What’s it got to do with hosts parents? Why are they to blame? Surely at 21 parents don’t get involved. If my son (18) was invited to one he’s perfectly capable of finding one himself, either via charity shops or asking friends to borrow one.

I think the cost of living bit is a bit of a red herring in that students have never had money - 20 years ago we were all skint at uni but would beg, borrow and steal for this sort of thing. All the societies at University had balls every year which were very formal. If you can't dress up when you're 21, when can you? Hope you can find something OP.

Tell your son to rent one. Both my dad and my husband do this, given they go to a black tie event every 2-3 year’s maximum.

Is your son not also about 21?

Can he not do this himself?

I'd suggest Primark or renting one.

We used to do black trousers, white shirt and bow tie for this sort of thing.

Have a look on facebook marketplace. There are loads for around £20 then he can sell afterwards

This. Even your YABU is BU. Just leg him sort his own suit or go/not go. He's 21 FGS.

Well, even before the CoLC there were many people who would have struggled with the costs of attending events, and may have had to self exclude on that basis. It never stopped more affluent people arranging events to suit their own budget, so its hardly a new problem just because it's now effecting a new demographic.
You might drop lucky at charity shops, but personally I'd check out vinted and ebay for a more focused search, rather than trawling on the off chance, and hire shops.

Rent one

My 18th I got everyone to come as their fave singer or band member, we were all skint.
But the inventiveness was brilliant, much raiding of charity shops and jumble sales, as well as parents wardrobes and old dressing up boxes.

No one spent much and everyone looked funny, most didn't specifically pick their most fave but more someone they had or coupd get cheap bits to look like so we had a lot of Kurt Cobain's and variations of Madonna, a Craig David (literally sportswear and sunglasses) and my friends who were twins went as the girls from Abba.