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AIBU?

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Do young people (your children) over 18 still come first

76 replies

Mitchchantel · 24/01/2023 22:10

Have one child who is 19. I still put him first, even before my relationship. I like to make sure he’s safe happy and supported to do anything he wants to do. I detect jealousy from my partner. Whenever I talk about my son- getting him a car or helping him to drive, taking him for a meal; could be anything, I sense my partner gets jealous and he will make a comment like oh well when he gets his own house this and that; or more fool him if he doesn’t want to car share with you. His tone always sounds negative and attacking. Feel like ditching him because although 19 is still my baby. He’s an only child. Should I start to prioritise the relationship or continue to support my son.

OP posts:
lborgia · 26/01/2023 02:53

There are obviously three different strands to this.
1 - Helping your 19 year old with insurance for his first car, taking him out to dinner, these could be perceived as entirely normal. In fact, I'd say entirely age appropriate. He's getting on with becoming an adult, but you're making the transition a little more pleasant, and doing loving things. Also maintaining your relationship.

2 - your boyfriend (according to the OP) is bristling every single time you do anything that relates to your child. He is passive aggressive, and referring to a better time, when you will be doing less with your child?! This is not ok. Why are you still with him? You've presumably managed having a child for the past 19 years, what has changed that you are now happy to have this person criticising your parenting?

3 - your subject line, and some comments, imply that you DO feel that somehow your relationship with your son is almost painfully special. Your title, presumably written without too much thought, uses very dramatic language. "Always" come first. You refer to him being an only child as if this makes it a more closely guarded relationship, and more precious.

It really isn't. You don't become more cavalier about your first child leaving home just because there's another still at home.

Maybe it's become an issue of money and time spent on your son, but maybe there's something in your approach to your son that makes your boyfriend feel a jealousy he didn't expect himself.

In the end it doesn't matter. You're happy, your son is happy, this man is being horrible to you both.

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