To think calling someone by their name is not bullying?

[TheShortenedName]

I am prepared to be told I am UR.

DC is 8, Year 4.

There’s a child in their class who recently switched to shortening their name, say the name was Elizabeth they’re now Beth (but not that name that’s an example). The switch was at the start of the school year.

DC is struggling to remember and keeps calling them Elizabeth. Both me and the teacher have gently reminded them that the child wants to be called Beth now, but the parent has complained and is accusing DC of bullying.

They are not calling them Elizabeth to be mean, they’re just forgetting they’re now Beth.

For context DC has a name that can be shortened but they don’t care whether they get called by their full name or the shortened version and will answer to both (say Isabella and Izzy or Christopher and Chris, DC answers to both).

DC considers Elizabeth to be their friend

Is this bullying?

YANBU - Not bullying
YABU - Bullying

(I have changed names and/or genders these are just examples)

Is it a gender thing. Was a boy now a girl? Otherwise it's batshit

@Greensleevevssnotnose No they've kept their gender, they've just decided to shorten their name. I think to DC it doesn't matter what they're calling them as they (DC) answer to both versions of their name.

An 8 year old can't remember the name their friend wants to be known by? Which is a nickname? And the child has been using the name for 4 months?
I'd be more concerned about your child's extremely poor memory.

Unless there’s more to it YANBU…is there more to it? I feel a dripfeed coming….

Not bullying in the slightest.

Just because people demand you call them another name doesn’t mean it’s easy for someone who has only ever known you as one name to suddenly start.

That's daft. I'd talk through with DC how it hurts the other child's feelings and why it matters to some people. It's not bullying though. That's ridiculous.

Both me and the teacher have gently reminded them that the child wants to be called Beth now, but the parent has complained and is accusing DC of bullying.
How about you remind them it's not ok to call a child what the child doesn't want to be called? Stop with the "gently, gently" and tell them straight to stop it.

The other child’s parents are batshit.

So Samantha has decided they are identifying as Sam?
In that case, madness and insanity though it is, it's going to be classed as bullying.

I wouldn't call it bullying, and the parents are bonkers for even suggesting it.

However, it's definitely rude imo.

No, it’s not bullying, however. People are very sensitive about their name, as it’s an integral part of their identity, and as such it’s rude to get it repeatedly wrong.

I don’t think it’s bullying as it’s not deliberate, but - this is a good lesson for your dc to learn around the importance of calling people the correct name. Just state it’s not been deliberate you’ll have a word and get them to apologise and move on.

It might not sound like bullying on the face of it but if he's doing it repeatedly despite many reminders and it's been going on for months then to be honest she probably feels it's deliberate and he's doing it on purpose because he knows she doesn't like it so in that regard yes she probably feels he is bullying her.

If someone I had known as Elizabeth for a long period of time , all of a sudden decided to be called Beth, I think I'd struggle as well. I got married 4 months ago and keep forgetting that I've changed my own name 🙈🙈🤣 so I can see how an 8 year old would struggle

It’s not bullying to call them the longer name but it’s such a basic thing that it’s rude that the child can’t be bothered to remember

Bullying? And the kids are friends?

Seems a bit of a jump!

Im so glad my dcs are nearly done with school - everything seems to be a minefield nowadays.

Thank you everyone, will have a proper chat with DC and tell them it must be Beth not Elizabeth.

So for 5 years the kid had one name and now she wants to ve known by a different name?

If your daughter is genuinely making a mistake then it's not bullying.

Identity shit is controlling and bullying.

Haven't you already told him that though?

Maybe sit down with him to explain that it upset Beth when he calls her Elizabeth.
He might not realise and think that both names are interchangeable.
I would not classify this as bullying as the intent to upset isn't there. But another child is still being upset by Ds actions, so I would probably do my best to rectify this.

It doesn’t really matter if it’s classed as bullying, your child is continuing to do something they’ve been repeatedly told is upsetting to another child. You really need to impress on them that it’s not on.

It does sound a bit crazy, and I was going to say yanbu, but then I thought about it as if the full name and shortened form were the other way round. I knew a Nicola who absolutely hated being called Nicky, and I wouldn't expect anyone to accept being called by a shortened form just because others wanted to use it. It is trickier if Beth was previously happy to be called Elizabeth, though.

Nope- not bullying at all unless there is something else going on that we don’t know about?
I have struggled before to call children by a different name from when they were introduced to me- hell- I sometimes even call them the completely wrong name! And then get corrected- say sorry and try to get on with things.
If I had called someone a name for 4 years- then been told it’s something else- I know I would have problems adapting. I know because this happened with a friends parent. Decided to start going by their first name and not middle name that they had gone by. Took me many years (as an adult) to call them by their middle name when I had grown up calling them by their first name!

I disagree.
Years ago one of my close friends chose to change her name. She'd always disliked it and was starting a new job so decided this was a good time to change.
Everyone who knew her supported her choice but it was unbelievably difficult to change. Neural pathways and muscle memory work subconsciously. Trying to override that consciously was really hard. We kept making mistakes and apologising. Then some people avoided using her name etc.
It's not the same as learning a new person's name. Unlearning is much harder.

The Anti Bulkying Alliance is clear on what is bullying:
The repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power. Bullying can be physical, verbal or psychological. It can happen face-to-face or online’.

https://anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/tools-information/all-about-bullying/understanding-bullying/definition

Is what your child is doing bullying? In order to answer that, I think I'd investigate why your child is constantly forgetting the change of name - does DC have issues with memory retention?
Bullying is intentional, designed to hurt. Between yourself and the teacher I should think you'd be able to work out whether it's intentional or not

What an odd story.