To think calling someone by their name is not bullying?

[TheShortenedName]

I am prepared to be told I am UR.

DC is 8, Year 4.

There’s a child in their class who recently switched to shortening their name, say the name was Elizabeth they’re now Beth (but not that name that’s an example). The switch was at the start of the school year.

DC is struggling to remember and keeps calling them Elizabeth. Both me and the teacher have gently reminded them that the child wants to be called Beth now, but the parent has complained and is accusing DC of bullying.

They are not calling them Elizabeth to be mean, they’re just forgetting they’re now Beth.

For context DC has a name that can be shortened but they don’t care whether they get called by their full name or the shortened version and will answer to both (say Isabella and Izzy or Christopher and Chris, DC answers to both).

DC considers Elizabeth to be their friend

Is this bullying?

YANBU - Not bullying
YABU - Bullying

(I have changed names and/or genders these are just examples)

I actually always tend to stick with the first name I know someone is called - so if I was introduced to a Steven say and they didn’t immediately say, no it’s Steve, I’d tend to think of them as Steven and then say that if using their name for the foreseeable.
We have someone at work altered their name this way by choosing a different shortening - years later I still hear some people refer to her by the original shortening as they always initially knew her as that. They’re not being rude, or lazy in forgetting it’s just an automatic thing.
We normally wear sort of grooves in our brain with commonly used language, which effectively make things automatic. I know this is referenced for explaining the difference for reading between neuro typical and diverse - typically the brain will follow the same path when seeing the same word, so wearing it down as if trampling the same path in a field, non typically the brain will go a different path every time so that there is no worn down path.
Perhaps for some this is the same with names and it requires some short pause to allow you to recall the new name and forge a new path?
I think time should resolve it with the reminders, in the meantime perhaps just say you/your son are sorry if they feel this way but he is genuinely not wanting to upset her and working on remembering but it’s not so easy for him.

It’s not bullying, ask your dc to try and remember but tell her she’s not in trouble if she forgets.
And tell the other dm to remember your dd is only 8.
My dsis changed her name 40 years ago, we all still use her original name in the family. She accepts that it’s a habit for us.

An acquaintance changed her name (to a different form of the same name) about 20 years ago now. I bump into her once every two years or so. I have never managed to get her new name right. It's hard. And so embarrassing!

Some people are insane 🤣 I’ve been married two years and still sign the wrong surname. My memory in general is great, it’s just autopilot. Names are!

beth sounds like a joyless bore. The solution is your DC can simply sack her off which means she has no need to call her anything.

I expect beth will learn a valuable lesson.

On the face of it, it doesn't seem like intentional bullying, but its causing enough distress to complain to her parent. I wouldn't under estimate how kids will find new, seemingly innocent ways to taunt each other, but similarly some kids can be incredibly sensitive. Is your dd is stretching out Li...li...annnn instead of saying Lily? has the child changed her name because of trauma? It's really up to the child what they want to be called so just see if you can help her remember or explain the importance of a name to a person.

I have a worse one than that.

Dh and I had a close friend at university. We were both friends with him individually before we got together so it is a very old friendship. Let us call him George. George had a girlfriend called Lucy. We socialised a lot with George and Lucy.

About 10 years ago Dh and I moved cities. Occasionally we would go and stay with George and Lucy or they would stay with us but as time went on - and we had kids and George and Lucy didn’t - we drifted.

Got an email about 5 years ago from George inviting us to his wedding. Quote “Amy and I are planning on starting a family so decided to get married first.” AMY?!?!?! AMY?!?!?!?!

The wedding was a sodding nightmare. (And lovely, beautiful etc) We spent the months leading up to it trying to stop saying “George and Lucy” and get used to “George and Amy” and were terrified that we were going to cock up publicly.

Amy is lovely. And I had no problem talking to her and calling her Amy. But when I say George the words “and Lucy” just follow naturally.

There's no need to be so nasty about a child.

It may not be bullying but it could well be that your child is winding her up on purpose.

I mean let's face it, they've had 4 months to get her shortened name correct.

WTF!

This shit has gone too far. I shorten my name, people misspell my name all the time and mis pronounce it - its a standard name nothing fancy. Can I get everyone forlying me?!

The child, their parent and anyone else who thinks its bullying are off their rocker.

Hope your DC is OK x

Maybe this. 4 months is a long time OP!

Bulying not lying - really hate how these ads jump the page on mums net. It's a fg knightmare trying to post a blooming response.

MN get your IT sorted!!!

Not bullying, but after 4 months I'd expect someone who sees the child every day for 5 or 6 hours to have managed to remember a different name.

No of course it's not bullying. It's just forgetful. Even if it were done deliberately to annoy someone, that's still not bullying it's just being an idiot and an irritation.

It's just ‘part of the irritation of day to day schoollife which occasionally occurs" to paraphrase the judge in this employment case

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11644149/Banker-Deutsche-Bank-59-nicknamed-Christine-Lagarde-loses-employment-tribunal.html

I know someone who did this in reverse so was known as (using your example) Beth at school and then went to 6th form and wanted to be grown up Elizabeth. She complains to me now decades later that one of her school friends still calls her Beth. Because stuff like that can get deeply mentally ingrained.

By the way, chances are that when she moves into the adult working world she'll go back to it. I was at school with a girl called Victoria who for a while wanted to be known as Vicky and then suddenly decided Vic was far cooler. So insisted on trying to make everyone call her Vic. As a grown woman, she decided that actually Vic wasn't so cool after all and had to do it all again in reverse.

I know two people close to me who've changed their name similarly. One months ago. The other years ago. I do my best but still get both names wrong! Once someone's name is dialled it, it's hard to change it I find.

Definitely not bullying! Both the parent and the child are being ridiculous, pretty self obsessed and frankly need something more important to worry about to be getting this upset about a name.

He 'cant remember ' or e njoys winding them up??

Depends how it's done, surely?

A child genuinely forgets and says 'Elizabeth' - fine.

A child pretends to forget and says 'ELIZABETH! ELLLIZZZABETTTH!' - that might count as nasty, if the child is pretending to forget and teasing.

Surely the obvious course of action is for everyone to calm down and just help the children communicate?!

This is the thing.

I really can't see the parents complaining to the school because OP's child has forgotten a couple of times.

There could well be a a bit more to it.

Depends. If they’re doing it deliberately to wind her up then yes that’s bullying. At the very least it’s disrespectful. You need to talk to them about how to treat others which includes calling them by their preferred name.

Of course it is

Your child has been repeatedly told not to call this child by her full name, and continues to do it for months.

To do it once or twice is a mistake

A few times is rude

Continually for 4 months is bullying