To use the same dh estranged sister called his niece

[abittoofar]

Dh and his sister are NC along with PIL.
The issue he had was initially with his sister but I won't go into details largely because I only know one side and he doesn't talk about it so I only know bits but he never wants anything to do with SIL again and his parents have taken her side so he's NC with all of them.

We are expecting a dd and the name I love is the name SIL has called dh niece.

DH says we should use it because it's been years since he's thought of his sister and we'll never see them again and they'll never know or if they did (through other people) they'd realise how unimportant she is to him.

I'm not sure how I feel I love the name but is it unreasonable to use it?

I agree and wouldn’t do it. But you aren’t unreasonable if you do.

It may be a lovely name but I think not to use it. Imagine having to explain later on why you have the same name, or why you don't talk to your DDs Aunty.

Millions of names. If what she did was so bad, he wouldn't want any association with it
Seems like a weird power play tbh but your child, your choice.

Not fair on the kids... they are both completely innocent no matter what the parents/grandparents have done. Both deserve their own name, not caught in a game.

if they did (through other people) they'd realise how unimportant she is to him.

Not sure about that logic because as someone who doesn't know your h or his sister, I would wonder if you are trying to piss her off by using the name (some people are possessive about names) or used the name because you're thinking of the sister and it's some sort of tribute.

I'd use the name as it wouldn't bother me that someone I was NC with thought I'd nicked their name. The people who matter to you and your h presumably wouldn't know or think of his niece.

I wouldn’t use it, negative connotations because of the relationship difficulties so could cause issues and not nice for the child if they find out the history at some point, just pick a different name.

I think that’s bizarre

I have a few first cousins with the same name, and no one cares.

Use the name. I'm with your DH, not using the name is pointless.

Awww no sorry

It's OP who loves the name. He could just be trying to make his wife happy.

if they did (through other people) they'd realise how unimportant she is to him

This is horrible. A weird power play, as others have said.

YANBU to choose any name that you like, but I would choose a different one.

If my sibling went NC with me then copied my kids name I'd think they were a joke tbh. It may be the loveliest name but I really would think it was deliberate and bloody weird.

'they'd realise how unimportant she is to him' @abittoofar

This is big red flag, why does he really want to use the same name?

It's pretty weird and not really fair to the other child. Find another name that you both love that doesn't have any strange negative family connection.

Pick a different name.

If any of your DH family found out or even people who just know the family found out I think it would totally send the “ I never want to talk to or see you again, you are irrelevant in my life and to prove how little I care I’m calling my child the same name as yours” vibe. Is that what you and your DH are aiming for?

Nope!