To use the same dh estranged sister called his niece

[abittoofar]

Dh and his sister are NC along with PIL.
The issue he had was initially with his sister but I won't go into details largely because I only know one side and he doesn't talk about it so I only know bits but he never wants anything to do with SIL again and his parents have taken her side so he's NC with all of them.

We are expecting a dd and the name I love is the name SIL has called dh niece.

DH says we should use it because it's been years since he's thought of his sister and we'll never see them again and they'll never know or if they did (through other people) they'd realise how unimportant she is to him.

I'm not sure how I feel I love the name but is it unreasonable to use it?

I have loads of cousins and a fair few have the same name. It's never been an issue

<shrug>. You can do what you like. A name is a name and she doesn't own it.

But you can't control what other people will THINK and, given the family history, nothing will scream I AM A STIRRING DICK quite like pushing for this name imo.

No it’s not unreasonable. No one owns a name, you like it dh is ok about it

I think bare in mind that these two cousins might want to meet one day and chew the fat. It would be odd that their Nc parents chose the same name.give you dd her own identity.

You don't even know her... For now..

You never know what the future holds, you could reconnect, cousins could reconnect.

There are so many names in the world, don't lump your child with the 'you've only got that name because...'

Do not use it. It is bad karma to name a child in retaliation like your husband wishes to do so.
The name will always give your husband a sick delight that he is getting back at his SIL.
Wouldn't you hope that in the future your child can have a healthy relationship with her grandparents etc.

Think up another name free of bitterness; one with no connection to family tiffs.

I'm from an area were family names are used, so Cousins have the same name. One would be Bill, one Will etc. So it doesn't sound unusual to me. However it would make the girls more curious about each other and I would wonder like pp that it isn't a power play. Just bear in mind that you won't be able to control if your DD has a relationship with any of them. My children has a relative who spits feathers over our children being close friends. They've stopped sharing stuff with her because of her attitude and it's only her who is suffering.

Weird fantasy you’ve invented. OP has said her H is indifferent to whether she uses the name or not.

It's fine to use it.We have lots with the same or similar names in our family. DC called after GP, dad or uncle or whatever. Cousins with similar names. One sibling I have is weird about it. Noone else cares. If you live in the same place and socialise a lot maybe it gets confusing. But if you see them twice a year or never what does it matter.

I think it’s adding fuel to the flames to be honest. If they ever reconcile (as unlikely as it is from what you’re saying just now) it’s going to look petty.

Yabu I couldn't imagine wanting to name my child the same as my sisters named hers. It seems bitter and petty and very strange. They'll think you're jealous off them or want to be them. Pick a new name.

Imagine dn tries to forge a relationship with her dgps in the future and she literally has been replaced...

I wouldn’t use it because of the NC, it will only add to any issues they have.

However, my DH has the same name as his first cousin and there was no issue. Same first and surname. Causes some confusion at times but no trouble. But there was no falling out or hard feelings between the families.