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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find it hard to accept there's a baby on the way

78 replies

littlerayofsunshine0 · 24/01/2023 12:38

Been with my partner 20 years both of us in late 30s until he left 4 months ago as communication broke down between us. We were trying to resolve our differences and things were going well until he told me he'd been seeing someone 14 yrs younger and she's now just over 3 months pregnant. We have 2 small children together. I'm really struggling to accept this. I've came from a broken family and didn't want this for my kids. I cannot believe that he's got this girl pregnant so quickly and has obviously decided to "do the right thing" by her, therefore putting the entire 20 years We had in the bin. I've been trying really hard not to let my emotions cause any difficulties in him seeing the kids but it's beginning to cause issues now because he's now deciding on telling our 4 and 5 yr old about the baby and his new gf. He bothers with our kids as and when suits him when he's not pre occupied with the other girl. So I decided to create boundaries plus for my own emotional health over everything too. As he keeps saying not to let go of him yet he's living this whole other life with her now in a short space of time. I'm trying to block out my emotions but everytime I've to hear from him in regards to our children it brings everything to the surface again and I go back to square 1. I don't know how to do this without causing myself serious heartbreak and set backs. He thinks I should be able to just accept it and still deal with him for the kids sake and to keep a connection. He can't see that I'm absolutely dying inside that he's created this. I'm doing my best to hold things together for the kids but I feel like I'm going to hit breaking point at some stage and have an absolute breakdown. He also points out regularly all my flaws and how this would never have happened if I was a better partner which destroys me even more. I'm so hurt by all of this, am I being unreasonable and how do I get past this for my children's sake without their mum losing her mind. It's already affected my mental health bigtime. I don't want to have any contact with him. The less I know the better but unfortunately there's no running away and hiding from this once the kids become involved. I just want to run away! Any dealing I have with him is shattering me. I get a few days of not hearing from him and start to build myself up a bit and create walls but then I have to have contact with him and everything comes crashing down again. I really could do with a hand hold and some advice before I lose myself

OP posts:
user1496262496 · 30/01/2023 20:49

You need to put in a CMS claim for child maintenance right now. Formalise that arrangement, I suspect that messing with finances is the next way he will attempt to control you.

ButterCrackers · 30/01/2023 21:03

Get a childcare arrangement and get maintenance. Plan some time for you when the kids are with their dad to start a project. Something that will take your time and thought and be good for you. Your ex will soon be busy looking after a baby and also his kids from you. Enjoy your time and be sure he hears how great you’re doing. Resting and relaxing whilst he’s dealing with the chaos of a baby and a partner having gone through childbirth. It’s a tough time so let him know through friends or family just how good you’re doing.

ThatsAboutEnoughOfThat · 30/01/2023 21:29

You need a lawyer.

In the meantime. No more calls. In writing communication only, about contact arrangements for the children only and sort out a child maintenance claim asap.

He is no longer entitled to your time.

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