Page 4 | Homeowner seeing someone in a flat share

StubbleAndSqueak · 23/01/2023 19:42

I reckon he's a Earl and has a massive country pile, hes just trying to separate the wheat from the chaff

Aimiabilities · 23/01/2023 19:44

I'm a Londoner in my 40s and the only people I know who own homes had inheritances to buy them with. Most born Londoners I know live in social housing or still live with their parents (most of whom, in areas like Highbury, Muswell Hill, Tottenham, Bloomsbury) bought their social housing homes in the 80s or 90s. We're all graduates from good universities and this is the norm, so god knows how you'd react to someone from a less well off background!
My parents and their friends are in "middle class" jobs such as teaching, academia, nursing, publishing, scientists and most are either in social housing or house/flat sharing well into their 60s and 70s.
Even if this were not the case, however, I don't believe home ownership is ethical (it's necessary for security perhaps nowadays, but that's unethical too), so I'd worry more about a relationship with a home owner and want to check their credentials.
I wouldn't fall in love on the basis of income or property status, as love is somewhat separate from such things, but I would worry about the morality of someone who had issues with someone not being so extraordinarily wealthy that they were able to buy a home without inheritances or lottery wins.

BertaHoon · 23/01/2023 19:46

My Mum took someone in when she was 50 who was homeless and was sofa surfing.

Still can't stand him nearly 20 years on benefiting from all her hard work.

So no I wouldn't. I wouldn't put my kids through it even though one is midteens and one is adult.

Thank God she hasn't married him.

ensayers · 23/01/2023 19:46

Supernova23 · 23/01/2023 11:42

AIBU? If you were a homeowner (female) and working professional, would you see someone who was in flat share at the age of nearly 40? I've binned him now as I think I was very naive.
I could see him trying to move in with me.
Would it put you off if a bloke was nearly 40 and in a flat share, not saving for a property, or AIBU?

I'm a bloke, in my 50s, and I've been in a house share since I was 18. Admittedly it's my house, but my lodgers all treat everything as if it is their own, and I'm glad of that.
If anything, I think house sharing would suggest that somebody has the ability to get along, have some diplomacy, and be considerate to others. Whereas somebody that lives totally alone maybe finds it harder to share or compromise ??

Aimiabilities · 23/01/2023 19:50

I just saw that it's not in London, sorry. Nevertheless, there's nothing wrong and lots good about living communally and many very important jobs don't pay enough cover rent, living costs, and spare money for house deposits, and what has it to do with love anyhow? If you're worried he was after your house, though, that's a different matter of course.

MrsMikeDrop · 23/01/2023 19:52

I think it depends on the situation, some people like sharing because of the company etc. Good way to save money too. I'd be more concerned if they lived with their parents.

Oysterbabe · 23/01/2023 19:55

I was definitely looking for a financial equal when I was in the dating market. I was with someone who was poor with a minimum wage job for 3 years and it was hard. I subsidised him by paying more of the bills and he came to resent me in the end.

pinkyredrose · 23/01/2023 19:58

bootyCarl · 23/01/2023 19:17

Truly I don't get this. Students pay that amount. If you're 40 (working two decades) and live in a flat share - not through choice, but be because you haven't managed to save... tbh that is unusual. In my opinion. There's not even any bills for flat shares

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No bills for flatshares? News to me!

MeghanThyStallion · 23/01/2023 19:59

My now-DH lived in a houseshare until he moved in with me. He owned his own place though, just preferred to live with his friends and it was more convenient for work.

I'd have been put off if he wasn't at least saving towards having his own place.

turquoisegem · 23/01/2023 20:03

I have a friend who had saved enough to put a deposit down on a house but she doesn't want to live on her own so she shares.
I would never think that makes her less attractive, she's not waiting for a man with a house to come along she's just single and doing as she pleases because there's what she wants right now.

runlittlemonster · 23/01/2023 20:08

He might have just been through a messy divorce and just getting back on his feet maybe?
But if I was in his shoes I’d probably wait a bit and save in order to move to a place of my own before starting to date again… but then again, i’d absolutely hate to live in a house share at any time. It’s better than him still living with his parents, I suppose! Or with a wife he hasn’t really left yet 😂
Really, it’s not so much about the current living arrangements as the gap in earnings, and whether or not that gives you the ick.

ChilliBandit · 23/01/2023 20:08

I just checked and a room in a house share in my town is £800-£1,000 pcm with bills included. That’s SE, not London. Take home pay on the average salary is £1,800 after tax. 1 bed flats start at £1,300, plus bills. I can see why someone would live in a house share.

celticprincess · 23/01/2023 20:21

Depends. My (now ex DH) moved into a flat share after got married for work as he needed to relocate for a year but we didn’t want to sell up and move. We were much younger at the time though - think mid 20s - and before we had our children. He was house sharing with another couple - one of whom was a professional - and a few others who were in call centre type jobs. I didn’t like to go down and visit though. Preferred home to come home. Had got used to living in our own owned home. Interestingly one of the lads he house shared with also was our lodger before they moved into the house share as they were both part of a team relocating for the year.

menopausalbloat · 23/01/2023 20:41

I think he had a lucky escape. Not everyone wants to spend their money on home ownership.

beAsensible1 · 24/01/2023 10:56

Astralitzia · 23/01/2023 13:54

My oldest housemate will be 40 next year. She's lovely, she just doesn't work in a highly-paying field and can't afford to rent on her own or buy.

I'm in my early 30s and I do have a well-paying job and I still can't afford to buy anywhere that would allow me to feasibly keep my job, despite having a fair whack in savings. I could rent on my own, but then I wouldn't be able to save any money. If I ever want to be able to buy, I need to save money.

Living in a houseshare or HMO is not a character flaw.

most people don't want to fork out half their salary on rent! it leaves you financially vulnerable and unable to deal with sudden changes.

Living alone is so much admin!

sacremerde · 24/01/2023 12:27

Good point from @ensayers - people in flat shares have to be more considerate of others and easy going, which is a positive.

My DH was nearly 40 when he bought his first place with me. He was in a house share for years, while I bought on shared ownership when I was 30 and we spent most of our time at mine.

He's not at all bad with money and has a huge pension compared to mine. He's always been an ambitious guy and last year earned about 5 times more than me on my teacher's salary. He hates the idea of property as an investment and liked living with his mates. Doesn't tell you anything about a person.

evemillbank · 24/01/2023 13:16

It depends on other factors. When I met my partner he was living in a London flat share. But he was also earning over £100k. He liked that lifestyle at that point and he was in his late 30s.

smellyshoes81 · 25/01/2023 20:12

Supernova23 · 23/01/2023 11:42

AIBU? If you were a homeowner (female) and working professional, would you see someone who was in flat share at the age of nearly 40? I've binned him now as I think I was very naive.
I could see him trying to move in with me.
Would it put you off if a bloke was nearly 40 and in a flat share, not saving for a property, or AIBU?

YANBU I owned a home when i met my husband and he was renting (alone) with poor credit and loads of debt, it caused a lot of rows. Now he has a well paid job with no debt, not even a credit card and he is the breadwinner whilst i work 22 hours a week with a toddler but most people don’t have that happy ending and i still wonder if it was worth the hassle of feeling like i had a teenager to teach and parent. Someone should be your equal.

Gwenhwyfar · 26/01/2023 20:37

You're a snob.

Greensleevevssnotnose · 26/01/2023 20:42

I was in same situation when I met my oh. I was homeowner getting divorced he was in a houseshare just out of 12 year relationship. He earnt and still does six figures. We are early 50s now lived together a decade but don't really want to buy anywhere. We rent a detached place that would be around 800k for 1200 a month. A mortgage is over 3k a month. We could afford it but why? It makes no sense. But your priories are not mine