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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be extremely abgry that ds's teacher ignored him when he said he needed the toilet?

85 replies

mustsleep · 06/02/2008 10:19

ok so i picked ds up from school yesterday and noticed that he had a carrier bag with his trousers and pants in it, when i asked him what that was all about he told me he had wet himself (he is six)

i had to go to work so couldnt question him further until i had got home

when i got home i asked him about it he was v upset and said that he couldn;t hold it, i said thats unusual for you (he hasn't wet himself since he was three) he went on to say that he had asked his teacher if he could go to the loo and she said no and then he had asked the ta and he had said no, so poor ds wet himself in class infront of all the other kids

now i am fuming that they would deny him the right to use the toilet and also that she didn;t think to discuss it with me herself and just left ds to tell me about it

now all this week he has been saying to me that he doesn;t want to go to school as he has a tummy ache and i just thought it was a phase but now he's sayoing that on a dinner time when he needs the loo noone will let him go (he has speech prob so i'm thinking maybe they can not understand him although he's never had any trouble b4)

i do not know what to do about this i have let him have the day off today and am taking him to the docs what with the tummy ache and the pants wetting to rule out a bladder infection, i have also told him that if he really needs the toilet and he is told no to just go and use it

aibu???

OP posts:

Smurfs · 06/02/2008 10:24

No you are not being unreasonable - your poor DS. I would ask to speak to the teacher and ask for an explanation....not that there is a good one in my opinion.

HalleBerrysBikini · 06/02/2008 10:26

God no YANBU. I remember a boy at school who pooed his pants because the deputy head wouldn't let him go (this was secondary school btw - he must have been 11).

Poor kid had to get on our bus home and the smell was terrible. Awful, awful thing to do to a child. I can't believe she didn't even give you an explanation either.

hatrick · 06/02/2008 10:27

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PiggyPenguin · 06/02/2008 10:30

You should definitely speak to the teacher, and maybe even the head.

My son is 6 and they aren't encouraged to use the toilet during lesson time, if they need to go they can but then have to stay in for five minutes at break. To be fair, I think this is still a bit draconian, but at least they don't have to pee themselves.

Wisteria · 06/02/2008 10:32

YANBU - I would make a formal complaint against the teacher and let the head deal with it - there may or may not have been a reason but I am struggling to find something that could be adequately used as a reason to be honest.

At the very least your child should know what the reason was..... and she should have checked how desperately he needed to go.

I am appalled.

Original poster

mustsleep · 06/02/2008 10:34

good point hatrick

the thing is though you can never get anywhere near his teacher in the morning etc as all the sucky up parents crowd around her

and when i have actually needed to speak tp her about anything se just fobs me off like whatever it is it isn;t important not really sure what to say, don;t want to come across like i'm acusing her of anything, but am sooo angry about this and about how upset ds is over it

what is he suppsed to do by the sounds of it he asked her and she said he could wait and then later when he was bursting he asked the ta and he said no too !!! i think this is one of those times when his speech gets in the way, cos he can't explain himself as clearly as the other kids

OP posts:

nickytwotimes · 06/02/2008 10:35

YANBU. I remember being of a similar age and not being allowed out to the loo. I also wet myself. Teach never stopped anyone going again! Poor kid though. It's embarassing for them at that age.

Wisteria · 06/02/2008 10:36

must sleep she should have explained to you what the reasons were anyway - it wouldn't have hurt her to put a little note in with his wet things.

Original poster

mustsleep · 06/02/2008 10:37

this is just what some teachers are like though isn;t it it's the power thing i think

when i was about the same age as ds i told my teacher that i felt sick and wanted to go home (i never said anything like this b4 so to be fair she should have given me the benefit of the doubt) she told me to stop being so silly, i promptly chucked up all over the table...served her right

OP posts:

pelafina · 06/02/2008 10:39

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VanillaPumpkin · 06/02/2008 10:41

YANBU, but you do need to speak to the teacher to get her side of it too. It does sound very odd tbh that both the teacher and the ta refused. I would be very upset if this were my dd.

What is a sucky-up parent though .

Bubble99 · 06/02/2008 10:42

sybilvimes.

Just to be clear. Are you saying that if they need the loo during class time they have to miss five minutes of their play time? That seems more than a bit draconian. I would say that's cruel.

Play time is so important and to penalise a child for not being able to synchronise his or her bladder/bowels with school break times is just bizarre, IMO.

VanillaPumpkin · 06/02/2008 10:43

Yes that is harsh at age just 6 isn't it!!

BibiThree · 06/02/2008 10:45

DH would never refuse to let a child use the loo, (he's a primary school teacher). He does give them the stern "you should have gone at break time" routine, but always lets them go anyway.

It's just cruel and inexcusable to let a child get to the stage where they wet themselves imo.

hatrick · 06/02/2008 10:48

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maisykins · 06/02/2008 10:49

You need to speak to the teacher and the TA. YANBU to be upset over this but try and just talk it through with them as calmly as you can to get the full story and explain how it has upset your son and also the problems at lunchtime which they may not be aware of. They may need to speak to the lunch supervisors to make them aware as well.
Find out what times they are expected to go to the toilet so you can remind your son to go at those times - at this age sometimes the school are trying to get children to learn to go at playtime etc and encouraging them not to go during lessons - however they should still allow a child to go if he really needs to - ask what their policy is.

I have a DD who has lots of accidents and school are supportive and she is allowed to go whenever she asks - teacher knows she is not to refuse her or even ask her to wait a moment regardless if it is the most inconvenient time! If your son becomes over anxious about this he might need some reassurance along those lines.

Original poster

mustsleep · 06/02/2008 10:49

a sucky up parent is imo one of those parents that always has to be first at the door with her child who she will then block the door with while she tells the teacher what funny things her lo has done and i can onlyimagine what else they talk about maybe what they had for tea i do not know? they are the same at pick time talking to the teacher about none important stuff, while someone else desperately needs to speak to her

they are also the people that get to find out about everything first as (well ds teacher anyway) will just tell the people at th door about stuff that they need, or things that are happening etc and won;t bother with the rest of us (for example before parents evening the other week she told a load that were stood at thr front that we could go in and look at their books and work, noone stood at the back found out about this as she didnt bother to tell everyone or do a letter etc)

OP posts:

Bubble99 · 06/02/2008 10:50

I can kind of understand making a child miss time from their break if they are using the 'I need the loo' thing as an excuse to mess around outside in the loo area but not go to the loo, IYSWIM. But would that really occur to a 6 year old? I'm sure some teachers will be able to enlighten us.

hatrick · 06/02/2008 10:52

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Original poster

mustsleep · 06/02/2008 10:53

thanks will do that maisykins

i prob wouldn;t be overly concerned if he had a few accidents etc but he has never wet himself at school even when he was at nursery!!

he doesn't have a contact book, they don;t even have a reading book (for comments about how they got on with their book this week etc) or a spellings book they just do them and we never find out how they did

i really liked his teacher that he had in reception and was looking forward to him going into year one but i really don;t like the way that they are doing things now just feels like you never get anyfeedback and when you ask the teacher she just says oh yes so and so is doung fine and that's it

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hatrick · 06/02/2008 10:54

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Wisteria · 06/02/2008 10:57

lol -at sucky up parents - they really are unbearable

pelafina · 06/02/2008 10:58

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VanillaPumpkin · 06/02/2008 11:01

Oh. We don't have any sucky parents in my dd's class then. I was worried I would be classed one for volunteering for helping with reading and writing lots in the contact book......
You need a contact book. No wonder the parents are all trying to speak to the teacher. What a nightmare.

Original poster

mustsleep · 06/02/2008 12:54

well i have taken him to the docs said and they have told me to bring a urine sample back to check it, but he said that it's prob just a bit of this winter virus that's going around and that he could take the rest of the week off if i wanted to let him "rest up" although i don;t think there's much chance of that

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