to be extremely abgry that ds's teacher ignored him when he said he needed the toilet?

[mustsleep]

ok so i picked ds up from school yesterday and noticed that he had a carrier bag with his trousers and pants in it, when i asked him what that was all about he told me he had wet himself (he is six)

i had to go to work so couldnt question him further until i had got home

when i got home i asked him about it he was v upset and said that he couldn;t hold it, i said thats unusual for you (he hasn't wet himself since he was three) he went on to say that he had asked his teacher if he could go to the loo and she said no and then he had asked the ta and he had said no, so poor ds wet himself in class infront of all the other kids

now i am fuming that they would deny him the right to use the toilet and also that she didn;t think to discuss it with me herself and just left ds to tell me about it

now all this week he has been saying to me that he doesn;t want to go to school as he has a tummy ache and i just thought it was a phase but now he's sayoing that on a dinner time when he needs the loo noone will let him go (he has speech prob so i'm thinking maybe they can not understand him although he's never had any trouble b4)

i do not know what to do about this i have let him have the day off today and am taking him to the docs what with the tummy ache and the pants wetting to rule out a bladder infection, i have also told him that if he really needs the toilet and he is told no to just go and use it

aibu???

In the OP you say he says he isn't allowed to go at lunchtime? Is that right?

hmmm.I am facing this myself too. Ds1 had terrible problems with wetting himself up to about aged 5. He's much better now but still when he needs to go, he needs to go - he has very limited capacity to hold on as he doesn't seem to get the urge until the last minute. I've spent a lot of time trying to encourage him to go as soon as he feels he needs to, and NOT to try and put it off until its too late....
Anyway this week he has had soggy pants most days. On closer questioning, he has said that sometimes when he needs to go its the middle of the lesson and the teacher won't let him. And he just can't hold on to it very effectively.
to my mind, this strategy is counter-productive because it just lets him slide back into the habit of being used to having soggy pants, and undermines my strategy to improve things. The teacher isn't aware of this of course, but really I think at the age of 6 you have to cut them a bit of slack - not all of them have great bladder control at that age. If they aren't going to prompt them to go at specific times (and I can see that might be asking too much!) then really I think they have to let them go when they need to....

Have a look at the ERIC website because even though your son doesn't usually have a wetting problem, they have a page explaining about being allowed to go to the loo at school and if teachers say no, it's going against the disability act or something (it includes about how long a child is allowed to stay in soiled clothes for (30 mins I think)).

Obviously, try chatting to the teacher first but it makes interesting reading anyway about health issues at school - like schools not being allowed to have drinking fountains anywhere near toilets!

I think those of you who are adamant that small children should not be allowed to leave class when they need to go to the toilet should be prepared to organise prompted toilet times - like when they come in from lunch or after playtime. I am pretty shocked by some of the attitudes tbh. It does nothing to help them learn healthy toilet habits and could make a small problem much worse.

Exactly Elliott - so many school age children suffer from wetting and soiling problems and are on laxatives.

It's just cruel for teachers to refuse children when they so obviously need to go.

he hasn't wet himself even at night since he was three so it's not that he isn't in control of his bladder he had asked twoce and was refused and also turne out to have a bladder infection

sorry if this thread offends anyone

Message withdrawn

That's disgusting behavior from his class teachers - throw the book at them.

MS - it's not offensive, don't worry. I'll say this though. There are days when I simply can't wait at work until a designated break time to go use the toilet, and I'm certainly not the only one. So if grown adults can't train their systems that well, how can children be expected to do so? It's his bladder, ffs, not mechanical equipment. Maybe he tried to go earlier during a break and simply couldn't then. Or maybe he did go earlier and has to go again. Why can't they just let him go? My son isn't old enough yet for school, but DD went through school with instructions to ask once (before desperate to go), and if told to wait for a reasonable time (such as another child using bathroom pass and wait til they get back to go), fine. But if refused when desperate, simply say "I'm sorry but I can't wait any longer. I must go NOW" and then go. That way the teacher knows where she's going and why. If the teacher has a problem with that, they can call me and I'll discuss it with them. I'm a reasonable mum, but I see no point in trying to educate a child that is so desperate that they're wiggling in their seat. They're not going to take anything in at that point.

I have a child with slushy speech too - I would start talking about disability discrimination.

Being forced to hold on to urine and faeces to the point where you lose control is not only incredibly painful and humiliating, it caused bladder infections which can lead to kidney problems, constipation which can lead to digestive problems, and shame which can lead to psychological problems.

I personally would do the old teacher trick of personally handing the teacher and the TA a highlighted print off detailing these complications caused by enforcing no toilet breaks on children only 3 years out of nappies.