to be extremely abgry that ds's teacher ignored him when he said he needed the toilet?

[mustsleep]

ok so i picked ds up from school yesterday and noticed that he had a carrier bag with his trousers and pants in it, when i asked him what that was all about he told me he had wet himself (he is six)

i had to go to work so couldnt question him further until i had got home

when i got home i asked him about it he was v upset and said that he couldn;t hold it, i said thats unusual for you (he hasn't wet himself since he was three) he went on to say that he had asked his teacher if he could go to the loo and she said no and then he had asked the ta and he had said no, so poor ds wet himself in class infront of all the other kids

now i am fuming that they would deny him the right to use the toilet and also that she didn;t think to discuss it with me herself and just left ds to tell me about it

now all this week he has been saying to me that he doesn;t want to go to school as he has a tummy ache and i just thought it was a phase but now he's sayoing that on a dinner time when he needs the loo noone will let him go (he has speech prob so i'm thinking maybe they can not understand him although he's never had any trouble b4)

i do not know what to do about this i have let him have the day off today and am taking him to the docs what with the tummy ache and the pants wetting to rule out a bladder infection, i have also told him that if he really needs the toilet and he is told no to just go and use it

aibu???

Hey, just to get back to Bubbles, yes, if he needs to go to the toilet in lesson time he has to stay in for the first five minutes of break and make up the time.

I do think this is harsh, and so do most of the other mums, but it is better than not being allowed to go at all. I suspect that it is to make sure that they actually need to go, and aren't just messing about.

Mustsleep, I'd be tempted to get in early to get a word with her (ahead of the 'suck ups') or camp down in the afternoon to find out what is going on.

I'd go to get info (rather than go in AGB) about what occured and the guidelines about using the loo during lesson and lunchtime and then convey:
a)how upset ds is (never happened since he was 3)
b)surprise it was left to ds to tell you after school. A word of explanation and clarification would have been useful as a parent.
c) Agreement on what's to happen in the future when ds needs the loo - this part hopefully with ds present.

for ds

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Poor kid. I don't blame you for being upset about this and you are perfectly within your rights to ask the teacher about it. There isn't much I can think of in the way of mitigating cicumstances, but it may have been that he asked to go at a difficult time and the TA didn't realise he'd already asked or something. Still not really good enough, however, but you should ask, and the fact that you do will nudge them into making damn sure it doesn't happen again.

What a horrible situation, mustsleep. What possible life-changing nugget of information could a six-year old miss out on by having a wee when he needs one?

I despair, sometimes.

That's terrible

If you're not able to speak to the teacher, I would phone the head.

in my class someone keeps weeing in the corner of the disabled toilet cubicle, so we are now trying sending the boys in pairs to check on each other when they finish. I try not to send kids during lesson time because some of them do use the time to mess about and avoid work. Some ask as soon as i say we are tidying up to get out of the chores. Each class usually has someone who goes loads and needs to. It can be hard getting the balance right. I feel for your little boy, ask the teacher for an after school appt maybe and have a chat, ask what the class rule is on toilet as your child doesn't seem to know perhaps. Good luck

in my class someone keeps weeing in the corner of the disabled toilet cubicle, so we are now trying sending the boys in pairs to check on each other when they finish. I try not to send kids during lesson time because some of them do use the time to mess about and avoid work. Some ask as soon as i say we are tidying up to get out of the chores. Each class usually has someone who goes loads and needs to. It can be hard getting the balance right. I feel for your little boy, ask the teacher for an after school appt maybe and have a chat, ask what the class rule is on toilet as your child doesn't seem to know perhaps. Good luck

sorry

YANBU - this happened to me when I was 7. put my hand up to go but we were in ther middle of a spelling terst so teacher just said 'hand down' I waited and when i was bursting put my hand up again. She shouted at me and I end up wetting myself in front of the whole class. I have never forgotten it (or the teacher - Mrs Booth - bitch troll from hell)
Bad enough that it happened but pig ignorant imo to not speak to you or write a note at all
Hope your ds feels better tomorrow

oops - test not terst (obviously would have failed said test.....)

In yr2 ds2 told me his teacher didn't let children go to the toilet during lesson time - he was quite accepting of it, and it clearly didn't cause any problems.

Personally I think that by 6 or 7 most children should have learned to remember to go at breaktimes, and to be able to hold on for a reasonable length of time.

Of course it's awful if a child actually wets themselves, but I think as a principle (to be flexed around in emergencies) it's not a bad one.

[Roisin ducks flaming]

The same thing happened to me as happened to Jackstini and it is the most vivid memory of primary school I have, eclipsing all the good memories. There cannot be a rigid rule for such things because all children develop at different rates, my older boys are definitely challenged in the organisational skills area and are quite capable of forgetting to go at break etc., luckily they seem to have enormous bladder capacity so no accidents so far but I would be furious if they were humiliated by an inflexible teacher.

Slightly different but I remember one poor girl in my class who asked to go to toilet 3 or 4 times in a lesson in first year secondary school, she wasn't allowed to go, cut to the end of the lesson and the when she sttod up she had clearly got her period and had blood all over her skirt, I can only imagine how humiliated she must have been at 11 in a mixed class the week after we did puberty in biology.
Funny thing is it was a young female teacher who I would have thought would have been more understanding...

I could be wrong -but would this be acceptable in a work environment? I would have thought it is a basic human right to be allowed to go to the loo whenever necessary. I like the idea of taking a band for safety and going. Yes some children mess around, but some things (imo) take precedence and using the loo when necessary is one of these things.

Not in mine: I'm a teacher!

Still trying to train yr 7 bladders into believing they can last a 45min lesson

All you have to do is send a note in to the teaher to say your son should be allowed to go to the toilet when he asks.

Fact: a significant number of children (in many schools) will take advantage of going off to the toilet several times every day. There have to be some rules attached to it, at least for the 7s and over.

acceptabvle in work environment? Yes, quite a few jobs, by their nature, have restrictions on toilet visits.

roisin - I see you've made the point too

Pointydog-so do adults! Would you be allowed to stop them going in a work environment? Not trying to stir-genuine question. A lot of children also get very anxious about school toilets and wonder is it wrong to need to go.

No YANBU and are right to be fuming. . Children should be allowed to go to the toilet whenever it is needed. Holding urine in the bladder can cause urinary tract infections. However, some children do say they need to go to get out of being outside, getting out of something they are not enjoying etc so schools usually encourage to go to the loo at break times before play time.
I would go into the school and explain that you are very unhappy with a teacher not allowing him to the toilet when he needed to go. This needs to be addressed as he probably not the first pupil to have been humiliated in this way

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IN a work environment, not all adults are allowed to go whenever they need because the nature of their job makes it impossible.

How can you reprimand someone for going to the toilet when they don;t need?

Haven't read whole thread.
Think this is dreadful
Your poor ds and poor you
What a shameful situation that was completely unnecessary
love to you and him

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