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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Taking your children on a first date

60 replies

ItchyChicken · 22/01/2023 20:05

I honestly feel like I’m going mad.

Me and exP have been separated for just over a year. We have two DDs together 4 & 7. The split was amicable and DDs are with us 50/50, half the week each and every other weekend.

The last weekend he had DDs, they mentioned that they’d met with a lady that exP hadn’t met before, I mentioned it to him when he popped round and he said it was someone he’d met online, and they’d both travelled an hour and a half to meet up. I didn’t say anything at the time as I was still processing. After a bit of thought, I decided to let it slide, it was in the past, it was during the day, so not romantic and what’s wrong with him taking his kids to meet a friend (which is how he would’ve thought of it).

He dropped DDs off this evening, and we were having cuppa and a chat about DDs and school and I mentioned that I thought it was a little weird, and he said that they’d met her and her children yesterday!

I’ve told him that this is a hard red line for me, and I don’t feel comfortable with my DDs being introduced to someone so early, but he genuinely doesn’t see what my problem is! I asked him if he would be happy to take his DPs to meet her and he didn’t think that was appropriate, but didn’t seem to think that an introduction to parents would even equal meeting his DDs.

He really doesn’t seem to think that this is an issue, and I’ve started doubting myself, and thinking that I’ve made a mountain out of a molehill!

Apparently not being able to see her with the children would mean the relationship is going nowhere, even though I pointed out that he has 50% of the week to see her and even offered to have DDs extra days if that made it easier.

His complete refusal to accept that it isn’t appropriate has got me completely questioning myself. He’s a really normal nice guy with no agenda and I’m just trying to work out if I’m the weird one!

TLDR: is it right to take your children on a first and second date with someone you met online?

OP posts:
TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 22/01/2023 20:11

Bloody hell that absolutely not OK! How many of these dates will your girls have to be subjected to if he thinks it’s his gif given right to get his end away?

Wibbly1008 · 22/01/2023 20:14

Errr no! That is not ok. She could be a total nut for all he knows. How is it healthy to introduce kids to dads new gf every other week. Show him this post if he thinks it’s ok - it’s not!

ItchyChicken · 22/01/2023 20:18

I don’t think it’s about getting his end away, but starting a long term relationship for him. I just don’t get why DDs need to be involved this early on.

OP posts:
crookedhoosie · 22/01/2023 20:19

It's not right morally but you can't stop him unfortunately

Eastereggsboxedupready · 22/01/2023 20:21

Nowt like dc to dampen a new relationship though...

Flapjackquack · 22/01/2023 20:23

I find it really odd the woman is apparently ok with this too. It’s odd. I agree there is nothing you can do, but it is bloody weird.

LottoLaura · 22/01/2023 20:25

Oh god, YANBU at all

Also imagine turning up for a date and the guy brings his fucking kids - mortifying

ItchyChicken · 22/01/2023 20:26

Eastereggsboxedupready · 22/01/2023 20:21

Nowt like dc to dampen a new relationship though...

Chatting at bedtime (not trying to dig or make an issue out of it) DD1 says they’re having a sleepover soon.

OP posts:
Ludo19 · 22/01/2023 20:26

Not OK for either of them to bring their kids for a meet n greet

Maybe 6 months down the line but no she could be an absolute psycho? How many women will you daughters have to meet.....that's seriously not ok.

Trinity65 · 22/01/2023 20:27

Oops
Clicked YABU in error there

Ludo19 · 22/01/2023 20:27

Not a fuckin chance should you allow this to happen....a sleep over? After two meetings?

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 22/01/2023 20:28

ItchyChicken · 22/01/2023 20:18

I don’t think it’s about getting his end away, but starting a long term relationship for him. I just don’t get why DDs need to be involved this early on.

Unfortunately, it's entirely his decision as to when he introduces the DC to any dates.

SpinningFloppa · 22/01/2023 20:29

I’m on many single parents groups on Facebook and loads of women think it’s ok to bring their kids on dates, I was posting how I can’t date because I’m with my kids 24/7 and was told I could meet men in the park (from old) with my kids because “it’s no different from meeting a friend” and apparently they could bring their kids too and ours can play! 🤦🏻😣

Reugny · 22/01/2023 20:30

Ludo19 · 22/01/2023 20:27

Not a fuckin chance should you allow this to happen....a sleep over? After two meetings?

There is nothing for her to not allow.

They both have equal parental responsibility.

one of the only things the OP can do is if they still have any mutual wise friends of acquaintances is to see if one of them can talk some sense into him.

Ludo19 · 22/01/2023 20:32

@Reugny I don't think he sounds like he is responsible to parent equally tbh.

WhatInFreshHell · 22/01/2023 20:32

@Ludo19 How do you propose the OP stops this happening?

LottoLaura · 22/01/2023 20:32

Ludo19 · 22/01/2023 20:27

Not a fuckin chance should you allow this to happen....a sleep over? After two meetings?

How would the OP stop it?

its shit but in the camp of things the OP has no control over anymore

Ludo19 · 22/01/2023 20:33

@WhatInFreshHell & @LottoLaura
I don't know. But please continue to pile on a comment ffs.

LottoLaura · 22/01/2023 20:34

Ludo19 · 22/01/2023 20:33

@WhatInFreshHell & @LottoLaura
I don't know. But please continue to pile on a comment ffs.

Post stupid shit, expect replies

Zanatdy · 22/01/2023 20:34

God this is absolutely not ok. What is he even thinking? Would he be ok with you taking the kids on a first date? He has 50% of his time to meet women if that’s what he wants to do. You don’t introduce children until much later. I’ve been dating someone 2 months, someone I knew already as an ex colleague but I’m not even considering meeting his kids or introducing him to my teens until much later, 6 months plus. A first date? God the thought wouldn’t have even crossed my mind

Annabananna1 · 22/01/2023 20:34

Bad idea. And I think your DD probably found it a bit odd but maybe unsure how to process / what to think, since having told you. They're not oblivious to these things.

SomethingLessIdentifiable · 22/01/2023 20:34

He’s a shit dad.

He has 50% of the week, every week, to do as he pleases.

During the time he has his children his focus is on working towards getting his end away, to the extent that he’s taking his children on a first date.

Grim.

And the sad thing is any woman with anything about her would run a fucking mile from someone that thought it was appropriate to bring their kids on a first date. Red flags galore.

Ludo19 · 22/01/2023 20:35

@LottoLaura 👌

Laurdo · 22/01/2023 20:36

I'm married and we wouldn't take the kids on a date with us!

The whole thing is just weird as well as being inappropriate.

Ludo19 · 22/01/2023 20:37

@LottoLaura didn't think it was posting stupid shit expecting to have kids to be in a safe situation. If you'd be happy letting your kids meet a succession of randomers then you do you.

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