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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this make you uncomfortable?

64 replies

Izearle · 22/01/2023 19:31

I live with DH and our four teenagers. DS16 has been seeing a girl for around 9 months who regularly sleeps at our house, and him at hers (they’re together 6-7 nights a week so it’s pretty intense).

However, DS16 and his girlfriend have taken to visiting the bathroom together on a daily basis. One of them needs a pee? The other goes in too. Shower? Yep, the other one has to join.

AIBU to think this is totally inappropriate in a shared family home with six people, in a shared family bathroom? (DH doesn’t think so but it’s making at least two of us uncomfortable)

They even went to the disabled toilet together in a restaurant last week because DS apparently had to help her do her bodysuit back up…

(My family is very private/guarded whereas DHs are very open and free so I’m genuinely interested to hear what is normal!!)

OP posts:
Roundabout78 · 22/01/2023 19:32

Totally weird. I’d be more worried about how intense this relationship is, and that they seem very codependent. He doesn’t need to help her get dressed! 😵‍💫

Sleepwalkingintothewall · 22/01/2023 19:33

It's weird but it's clearly ok with them. As long as they're not hogging the bathroom then I wouldn't have an issue.

Maybe buy her one of those zip hooker things for the elderly for her next birthday she can keep it in her bag on nights out.

mrsmarmalade12 · 22/01/2023 19:33

Not normally at all, I wouldn't allow that. Especially in restaurants, it's not appropriate.

Emmamoo89 · 22/01/2023 19:33

Very weird!

SomethingLessIdentifiable · 22/01/2023 19:33

I wouldn’t be allowing boyfriend/girlfriend sleepovers at age 16, I can’t even get my head around the bathroom thing.

It sounds like an incredibly unhealthy weird relationship.

MichelleScarn · 22/01/2023 19:33

It's all weird and attention seeking, but this is appalling They even went to the disabled toilet together in a restaurant last week because DS apparently had to help her do her bodysuit back up…

LaLuz7 · 22/01/2023 19:34

It's weird. The relationship sounds a little unhealthily intense for their age. Codependency is not cool.

TeenDivided · 22/01/2023 19:35

The intensity seems too much altogether for me. When are they seeing other friends, doing individual activities?

PollyAmour · 22/01/2023 19:35

They watch each other pee? He helps her do up her bodysuit?

Whatever happened to teenage romance?

ComfortablyDazed · 22/01/2023 19:35

Well, I have a 14YO DS and I can’t imagine turning a blind eye to such an intense relationship in just two years’ time, let alone the inseparable bathroom trips.

So no, I wouldn’t be comfortable with it, and I grew up in a family that was very comfortable with nudity, etc.

I guess my concern wouldn’t be the joint bathroom trips, per se. But at how unhealthily co-dependent the relationship is.

LottoLaura · 22/01/2023 19:36

YABU

Although many on here also seem to be part of closed off/slightly repressive families so you’ll get a resounding YANBU I’m betting.

They're likely in the shower together for sex, the jumpsuit issue makes sense for the going to the loo together whilst out too.

AnneTwackie · 22/01/2023 19:36

I think at 16 they need a bit of guidance in setting healthy boundaries. When this relationship ends they’ll be lost if they’ve not kept up with their friends and other interests. The bathroom thing would be the least of my worries. It’s not being guarded it’s parenting.

SmileWithADimple · 22/01/2023 19:37

To be honest, even before you got to the bathroom bit, I felt uncomfortable about the intensity of this relationship. Spending 6/7 nights together at age 16 just seems far too much to me. I have teens btw.

LottoLaura · 22/01/2023 19:37

PollyAmour · 22/01/2023 19:35

They watch each other pee? He helps her do up her bodysuit?

Whatever happened to teenage romance?

Why is it weird he helps with the bodysuit?

I went into the loo with a friend last week for the same reason, unless you’re a contortionist it’s hard to do up a bodysuit on your own!

ScarlettDarling · 22/01/2023 19:37

It’s a little bit “Look at us, how grown up are we?!”

I’d feel very uncomfortable with it. It feels like they’re flaunting the fact that they’re intimate with each other instead of being discreet. I’d be having a word with my son and telling him to knock it off.

ComfortablyDazed · 22/01/2023 19:38

Yeah, it’s really ‘repressed’ not to be co-dependent, clingy and needy.

Lordofthebutterfloofs · 22/01/2023 19:38

LottoLaura · 22/01/2023 19:36

YABU

Although many on here also seem to be part of closed off/slightly repressive families so you’ll get a resounding YANBU I’m betting.

They're likely in the shower together for sex, the jumpsuit issue makes sense for the going to the loo together whilst out too.

You don't think it's weird and rather inappropriate to be shagging in the shower in the family bathroom in your parents house when they're in and know about it?

I do. That's weird.

Whatatimetobealivetoday · 22/01/2023 19:38

Roundabout78 · 22/01/2023 19:32

Totally weird. I’d be more worried about how intense this relationship is, and that they seem very codependent. He doesn’t need to help her get dressed! 😵‍💫

I think the helping her get dressed part is the most normal part about it. Lots of women would ask a friend to come to the toilet with them to help them do up a difficult outfit so why not a boyfriend.

Peeing together is weird.

LottoLaura · 22/01/2023 19:39

Lordofthebutterfloofs · 22/01/2023 19:38

You don't think it's weird and rather inappropriate to be shagging in the shower in the family bathroom in your parents house when they're in and know about it?

I do. That's weird.

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Of course not, again, there are lots of closed off people on this site so I’m not surprised by the vote.

Whatatimetobealivetoday · 22/01/2023 19:41

Just realised, am I being really naïve here? Do you mean they are going to the toilet and pretending to need to pee but actually shagging?

Ew.

LaLuz7 · 22/01/2023 19:42

LottoLaura · 22/01/2023 19:39

Of course not, again, there are lots of closed off people on this site so I’m not surprised by the vote.

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Not wanting you teen to have sex in communal areas while you're in the house is not about being open-minded and sex positive. It's about requesting basic decency and respect in your own house.

Lordofthebutterfloofs · 22/01/2023 19:42

LottoLaura · 22/01/2023 19:39

Of course not, again, there are lots of closed off people on this site so I’m not surprised by the vote.

Show quote history

It's not about being closed off, it's basic manners.

rwalker · 22/01/2023 19:43

Tbh just show a lack of respect in your home

LaLuz7 · 22/01/2023 19:44

LottoLaura · 22/01/2023 19:39

Of course not, again, there are lots of closed off people on this site so I’m not surprised by the vote.

Show quote history

Do you also have sex in the shower when you're staying with friends or family? While they're in the house?

LadyKenya · 22/01/2023 19:47

Sounds like a lack of respect, and boundaries.