To think it's really hard to make friends as a adult?

[CurlyTop1980]

Just this really. I've just gone p/t after working full time for all of my adult life. My kids are now in year 7.

Alot of my social life revolved around my old job. I'm new job I haven't really made any friends yet. All my old university/school mates have all moved away. And as I used to work f/t and not really go to the school I don't have many school mum friends.

I've gone p/t ad I couldn't sustain the stress levels in my old position. But now I find I myself with loads of free time and no one to spend it with.

The only closer friend I have is suffering with long covid and can't do much. I suppose its my own fault for mot really making such an effort with people as my old job took up so.much of my time and energy.

I think join a group / club for people with similar interests.

It might be a bit weird at first but after a few sessions it will start to feel great.

I am a 40 year old with 'old lady' hobbies (Think Granny Pig - knitting, historical reenactment and keeping chickens) so I tend to get on with people who are, on the surface, quite unlike me - people who are much older or younger, or people I wouldn't meet on the school run basically. I have to go out of the way to find 'my people'.

I feel similar.

I have free time during the day during the week but no friends available then.

I've thought about volunteering.

Other options are book groups or art groups, film clubs, evening classes, parkrun a regular gym class, yoga etc.

I go swimming twice a week. But I've never thought to start a full blown convo post isn't the water chilly?

What hobby would you join?

i find it hard. I had a great group of friends and we all worked in the same industry. However when I left my job I was pushed out as I wasn’t working with them.
Now I’m a carer for my teenage daughter and I find it incredibly hard to get out of the house. So I can’t join clubs and the few friends I do have still I hardly see.

Teatime

I really feel for you being a full time carer for your teenage daughter. I can't imagine how tough this must be for you. My previous job which was so stressful that I couldn't sustain it was as a Adolescent Safeguarding Social Worker. So massive hugs to you.

I agree with tbe work socialising those. I actually really miss my team
We used to go to the pub once a week and there was always some birthday etc to go to.

I had this problem when I lived in an area where everyone worked ft and I was working pt freelance. I tried for years but everyone I met just wasn't my "type" of person.

Moved back to my home country and have made so many friends it's hard to keep up with them all. (Not trying to make you feel worse)

What are your neighbours like?
Are there any local Facebook groups for the local area?
Any interests that you have that there might be a local group for?

I've moved around a lot as an adult so I've had to find ways to make friends. In my experience hobbies and groups are the best way of doing so, but in particular anything that a) will attract a mixture of ages/relationship status and b) that are interactive esp if require you to partner up or team up during the activity. So for example, I tried art/ craft groups but they were mainly attended by women who had caring responsibilities who weren't looking for any additional socialising, and you only really spoke to the person next to you. Although they weren't necessarily my 'thing', the best were joining a local netball group (they had a complete beginners one!) acro yoga and a samba band!

Morning all. So I took the plunge and just text a load of mates that I hadn't spoken to in a while and apologised for not reaching out. I explained my work/life balance has changed and asked them about availability to meet up. Some live pretty far away so I would need to book a place to stay (they don't have any room). So far so good. They were all pleased to hear from me and we have some dates booked in.
I also reached out to some local mums and explained my circumstances have changed and they are all up for doing coffee/lunch in the day. I spoke with my friend who has long covid and asked what is manageable for her and have made plans around this. I also text some cousins and aunts I have been meaning to go and see.

Thanks all for your support.

Just read your threads OP. Really glad you've been in touch with some old friends and making arrangements to see them.

Also, don't forget, to keep in touch with the people you used to work with - even suggest meeting up with the group or individuals. If you've got more time, is there a hobby/interest that would get you out of the house? You might not make friends, but it could still be a social thing. Even though your DC is in Year 7, in time you might make time with another parent - do all the drop offs/pick ups if you can - some parents will happily have a chat and who knows what will come of it (I know someone who met a friend this way about seven years ago).

That's a great update. Well done

YANBU, it's really hard. I've got no children and am self employed. I've not spoken to anyone since Friday.

Well done. Very proactive 👍😊. I should do the same.

Same here. Any of you in Harrogate or York area??

It takes time to make new friends as adults. Mums from my son's year one (he is yr3 now) are only just becoming good friends. It doesn't happen over night as it does when you are a child or at university.

Good idea! Anyone in London?

OP, I'm impressed at how proactive you've been Friendships take effort, and fairly regular nurturing, like a garden. Hope your social life blooms.

That's wonderful news op. I also work part time, I have a dog who keeps me busy. I go to yoga and Pilates, I visit my dad and I volunteer at my sons school sometimes.

Great update OP! Can I also add that you are unlikely to make friends at the gym, I have attended regularly for decades, and whilst mine is a friendly gym ,it goes no further than hello and very basic small talk. But I think you’ve had some great advice on this thread, just a few connections will make you feel a million times better

What hobby would you join?

A running group. Slow, or absolute beginners, preferably. Trot along next to one of the same handful of people for half an hour of chat, week after week, and you’ll find you know them better than their own families do.

Yes and no.

It is true that many have had good friends since childhood, but people now move more and settle in places far away from old friends.

It's not just you, there are many in the same situation. You need a hobby where you can talk along as you do it, a walking group, a dog or two? I've never been short of friends since I took home my first puppy, decades ago.

To find friends via hobbies you need to join a club. Then making friends as an adult it’s easier than when you were younger.

The two places I’ve made friends as an older adult is the school gates & work, I’m still seeing friends I made at my last job which I left over two years ago! My current colleagues are nice & friendly but we don’t socialise outside work.
i do have good friends who I’m grateful for but my social life is a bit boring these days as groups have disintegrated a bit since covid. Dh and I mainly see friends separately and it’s all a bit tedious! - I used to love couples dinners out etc.
I feel I’m in a no-man’s-land of meeting new people - between the school gate days and pre-retirement age. I’m not really up for the WI so I’ll either have to get a job that’s more sociable in the next year or so (when I plan to move on), or wait another decade til I’m over 60.

ive just seen your update OP. V proactive & I prob need to do similar.

Join the local primary school PTA, still seeing those friends years later.

I've made a lot of friends through a hobby (Morris dancing). It's very sociable, feels more like a club than a class and learning dances together breaks the ice quickly. It doesn't appeal to everyone but for me it's made a huge difference.