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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bridesmaid - destination wedding

57 replies

Jellybean120 · 22/01/2023 12:19

Close friend has asked me to be BM for her wedding next May. I said yes...she had planned the wedding to be in her home county. They have now decided to have a DW in Italy, no children allowed - they have no kids.

I've initially said OK...and that I will figure it out but the more I think about it I don't want to go without my 10 year old, we can't really afford it and would have to forfeit a family holiday with son to go. Also where we live there are no direct flights so we would have to change in France or travel 4 hours to an airport for a direct flight.

I feel so crappy as I'm meant to be BM but I just think DW are such a big ask for some people. (Couple earn about £120k combined where as our annual income combined is less than half theirs).

OP posts:
TenoringBehind · 22/01/2023 16:52

Just tell her straight up that you can’t afford it and it doesn’t work for you as a family. Surely any normal non-bridezilla person would understand this.

in my experience most of those invited to destination weddings do have to decline.

StaunchMomma · 22/01/2023 17:05

No way would I even consider it if it meant the family missing out on a holiday.

You're right to put your family first, OP.

StaunchMomma · 22/01/2023 17:08

Also, them changing the wedding destination from the UK to abroad and just expecting you to pay for flights etc to be in their wedding party is so cheeky.

LadyWithLapdog · 22/01/2023 17:09

Does it involve a canoe? (There was a DW thread a while ago which involved a canoe. I can’t remember what the outcome was.)

drpet49 · 22/01/2023 17:14

StaunchMomma · 22/01/2023 17:08

Also, them changing the wedding destination from the UK to abroad and just expecting you to pay for flights etc to be in their wedding party is so cheeky.

I agree. If she wants to be part of the wedding party as a bridesmaid she should be paying for your flights and accomodation.

LindyLou2020 · 22/01/2023 17:47

YouScrewMeIScrewYouBack · 22/01/2023 12:29

There's no need to put them down for 1. earning £120k 2. Having no children. You don't need to take swipes at their personal circumstances which have no bearing on why you can't go to the wedding.

Explain to your friend your circumstances. You can either ask if your child can attend and pay the costs or you simply cannot go.

@YouScrewMeIScrewYouBack

Sorry, but your first paragraph comes across as unnecessarily mean.

Havehope21 · 22/01/2023 19:16

Don't feel rubbish, you live different lives and are in different circumstances. Anyone who has a DW has to accept that, by nature, not everyone will be able to come. I would say that you were flattered to be asked to be her bridesmaid but it doesn't work financially for you to be able to go. A good friend would understand. If you end up losing your friendship over this, she isn't really a friend worth having.

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