I’ve got no chance against the other side’s Solicitor have I?

[Watchingthetiderollaway]

Sorry not an AIBU, but wanted to post here for hopefully extra responses.

I appealed against a child maintenance decision and a Tribunal hearing has been arranged for just over 3 weeks time. I only found out last week that my ex has got himself a Solicitor, and now I feel defeated already as she’s clearly going to know every legal loophole there is in order to help him win the case.
I can’t afford legal representation and I’m feeling so pissed off that my ex can make out he’s broke to the cms but then be able to afford a Solicitor.

The only way I found out he has a Solicitor is because she contacted me asking me to send her all paperwork that I’m hoping to rely on in the hearing. Has anyone else been in a similar position?

Good point, he’ll probably lie and say his family paid for him though.

You see, I thought about this but I’m thinking that if I don’t send anything at all, could the solicitor argue that my evidence can’t be used because she hasn’t got copies of it I wonder?

Arseholes aren’t they, but my DC’s will one day be adults like you say, and they’ll see that their dad didn’t give a toss.

If you ask to get this thread moved to legal matters, there are a couple of knowledgeable solicitors on there that could probably tell you if you have to send the information to his solicitor.

And to reiterate what everyone else has said, please don’t worry about representing yourself the judges are there to look after the best interests of the child and are used to people not being represented.

Represent yourself.
For a start you'll need all the paperwork his solicitor asked for, showing your own financial situation .
You'll need to show costed expenses for the children (clothes, food, heat, activities, school extras, shoes, outings)

Plus proof of any contributions made by Ex.

Plus any paperwork you have about his employment, income, debts, bank statements, tax returns, benefit claims. His current housing (is it rented? How much. Did he buy it? How much.) What presents did he give the kids for Bday and xmas. What kind of food does he feed them; where does he take them. All that tells you how much he spends on them (compared with you).

Get busy and good luck.

Then do that - tell the solicitor you sent it to the tribunal court as you were instructed to do.

Also, solicitors charge by the hour ....don’t you have some big (very long) story to tell her about how your ex has money but won’t support his children?

In most cases, both sides will usually be able to see any evidential documents as part of disclosure - how quickly they are shared, I wouldn't know. However, I would NOT send any copies of any documents you have directly to the solicitor. I would speak to the court before doing anything like that and I'm sure they will tell you what/how the sharing of documents is done and when. You will be entitled to a copy of whatever he is using as a defence and they should tell you how that is sorted as well.
Speak to your boss on Monday and ask them if you can have some time to make the phone call - offer to take it as a couple of hours leave if necessary, I'm sure your boss will let you (hopefully without using leave) realising that it is very important - if you don't ask, you don't get.
Ps. If the solicitor is going to argue that you can't use what you've got as evidence because you haven't sent it, then bounce that straight back at them and say they can't use whatever they've got as evidence as they haven't disclosed what they're using as evidence to you. Can't have it both ways.

This could be a good opportunity to see his evidence beforehand. Have you thought about contacting his solicitor and suggesting a mutual exchange of evidence?

I have been in exactly your position. He was paying nothing, self-employed, total liar. I couldn't afford a solicitor. He turned up in court with a solicitor AND a barrister.

This is my advice to you:

You will be ok representing yourself if you can hold it together and stay calm.

BUT you must write down the factual points you want to put across and stick to them. (I was totally intimidated and bullied by the lawyers. I felt upset and confused and I made a real mess of it because I hadn't written down my points and kept getting sidetracked.)

He will lie about his earnings. So you will need to demonstrate that his lifestyle proves that he is lying. For example, if he only earns X amount, then how is he able to afford a legal team, a fancy car, his house, holidays, etc. (You get the general idea.) List everything. Are you able to find photographs on social media you can use as examples?

Does he have a history of lying? If so, give examples that you can prove.

Did he have a history of financial abuse during the marriage? Again, give examples if you can.

You do not have to co-operate with his solicitors. They are working for HIM, not for you. Do not engage with them. (I made this mistake.) You can send any evidence to the Tribunal Court at the court's instructions.

When I did tribunals (HMRC and LA (ehcp)) then the court sent out the documents but I had a deadline to provide evidence.

Btw I won both times. Doesn't matter what people say - they have to stick to the law.

Nipping out but will be back later to read replies.

You see, I thought about this but I’m thinking that if I don’t send anything at all, could the solicitor argue that my evidence can’t be used because she hasn’t got copies of it I wonder?

You're evidence must be sent to the court. It's their responsibility to send out the tribunal bundles.

If the court has accepted your evidence then that's what matters.

I provided a last minute document at ehcp tribunal which arrived the evening before. I email court straight away and all parties involved (as per the directions from tribunal). They tried to have it dismissed but the judge asked why and gave a 20 minute recess for them to read it and pointed out they'd already seen it.

I think they are quite wise to parties wanting evidence barred because it doesn't help their case and helps the other side asking for the tribunal!

if I don’t send anything at all, could the solicitor argue that my evidence can’t be used because she hasn’t got copies of it I wonder?

The solicitor represents EX; she is never going to suggest anything to a court that disadvantages him. She WILL point out to the court, anything she can use that disadvantages you or puts you in a poor light.

You're the one contesting a child maintenance decision. Failure to provide paperwork could look as if you're withholding information that would undermine your claim.

You should have his bank statements.
Go through them and see what he is spending on.
Was the car the one you had together.
Mortgage payments or rent, are payments shown?
Does he have a pension.
His phone who pays for it.
All these can show he benefits from the buisness.

You are a litigant in person. Technically this solicitor cannot play the kind of games that she would with another lawyer.

My advice to you is to serve it right back to her. I am a solicitor and she will be hoping that she can scare or put you off.

Don't be scared. You write back and demand evidence of your ex's income, the bank statements, or whatever evidence you need now.

She is just a bit of window dressing for your ex. Get tough and make it clear that, if he were reasonable, provided this information and reached agreement, there would be no tribunal at all. You have no desire to waste the tribunals time but he does.

He's a time waster. You use her and go right back to frame him as such. It's his intransigence that means you are going at all.

Lawyers are ten a penny. Good ones will seek a deal in these circumstances. A greedy one will rinse your ex and he loses anyway.

Best of luck.

I know it seems like David vs Goliath, but you need to turn up and know whats going on. These websites provide clear and simple advice and info on family court issues. The first one centres and Bath and Bristol but the info is televant to any court.
www.familycourtinfo.org.uk/
www.advicenow.org.uk/family-court

There are also some good videos on you tube. Here is the link to the first in a series of 3. m.youtube.com/watch?v=cgAVMahol7Y&list=PL-A3hOBxg24hYiFRM8QqzmNV2K948DrOH&index=3

I hope that helps you. Good luck

A cards on the table approach is best. The judge doesn't let people produce evidence like rabbits from a hat, it's only right that everyone sees everything that's available. His solicitor will advise him on the likely outcome based on the evidence. If you have some that helps, it's worth disclosing it so that his solicitor can advise him to reach agreement.

Dont sent his solicitor anything.

Let her and him gather their own evidence.

Of you send her what you have she will look at ways to discount it as that's what he will be paying her for.

The key thing is it's pretty likely your ex has been uncooperative so you don't have evidence or disclosure from him to make your case.

That needs pointing out. When you write to a lawyer don't think of them. Think what you need what you need and what a judge needs to make a good decision for you.

You can make it very very clear he has been unreasonable for a long time. You can point to this in court, and make that clear.

Judges do not like anyone who could settle but choose to not engage and go to court instead. This is why a lot of men lose at court btw because they hang out too long, or think the court is there to ratify their personal views. That is not what it is for.

In discounting - yes the aim is to cut down your claim.

There are two ways to do this, either pad the claim but putting all you need and more. This is a respectable way to negotiate and expected. Don't fall for the greedy woman line. These are your children. Inflation is at 10 percent.

Then calculate a settlement amount but keep that to yourself. Also any settlement needs inflation linking so it keeps maintaining value. A judge will ensure this but you need to keep an eye on it too.

I don’t have any up to date bank statements unfortunately

Thanks, that’s helpful!
I did wonder about his bank statements, but not sure if he has to provide them to the court?

Thank you for the info!

Oh Uncooperative is an understatement!
Re his bank statements, the court haven’t asked him to provide them so he may argue that he doesn’t have to.

This is what I thought, that maybe the tribunal wouldn’t accept last minute documentation on the day, but I just don’t know. I’m new to all this and so I’ve got no clue as to what a tribunal is like.