Is being dry at night parenting or nature?

[Highflow]

I have DS nearly 11 and DD 8.

DD is just getting dry at night. She still wears a pull up but the last couple of weeks they’ve been dry in the morning and she’s either got up for a wee in the night or first thing in the morning.

DS however has never had a dry night in his life. Is it something we’re doing or not doing? I thought it was something would happen naturally without training for, unlike potty training, but it’s not. His school residential is fast approaching, he understandably doesn’t want to go if he is still in pull ups, I’d love for him to be dry to be able to go. Any advice would be gratefully received.
This is our routine… he wears a pull up to bed, takes desmopressin 1 hour before bed. This does cut down his urine output overnight but doesn’t stop it. Without desmopressin he would wee 3 times in the night on average, with it he wee’s twice I’d say. The reason we continue with the desmopressin even though it’s not fully effective is that without it, he would wee too much for the pull up to hold and wets the bed. Taking the medication at least makes it contained in the pull up.
Just for clarity, he sleeps all through this, he is such a deep sleeper (which I think is his problem), it’s me getting up checking in the early days to see if/when he had wee’d to give a proper description to the Dr before they prescribed desmopressin.

He only drinks water, occasional lemonade. Doesn’t drink an hour before bed. Wee’s before going to bed. On advice of Dr we make sure he has big drinks throughout the day so as to make his bladder work during the day.

Sorry for the long post but I’m willing to try anything to get him on his residential 🤞🤞

No advice on the wetting, but teacher here. I have taken plenty of kids on residential who still wet at night with no problems. I'd just go into their room in a morning as part of the normal wake up routine and child would leave their pull up in a bag hidden somewhere that I could just take and dispose of. None of the other children in the room ever noticed. Speak to his teachers and they should be able to sort something out discretely. Don't let this make him miss out!

As a parent of a child who was dry through the night at 16 months but not during the day until 3.5 years, I can assure you it’s nature. I did absolutely nothing to encourage my kid to be dry. Good luck!

I would second the advice to get in contact with your continence nurse team and ERIC, both have been really supportive for us. We have the opposite problem, my DS7 has problems during the day but dry overnight from about 18 months, so another vote for nature on this. I hope they are able to help, it must be really hard for your DS.

My dd was dry day and night at just turned 2. My ds is 10 and still not dry. Dr's put it down to his hyperactivity and he sleeps dead to the world. He's finally being assessed for ADHD and ASD and he's under the enuresis team and on medication, desmomelt I think it's called. We also have to make sure he drinks enough through the day, no dark drinks, no drinks after 6pm and no TV an hour before bed. We put his boxers underneath the pull up and he has the occasional dry night, he's never had 3 in a row. We're seeing how he goes for another month before looking at other medication.

This is reassuring thankyou. We are a couple years away from residential trips but it is something I worry about.

Boxers under the pull up? So he feels wet when he wee’s?

Nature.
My youngest are ID twins, and 5.5yrs. One has been fully dry at night since before 4, the other is still in pull ups and it's often wet in the morning.

Middle DD was just over 5 when she was fully dry at night.

Eldest two were dry at night by 4.

It's apparently to make him think he's just got boxers on and not the pull up. He has s few sporadic dry nights but mostly still wet.

Nothing to do with parenting (although my mother would disagree and had us dry by 12 months). DS was dry at night from about 2 years old and then during the day from 2.5. We didn't do anything to encourage the night one and he used to still wake up and breastfeed once a night at that age.
I would think that still wetting the bed or wearing pull ups at 11 years old isn't "normal", though, and needs medical intervention. 🤔 As a teacher, I've also taken kids that age on residential when they haven't been dry, yet. We managed and were very discreet about it in those cases.

Both or neither BUT stuff can still go wrong. There are conditions that need to be treated, for example to increase bladder capacity, medications that can be given, alarms work about 60-70% of the time. So, in my opinion, it doesn't matter whether it's nature or nurture, if it's causing a problem for the child then seek medical support.

My 11yo is v similar, we've been through incontinence clinic/hospital, he's been signed off now as basically nothing helped and they just said he'd grow out of it eventually.

Sadly he didn't go on his residential last year and this was part of the reason. He's not started puberty yet so I'm really hoping that next stage will be when it resolves for him.

I think it's not hugely uncommon, especially with boys, but after a certain point parents stop discussing it openly as obviously it is very embarrassing for them.

Btw dd was dry at night from 3. Definitely not to do with our parenting!

Agree. The alarms DO work. But it is HARD work and you have to have the buy in if the child to agree to do it and have an adult prepared to work with the child. But you do have to wake the child. And you have to try every night for 1 month to decide if it is working or not. I slept in DC’s room on a pull out bed for the first 2 weeks and woke DC. Not going to lie, it was pretty hellish. First week, I had to wake my child, as they didn’t hear the alarm. I was jumping up to switch it off so it didn’t wake the rest of the household. Week 2, DC woke to the alarm. Then week 3 they woke before the alarm went off and switched it off. Then week 4 they were dry all night, no wakings. Then we stopped using it.

We had success with the alarm, but I had to sleep beside DD and wake her every time the alarm went off. I forget how many nights but it was more than 3. I know it’s punishing but I wonder if intervening more and for longerwould be worth a try? She still needs to get up to wee most nights despite fluid restriction so clearly isn’t producing enough of the hormone but the alarm seemed to train her to wake when she needs.

X post! I think our pattern was similar to pp above but without the no wakings.

Did you read the ops posts?

My niece was told drink more water during the day but last drink (small) 2-2 1/2 hours before bed. Wee, get ready for bed teeth etc then wee again 1/4 hour later. My niece had alarm and it was loud but she did slept to brought it. My sister slept in her room on camp bed. She was woke immediately to go to toilet. It took her a little over two weeks for her brain to begin to wake up at alarm and rush to toilet. She was 9 when she finally became dry at night.

To those saying get the alarms where are you getting these from? Our GP said they no longer recommend them as it doesn't actually teach the body to not empty the bladder.

My DS is 9 and has a degree of SEN so is still in pull ups. We tend to take him for a wee before we go bed and then use a pull up. When we don't we find he still wets the bed.

I definitely don't think it's down to parenting! We've tried all sorts. The GP also said they don't wish to prescribe meds unless it's short term like for a school residential.

My GP is very helpful 😆

Hi @Someo, I got mine from Amazon three years ago. It had reward stickers inside (which we didn’t use). think it was a red box. Think the alarm itself was blue with a white cable.

I got child to wear pants under PJs as these were tighter so I thought better to keep sensor near the action!

I also made a diary of wakings and what happened. E.g. alarms 11:05pm, wet bed; alarm 3:12am, woke to alarm, made it to loo;

First few night, child wet bed because the alarm has to get wet to sound. So by the time it sounded, I woke up and woke child up, the bed was wet. So I got child to go to bathroom and finish in the loo (even if nothing left). Then clean pants, wash and dry sensor, and clip back on make sure it’s dry or it’ll sound again!!

Good luck!

check out the ERIC website

Nature, my 11 year old is just wetting occasionally now. He's refused to wear pull ups for years .

He's my 3rd of 4 boys and all the others were dry at night between the ages of 2 and 5

I have a cousin who bed wet until he was nearly 14 though

DS1 potty trained himself at 2 and got it really quickly.
Night times however are a different story. Still wet most night at age 10.

Doc gave me the choice of trying des but, after reading about it and knowing a friend's experience of it and it's side effects, we decided against it and to let time work it's magic - it is doing, we've reduced the number of nights he's wet now and when he is wet, it's less volume than previously. Doc was very reassuring that it's not uncommon, and I was late myself as a child but did grow out of it in time.

Hi, I was still wetting the bed at 13, I still get up at least 3 times a night now, no medical issues.
my DD is 16 and still wets about once every few months, no other medical issues. She has been on multiple residential trips including abroad with guild’s.
we are all different.

Not parenting but I'd also say this isn't normal and you should speak to a doctor or do some further research mainly for his peace of mind

Nature for sure. DD was dry at night at 13 months, but not in the day until 3 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Highflow I wet the bed until I was 15. Meds, alarms etc never worked. I would just sleep through it all. For me I think it was linked to hormones, but also I went on a family holiday, staying with friends. I was mortified about it all, but for some reason that holiday was a turning point. I just had one ir two accidents but then stopped. I feel for your DS, I missed out on school trips and sleepovers. All you can do is support him, but he will grow out of it eventually.

Definitely nature! My 5 year old is not dry at night yet, but 2 year old is...