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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is being dry at night parenting or nature?

108 replies

Highflow · 22/01/2023 09:27

I have DS nearly 11 and DD 8.

DD is just getting dry at night. She still wears a pull up but the last couple of weeks they’ve been dry in the morning and she’s either got up for a wee in the night or first thing in the morning.

DS however has never had a dry night in his life. Is it something we’re doing or not doing? I thought it was something would happen naturally without training for, unlike potty training, but it’s not. His school residential is fast approaching, he understandably doesn’t want to go if he is still in pull ups, I’d love for him to be dry to be able to go. Any advice would be gratefully received.
This is our routine… he wears a pull up to bed, takes desmopressin 1 hour before bed. This does cut down his urine output overnight but doesn’t stop it. Without desmopressin he would wee 3 times in the night on average, with it he wee’s twice I’d say. The reason we continue with the desmopressin even though it’s not fully effective is that without it, he would wee too much for the pull up to hold and wets the bed. Taking the medication at least makes it contained in the pull up.
Just for clarity, he sleeps all through this, he is such a deep sleeper (which I think is his problem), it’s me getting up checking in the early days to see if/when he had wee’d to give a proper description to the Dr before they prescribed desmopressin.

He only drinks water, occasional lemonade. Doesn’t drink an hour before bed. Wee’s before going to bed. On advice of Dr we make sure he has big drinks throughout the day so as to make his bladder work during the day.

Sorry for the long post but I’m willing to try anything to get him on his residential 🤞🤞

OP posts:
Winkenblinkenandnod · 22/01/2023 09:55

The other medication DS had in combination with desmo was lyrinel which helped increase bladder capacity. Had to be recommended by paediatrician though, I doubt a GP would feel comfortable prescribing it to a child without specialist advice.

watchfulwishes · 22/01/2023 09:57

BabyOnBoard90 · 22/01/2023 09:36

Stop the drinking two hours before bed. Bit exceptional to be peeing in sleep everyday at 11 years.

Outdated advice from the dark ages here. Other readers should ignore.

Heartsofstone · 22/01/2023 09:57

“””I will try 2 hours tonight. It’s a difficult one as he is a big drinker, he loves his cold water. But he is old enough to understand. I’ll let him have a big drink 2 hours before and just a sip to take his tablets “””

are they desmo melts ?? He should not have water they melt under the tongue

Sammysquiz · 22/01/2023 09:58

He won’t be the only one in pull-ups at the residential. It’s a common issue, especially in boys, and the teachers will have strategies to help him change in and out of them discreetly.

Original poster
Highflow · 22/01/2023 10:01

Winkenblinkenandnod · 22/01/2023 09:55

The other medication DS had in combination with desmo was lyrinel which helped increase bladder capacity. Had to be recommended by paediatrician though, I doubt a GP would feel comfortable prescribing it to a child without specialist advice.

Ah I see. It was the paediatrician that commenced desmopressin. Our next appointment with her though is July (same month as residential). It was supposed to be February but they put it back to July. Guess not a high priority 😏

OP posts:
Original poster
Highflow · 22/01/2023 10:01

Heartsofstone · 22/01/2023 09:57

“””I will try 2 hours tonight. It’s a difficult one as he is a big drinker, he loves his cold water. But he is old enough to understand. I’ll let him have a big drink 2 hours before and just a sip to take his tablets “””

are they desmo melts ?? He should not have water they melt under the tongue

No, tablets

OP posts:
BabyOnBoard90 · 22/01/2023 10:02

watchfulwishes · 22/01/2023 09:57

Outdated advice from the dark ages here. Other readers should ignore.

Show quote history

Loool sure

Heartsofstone · 22/01/2023 10:03

Forgot to add … ditch the pull ups ..
its a lot more work for you but our nurse said it’s the best way to ensure they wake up .. they need to become aware they are starting to wet themselves… this wakes them up… wearing pull ups is not helpful
the amount of urine that misses the loss decreases first …. Because they wake up and realise they need the loo.

watchfulwishes · 22/01/2023 10:05

BabyOnBoard90 · 22/01/2023 10:02

Loool sure

Show quote history

From ERIC:

Drink plenty during the day: 6 - 8 glasses of water-based fluid is best. Only have a small drink before going to bed if necessary and ideally stop drinking an hour before bedtime.
Make sure your child fully empties their bladder before they go to sleep.

Two hours is longer than recommended by the leading charity in this area, what is the point of doing that temporarily if it doesn't solve the actual problem?

Oblomov22 · 22/01/2023 10:06

You've had good advice. But please talk to GP about it because this is not normal.

BabyOnBoard90 · 22/01/2023 10:07

watchfulwishes · 22/01/2023 10:05

From ERIC:

Drink plenty during the day: 6 - 8 glasses of water-based fluid is best. Only have a small drink before going to bed if necessary and ideally stop drinking an hour before bedtime.
Make sure your child fully empties their bladder before they go to sleep.

Two hours is longer than recommended by the leading charity in this area, what is the point of doing that temporarily if it doesn't solve the actual problem?

Show quote history

I've gotten out of the habit of debating common sense with strangers. Go back to ignoring me

Forgooodnesssakenow · 22/01/2023 10:07

It's nature, my almost 5 yr old toilet trained at 2 and was dry in the day for 2 weeks and just stopped wetting at night. He went from leaking through his nappy to dry and running to the toilet when he woke up overnight. We did nothing to facilitate it, he still drinks a cup of milk with supper and will often drain a water bottle in bed doing stories, pees before sleeping and never has accidents.

Definitely my husband's family's genes because all the boys in my family from my brother to my nephew's were in pull ups until half way through primary school so my son was a shock. My sisters ask what I did but honestly it's no more my parenting to thank than it is my parenting to blame that he's a runner who hates hand holding, it's just who he is.

JoyPeaceHealth · 22/01/2023 10:09

My son went from wetting the bed to 6'1'' with only about two years in between.

FEEL YOUR PAIN

Prinnny · 22/01/2023 10:09

DD3 has been dry overnight from when we first started potty training, she’s my first and I knew nothing about potting training so defo nature rather than parenting!

Darkdiamond · 22/01/2023 10:09

My husband and father I law were bet wetter for a long time, and so is my son. The paediatrician said that if my son isn't bothered by wearing a pull up, the we can just reasses in a year. He is 7.

my belief is that all of strategies mentioned just cure the symptoms of the issue, but they don't cure the problem, certainly when done before the Child has the maturity to try them. My son sleeps through the alarm, and the only people to wake are everyone else in the house. I decided to leave it and try again next year. It's a hormonal thing and none of the strategies will work without the biology being sorted first. My daughter is dry at night and she is younge.r

Can2022getanyworse · 22/01/2023 10:11

11 is not the norm, its exceptional to be bedwetting at 11 years old (yes, have worked with literally hundreds of dc that age). Measure his liquid consumption, and times of day he's drinking, offer water only, spread out from waking to teatime then nothing until bed. A well-hydrated human should not need drinks after tea if they're consuming enough diring the day.

Has diabetes been ruled out if he is drinking to excess?

Original poster
Highflow · 22/01/2023 10:12

Heartsofstone · 22/01/2023 10:03

Forgot to add … ditch the pull ups ..
its a lot more work for you but our nurse said it’s the best way to ensure they wake up .. they need to become aware they are starting to wet themselves… this wakes them up… wearing pull ups is not helpful
the amount of urine that misses the loss decreases first …. Because they wake up and realise they need the loo.

We did try this… for 3 nights. It’s unsustainable. He wee’s 2 or 3 times a night. He was knackered, we were knackered!! The only wee that woke him up was the 6am one as he was in a lighter sleep. The others in the night was me getting up to check on him and finding him in a wet bed. I don’t want it to seem like an excuse, but I work nights, so am knackered most of the time as it is and it doesn’t take much to push me over the edge 😆

OP posts:
LeFeu · 22/01/2023 10:15

Bed wetting alarm was a magic bullet for us. Have you tried different types/alerts? Appreciate he is a deep sleeper but there might be a different tone or vibration that works for him?

Original poster
Highflow · 22/01/2023 10:17

Can2022getanyworse · 22/01/2023 10:11

11 is not the norm, its exceptional to be bedwetting at 11 years old (yes, have worked with literally hundreds of dc that age). Measure his liquid consumption, and times of day he's drinking, offer water only, spread out from waking to teatime then nothing until bed. A well-hydrated human should not need drinks after tea if they're consuming enough diring the day.

Has diabetes been ruled out if he is drinking to excess?

He hasn’t been tested for diabetes but I have asked on several occasions about it and all the Dr’s and paediatrician have said he had no signs or symptoms of diabetes

OP posts:
Gremlinsateit · 22/01/2023 10:18

You might want to try the melts rather than tablets so he doesn’t need a drink with them. You’re not supposed to have anything to drink after taking them.

11 is very much within the normal range and it’s nature not nurture.

LeFeu · 22/01/2023 10:19

To add, one of my kids was dry at 5, one at 3, one at 8. Different each time and only one needed an alarm. I don’t think it was my parenting (although daytime potty training middle child tested me to my absolute limit!) and some children just need longer for their body to be mature enough. This certainly isn’t anything you’ve done, and it isn’t “your fault” or anyone else’s.

hope you get it sorted before his residential x

watchfulwishes · 22/01/2023 10:22

I agree you need to return to the GP now and push for investigation. If you mask it by limiting his drinking, you may not get the attention the underlying cause - if there is one - requires.

If there is no underlying cause, the GP will be able to reassure you and him.

Oysterbabe · 22/01/2023 10:25

Both of mine were dry at night by 4. I didn't do anything to achieve this, they just stopped weeing at night. I'm going nature.

3toonboys · 22/01/2023 10:31

I've had the same with both my ID twin DS. Tried desmopressin with no success. Referred to clinic and was advised that they just had small bladders so wasn't able to hold much urine during the night. We encouraged them to drink more during the day to try and help stretch the bladder but, ultimately, it was just a waiting game. They are gong to be 13 soon and, I still get the very occasional wet bed but they stopped needing to wear pull ups about 18 months ago, once they started high school. Like your DS, mine would sleep through, even when they were wet and would regularly leak through their pull ups. Changing wet beds every day was exhausting. We tried putting underpants on before pullups so they they would "feel" wet but it didn't make any difference. I think that you are just going to have to give it time and not make a big deal of it. It's heart-breaking for them as it's not something they can control, but it is embarrassing if they want to go to sleepovers etc. As the previous person said, I used to put a pull up at the bottom of the sleeping bag and told them to put it on whilst in there and to leave it at the bottom the next morning and I would sort it out when they got home. Good luck and hope that it all falls into place for your DS soon.

ExtraOnions · 22/01/2023 10:33

We used Desmopressin, alongside Oxybutynin, until my daughter was probably 12 or 13.

What age did the GP refer to the Paediatrician, and what tests did they do? Have they done an ultrasound scan of bladder and kidneys to check all is physically ok ?

We found school to be great on residentials, and very discrete - but your child should not be in this position. Email your consultants secretary, explain about the residential, and see if they can see you earlier .. they sometimes have cancellations, so can put you on the list.