To think if you give money to one of your children you should give it to all?

[Pippyi]

I share a child with my husband and I also have a stepdaughter too who is my husband's daughter from a previous relationship.

Both children are still young and live at home i.e. not adults!

My husband has started putting money in his daughters savings account every month but not our child's.

Am I being unreasonable to think if he's putting money in his daughters savings account, he should be putting money in our child's too? (Who also has a savings account but he's never put anything in).

For clarity I'm aware older children have more need for their own money but that isn't this. This is savings, DSD also gets pocket money (she's 10) that I wouldn't expect DH to give to our 4yo but I think if you're saving for one child you should be doing it for all of them.

Yes should be equal spilt between the two.

What's the reason?

He doesn't seem to be able to give me a straight one other than 'its incentive for DSD because she's older' whatever that means.

Yes I’d have thought so. Unless he thinks “oh we start saving for them when they reach x age”. That’s a daft approach though as money you put in when they’re really little is worth more when they reach 18 than money put in during teenage years.

He probably hasn’t grasped the fact that saving for them is better done from new born!

Have you asked him? He might be thinking that if he’s only just started saving then the 4yo will have an extra 6 years of money and he’d rather make sure he puts in the same for each of them when they reach 18 for example.

Yes he should be , and maybe try and work out that they get equal amounts when they turn 18 or whatever age . So maybe less in the younger ones account for now .

Do you have a financial family pot which all bills come out of? If so take the same amount he gives to dsd and put it in your dd's savings account. You could then add the same amount of "pocket money" from your own account to your dd's account. That is fair.

Prior to DH getting involved it was, I save for my our child every month and stepdaughters mum has always saved for her (it was her mum who set up the account when she was a baby like I did for our child). DH only recently started adding to DSDs.

No we do joint for bills and separate for everything else

Why is it being seen as ‘his’ money that’s being saved? Why can’t you start saving for your dd, surely it doesn’t technically matter if it’s his/your money?

Can dd's savings come out of the joint bills account?

I already do put money in our child's account every month just as DSDs mum does in hers. I just think if dad is going to start contributing to his child's savings it should be for all of his children not just one of them.

It's his/my money because we don't have completely joint finances.

He'd have to start adding more to it so I'd have to say that's why and then it's the same request as him just putting it directly in our child's account.

I just think if it was the other way around it would never be acceptable i.e. he put money in our child's account but not DSDs. I'd never expect him to do that but it seems (to him) it's fine this way.

@Pippyi You are right that it is only fair that he saves for your joint dd. He is father to both.

Yes you should my parents gave my siblings £700,000 each for a house.
I got nothing, no idea why.
I never got anything.
Its ruined my relationships with my parents and my siblings and none of us ever talk now. I just get on with my life. I feel incredibly bitter though. Why am I the one that always deserves nothing. I'm a good person, I work very hard.

This is awful, I feel sorry for you. And wondering why parents are surprised that their adult children go LC/NC with them! I would never get over this. 700k is massive amount of money. How cruel of them.

I agree with you OP. Does he treat them differently in other ways?

Surely then @Pippyi would effectively be saving for the stepchild if both came from family money..

I think it should be the same for both children, I have two and wouldn’t dream of saving each month for one of them and not the other.

I do wonder however, if your husband feels he should contribute more to the older child if she predominantly lives with mum?

YANBU but it sounds like guilt money because she doesn’t live with him

Definitely yanbu. He should be saving equal amounts for both dds

DSD lives with us 50% of the week

I think he does yes but he won't hear it.

It's things like he never really seems as involved in what our child gets for birthday/Christmas.

I imagine that's because he lives with our child's other parent so knows it'll be sorted whereas he is the only parent to DSD in our house if that makes sense?