To think if you give money to one of your children you should give it to all?

[Pippyi]

I share a child with my husband and I also have a stepdaughter too who is my husband's daughter from a previous relationship.

Both children are still young and live at home i.e. not adults!

My husband has started putting money in his daughters savings account every month but not our child's.

Am I being unreasonable to think if he's putting money in his daughters savings account, he should be putting money in our child's too? (Who also has a savings account but he's never put anything in).

For clarity I'm aware older children have more need for their own money but that isn't this. This is savings, DSD also gets pocket money (she's 10) that I wouldn't expect DH to give to our 4yo but I think if you're saving for one child you should be doing it for all of them.

Very strange...I just don't get why he wouldn't save for both children!
It's almost as if he's trying to make up for something when it comes to DSD. But what? Strange either way.

Why are you asking? You know I ye answer.
Why didn't he save for dsd before, since birth. Your finances are joint right? And you should agree all this, not it just be a given. Tell him you are going to set up a similar savings account for your joint child.

I do already have a savings account open for our child which I pay into monthly. And no we don't have joint finances which I've already said.

It seems unfair - eventually the children will notice the difference which will not be easy.

Is he waiting to start putting money in your child’s savings account once she gets to the age he started saving for his older child? Otherwise it would be unfair as the youngest would have a bigger pot upon reaching adulthood (unless he started saving from birth or before age 4 for his eldest).

I find it very unfair and would be totally pissed of, fact is I don’t speak to my step brother and sister for that same reason. Your partner is planting the seeds for hatred amongst his children. That’s a shyte legacy to leave.

I think it's only justifiable if his intention is to start saving for DD at the same age as he has done for DSD. He needs to be explicit about that with you if it is the case, though.

Can you be firm and tell him it's not on and you're reducing your contribution to the joint family bills by whatever amount he's been putting in DSD's account to add to DD's account as his contribution since he doesn't seem inclined? I wouldn't stand for this at all.

She's his favourite. This would worry me more than the actual money.

Agree with others, it wouldn’t be fair for your daughter to get 6 extra years of savings. So for now it’s fine but when she’s 10 her should do the same for her

@Bestcatmum
I can't believe your parents did that, and your siblings allowed it. No wonder you're NC with them all. It's bang out of order!!! My sibling tried something similar and I'm NC with her too, for multiple reasons, not just that.

OP it's true your daughter will benefit from 6 extra years of compounding interest, than your DSD, so I get why some PP say when your DD is 10, then DH starts saving for her too. But life is unpredictable, in 6 years time, he might not be alive, healthy enough to work, or split up and
become a deadbeat father.......

For this reason, he should put equal amounts into both of his DC accounts. Fair is fair, and by not doing so, he will one day cause a rift between his DC, once it come out DSD has £70k in saving and your DD has £50k for example by age 18. It's setting the sibling relationship on the wrong foot from the outset.

If he really is bothered about contributing the same amount of years, he could start contributing the same for both immediately, and say I'll be contributing for each child for the next 10 years (so until DSD is 20, and DD is 14).

Your step daughter is 10 and your child is 4 but he has only just started contributing to your step daughters saving account.

To make it fair to them both, surely he will start contributing to your shared child's account when they reach 10 years old too.

No, I started pocket money at a certain age. The other child got it when they reached that age. I hate the whole treat identically. My kids get stuff when needed and are not jealous of each other.

You have to make saving for your DC a joint ‘bill’. Or have a huge fucking row with him about setting up a standing order to the savings account.

If your DC is significantly younger then it might be appropriate to agree he starts to pay in at the same age he started to pay in for DSD.

But I’d have been annoyed with him from the start about not saving when you are. DC expenses - bills and savings - should be joint expenses.

Has he always known that you are saving for your joint child and this is to counter balance that.

If he's only recently started saving for DSD he might feel it is unfair to do it for your DD until she's the same age. For example if he saves for DSD say £50 a month from now till 18 that will be 8 years x £600 which would be £4,800 plus interest. If he starts doing that for DD now it would be 14 years x £600 which would be £8,400 plus interest so he might feel that isn't fair.

That would not be reasonable though as DSD's mum saves for her.

I bet his ex has said she can’t pay as much into their daughters savings and has asked him to, but he won’t tell you.

It’s not acceptable of course, he needs to treat both children equally.

I’d be really pissed off if my DH did this.

I save for our joint DC, from my salary. DH doesn’t see the value (he thinks he’d be better investing it on their behalf, I don’t agree) so doesn’t save for DSS. But I think that’s a different scenario.

Unless there are specific circumstances such as one child having a disability, then in general yes should be equal.

I put twice as much in my DC1's account as my DC2's as when my DC1 was younger I didn't have enough money to put any in their account so if I don't put more money in theirs they will only end up with half as much by the time they get to 18.

Thanks for the replies. Will speak to him again about it

If he's started saving for one at 10 years old then equal would be saving for the younger one once she is 10.

How lovely of you - YANBU

If dsd’s account is held by her mum then remember anything put in by dh can be removed by her mum and spent however she wishes.

that’s your family money.