Is this something worth bringing up with the parent?

[marcie15]

So basically my ds (10) has a friend at school, and he recently came home and told me that this boy has excluded him from being in a room share with him on a school trip because 'he didnt think he would be going as he couldnt afford it'
This boys mother has recently taken my ds on a trip to chessington and when she came to pick him up she said ' has he been before?' I said yes he has been lots of times but not recently to which she replied ' well im happy to be able to give him the opportunity to go'
Just to clarify we are a low income family but not to the point where my children go without.They definitely have treats and never miss school trips etc
This boy said this to my ds in front of their whole friend group and he is quite embarrassed and upset.
Should i bring it up with the parent as i feel like this is something he has heard being spoken about by his parents. My ds would never even think to bring up a family's income situation as this is not something deemed as important especially not in his age group.
I am quite angry but dont want to make things worse for my ds

Let it go.

It's not clear to me from your post whether it was the dc or his mother that made the comment, but bringing it up now will not help in any way. It is was the dc, I think you might be expecting a bit much from a 10yo's social skills.

I would absolutely bring it up.

This broke my heart to read. I would be so angry if I were you. But, the best thing you can do is let it go and don't escalate it any further as it will probably only draw more attention and embarrass him more. Be strong for your son and make sure he knows that no matter what a person's income is, it doesn't define who they are as a person. And also let him know its how you make other people feel that define you as a person and so what his 'friend' has done to humiliate him, has only shown the type of person he is.

The parent made a comment and so did her son at different times. She has also made it quite clear she doesnt want my son at her house for playdates etc. just all round snobby behaviour. I feel to say if they are so well off and do not want their children mixing with low income families (the school is predominantly low income) then why not send him to private school instead of humiliating my child?

She has also made it quite clear she doesnt want my son at her house for playdates etc.

How has she done that?

Thankyou for your kind words. I think i will leave it for now im just so upset for my son. If Anything else is said i think i will try to discourage the friendship which is sad but no one needs to be around that kind of judgement especially not 10 year old children 😓

Her son and mine were constantly asking if they could have a playdate to which she said to her son on a phonecall ' why have you put me in this position?! I would really rather not!' All in front of my son. I could be taking it the wrong way but taking everything else into consideration i think its pretty clear what she means

OP - I think you very much need to be encouraging friendships with other children.

Even with a child that is clearly discriminatory against another child? I mean i doubt its come from him personally because what 10 year old looks at another child and thinks ' ah yes he's poor, he definitely cant afford to go on this trip' and then bring it up on more than one occasion. He is clearly hearing this at home. My child doesnt even know how much the trip cost as that is not his concern he shouldnt be thinking about things like that just that hes going and thats it

Op maybe the mum is busy & doesn’t like hosting play dates or who knows what she has going on. My son was unable to go round to his best friends house. It took me a long time to discover that it was because he had an Alsatian. Just encourage your son to make other friends too.

If she's taking him to a theme park I imagine it's not that she doesn't like your son or specifically doesn't want HIM at their house. Maybe she doesn't like visitors, maybe her own child doesn't behave well when other kids come round, maybe her husband is a nark, maybe they're having work done on the house, maybe she is busy with work etc...who knows

I think I'd mention it to the Mother, take a deep breath and say you think her son is confused in thinking that your son can't attend the school trip. You're not sure why he would think you can't afford it. This is a horrible way to treat children and you just can't tolerate it.
My children went to school with children from all sorts of backgrounds. It's interesting now to note that they've mostly left uni and there's been a real levelling out in their achievements and financial status.

Completely understand what you are getting at but taking all the other comments into consideration I really do feel it is a class thing.
I mean if this was my daughter and this boy was her 'bf' (as they do at this age without really understanding what it means) i feel like this would be almost like condoning abuse? And teaching her its okay to be treated like this? I dont feel its much different just because its a friendship and not a relationship and surely because they are so young its more worrying?

Yes i do feel to do his, in my head i was typing a much more confrontational message and obviously that is not the right way to go about it. Im just sad that children this young are learning discriminatory behaviour when in reality if they were left to their own devices the financial aspects would not even be brought into their friendship. It's clearly coming from listening to the parents

No it doesn’t, but hopefully you got a little thrill from posting that comment.

Lol absolutely. Im so jealous that my child is a well rounded NON discriminatory sweet boy and theirs judges people on how much money their parents have. Lets have a guess who is doing better in life later on 🙄

You could possibly be taking this bit the wrong way.

My 3 DC were under strict instructions not to put me on the spot by asking for a playdate in front of their friends.

The only reason for this was it was often sprung on me at inconvenient times, and I hated disappointing them when I had to say no.

So I'd tell them to give me some notice.

'You could possibly be taking this bit the wrong way.

My 3 DC were under strict instructions not to put me on the spot by asking for a playdate in front of their friends.

The only reason for this was it was often sprung on me at inconvenient times, and I hated disappointing them when I had to say no.

So I'd tell them to give me some notice.'

Absolutely agree and if it wasnt for everything else that had happened I honestly wouldn't have though anything of it. It was only the fact that he said to his mother on the phone ' ive been asking you for weeks for (ds) to come round and you still havent text his mum about it'
Tbh this isnt what bothered me or even the fact that she may think we are 'lower class' just the fact that her negative thoughts and opinions have impacted my child when they really didnt need to

That doesn't sound as if it's personal to your son though.

'prob their child because he’ll have access to better opportunities in life'

You know what, you are probably right. Statistically they will do better as money does give a child better opportunities. But if this os the attitude that comes with it then ill take my poor, kind, polite child over that any day. Thanks for your absolute irrelevant input 👍🏻

No. It doesn't. Not one bit.

I'd let it go. It's just not worth it. They make new friends at secondary. I wouldn't assume she didn't want your ds to come round. She might just hate playdates or prefer ones where the parent is a friend of hers.