Is this something worth bringing up with the parent?

[marcie15]

So basically my ds (10) has a friend at school, and he recently came home and told me that this boy has excluded him from being in a room share with him on a school trip because 'he didnt think he would be going as he couldnt afford it'
This boys mother has recently taken my ds on a trip to chessington and when she came to pick him up she said ' has he been before?' I said yes he has been lots of times but not recently to which she replied ' well im happy to be able to give him the opportunity to go'
Just to clarify we are a low income family but not to the point where my children go without.They definitely have treats and never miss school trips etc
This boy said this to my ds in front of their whole friend group and he is quite embarrassed and upset.
Should i bring it up with the parent as i feel like this is something he has heard being spoken about by his parents. My ds would never even think to bring up a family's income situation as this is not something deemed as important especially not in his age group.
I am quite angry but dont want to make things worse for my ds

Tbh I think you feel guilty about the fact you are poor and that is why you are taking this so to heart.

You’re imagining people are going to look down on you which is why you are reading snobbery where there isn’t any.

If she didn’t want her child mixing with yours she wouldn’t have taken him to chessington, and the play date comment sounds like she’s sick of her child putting her on the spot.

As for the comments about giving him the opportunity don’t dismiss the possibility that your child may have played a part here. Children talk. It’s highly
likely he’s told his friend his parents don’t have any money, and the child has mentioned it to his mum who has then said that they will be glad to give him the opportunity to do something.

Don’t let your own insecurities turn this into something it isn’t. And be careful that your not teaching your child to avoid people with more than him because he will be seen by them as less.

Nothing about the OPs post indicates jealousy. What a bizarre comment.

@PatrickBasedman who put 50p In the dickhead? Wind your neck in you troll.

Feels like you’re overreacting, especially in assuming she doesn’t want your ds over at theirs because you’re not wealthy. I’d let it go in the knowledge he’ll make a lot more new friends over the next few years.

I think it would be better to raise this with the school than with the parent.

No it doesn't but your nasty, ignorant comment has made you look thick as shit so well done 👏

Please don't op. We haven't got time to deal with this sort of crap.

Mum once didn't want to do a play date. We don't know why but it might be because we're poor. How is that a school issue?

Mum takes my ds for play dates and also on a trip to Chessington. She spoke to me as if he'd never been but he has, lots of times. How is that a school issue?

Boy said he didn't think my ds was going on the trip because he can't afford it but he can. What are school supposed to do here? Boy says - DS told me he might not be able to go on the day the letters came out, or boy says DS is always saying his family can't afford things, or boy denies it altogether.

I think there's another way that people seem to have forgotten in recent years, and it's turning the other cheek and not thinking the worst of everyone else.

OP I think instead of speaking to the parents I'd teach your son how to handle any comments himself. Some comebacks for if the boy says anything else. I wouldn't take the play date thing to heart though, if they took your son to Chessington they are not discouraging the friendship. I've lost count of the times when my kids have put me on the spot with "can x stay for tea/sleepover" etc. Sometimes I say no because I may have already made dinner and there isn't enough for an extra person for example.

Does her child come to your home to play?

One thing you can dismiss but combined it does seem off. Sorry you are getting a hard time on here.
Maybe a chat with the teacher not to complain but just explain what happened. They may take it into account when they discuss the trip and room allocations in class. They must be used to and have ways of dealing with trip politics and protecting the kids who can't or are unable to go.

If he's ten I'd let it go - he is going to come across snobs or those who think that having money makes them superior in some way. Better to talk to him about that at home, make it clear that there is more to life than disposable income and let the friendship sort itself out.

One of the benefits of kids getting older is you can phase out the irritating parents a bit and let the kids manage their own friendships more.

I would absolutely be saying something and I hate confrontation!!

Either she’s a snobby cow or you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder.
Could even be both

Thankyou everyone for your comments and input (apart from the person whos comments i cant see now but clearly were not very helpful)
I suppose i was just a bit upset for my son that the boy said this in front of the friend group and my son was pretty humiliated.
I will probably not say anything this time just because i dont want to make things worse for my son but will try to encourage him to make new friends and teach him how to not let these things get to him in future. Thanks again everyone

All of this!

Children can get funny ideas about finance.
If you'd asked me at that age which child in the class was richest, I'd have said Christopher.
He got for Christmas his own TV, video player and satellite dish, and £300. I was seriously impressed. We still had a black and white TV. They must have been so rich! I thought getting a book token for £3 was riches.
Looking back, if he did get those, which I doubt, they were probably either stolen or bought on hire purchase and went back after Christmas, and I'm fairly certain he was being at least physically abused.

In our class we had a child who I now know was incredibly rich, but they still came to school in their sisters hand-me-downs, and didn't have anything obviously expensive.
There were also a couple of the class who had riding lessons. One owned her own pony. Which again to an adult could mark them out as on the rich side, but as a child I saw as no more a symbol of money than having a hamster.

My dd thought we were about to run out of money one day when she'd asked for a magazine she often got and I said "Sorry, I don't have the money for that." What I actually meant was genuinely I hadn't any cash on me at that point of time. She told her friends that we were very poor which was a bit embarrassing.

So it could easily be a comment from your ds, which he's probably forgotten about now.

It doesn't sound like the Chessington nor playdate situation is anything to do with money. Some parents are happy to host playdates at home. Others aren't. I was saying to dh that we'd have struggled to do playdates now if the children were that age because he's been working from home since Covid and the only space is downstairs which is fairly open plan.
I also hated having them sprung on me. I did occasionally, but only with parents that I didn't think would judge the tidiness of our house!

I'd mention it, no child should have that said to them. Could stay with him forever that comment.

I really want to, i spoke to my son this morning and he said he just wants to forget about it all and asked me not to say anything because he still wants to be friends with this boy. I feel like i need to just suck it up at this point but if anything else is said i will definitely be talking to the parent

I also agree with @BadNomad . I don't think there was anything wrong with the Chessington or the play date comments and you don't actually know what was the child said about the residential. If he'd said it right in front of you then I would have corrected him. But he didn't.

I don't understand why you think she's against the friendship when she's taken your child out for a day trip.

I wouldn't say anything to anyone about any of it.

😂😂