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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it better to be prepared or unprepared for birth / Labour?

69 replies

Pregnantandirrelevant · 19/01/2023 16:29

I have started with some books and have some classes booked but I have never watched anything like one born every minute or heard someone’s birth story in detail.

Do you think it’s better to know what’s coming or not? I’m scared!

YABU - knowledge is power
YANBU - it will scare you more

OP posts:
OnLockdown · 19/01/2023 16:34

I'd planned to do some research but I hadn't got round to it by the time my waters broke at 37 weeks. I was very unprepared and just went along with everything they said. Including having an induction, which I've since read terrible things about. Everything was fine for me, so I don't regret it.

I do wish I'd done some more research about breastfeeding though. I was clueless.

Quinoawoman · 19/01/2023 16:37

I don't think individual birth stories are necessary but you do need to be prepared for how to cope in each stage of labour and what options are open for you if things go wrong or you need pain relief.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 19/01/2023 16:37

You can read all the books you like and still be totally dumbstruck when in labour.

I think the best thing you can do is ensure you have someone to advocate for you. Because it’s almost impossible to do it for yourself. my DH was an incredible advocate and did things like, when I was in agony and being fobbed off with paracetamol, insisted they get me proper pain relief. He also ensured I was comfortable, that my birth plan was being respected and that he took everything in when I was a bit high on G&A to really listen properly.

That to me is the best prep you can do

howdoesatoastermaketoast · 19/01/2023 16:39

It isn't unreasonable to not want to know, but to a certain extent knowledge IS power in this instance people will ask you to make decisions - understanding the question, and what your options are and what the pros and cons of each of the options are is helpful. You don't have to make all the decisions in advance and even so far as you have a vague idea of how you'd like it go it's good to keep an open mind and a 'play it by ear' attitude.

short course of classes is my recommendation - birth stories are more for swapping than education.

SalviaOfficinalis · 19/01/2023 16:40

I wouldn’t watch one born every minute.

I found it helpful to understand what actually happens physically in the different stages of labour. I thought Milli Hill’s positive birth book was quite good.

Also if you have a partner, get them to read it too so they know what’s happening.

Swiftswatch · 19/01/2023 16:41

It depends on the person.
For me it was better to go in with a bit of naivety.

UnaVaca · 19/01/2023 16:41

Positive birth company digital hypnobirthing pack made me feel empowered going into labour and aware of all options and understanding the role of hormones - I had no idea about any of that before.

pelargoniums · 19/01/2023 16:41

Knowledge is power. Just don’t mistake knowledge or book learning for control: sometimes birth is just going to happen how it’s going to happen. Knowledge will help keep you calm and understand why; it won’t help you change the outcome.

astronewt · 19/01/2023 16:42

Watching OBEM isn't preparation! And one person's birth story is one person's birth story - quite possibly distorted or exaggerated in the telling anyway.

One thing you can actually do to prepare is try to stay fit. Yes, pregnancy isn't always easy and some people physically struggle, but labour is a physical experience and there's a reason they call it a marathon. Staying on your feet helps.

Emmamoo89 · 19/01/2023 16:44

I watched one born every minute. Love it

TeaAndBrie · 19/01/2023 16:44

Honestly ever birth is so different you cannot prepare for it.
I would suggest knowing a little but there will always be exceptions and some stories you would rather not hear about.
labour prepares you for understanding that when it comes to children you can’t prepare. Instincts kick in, trust your body. If something doesn’t feel right then shout about it

unknownscot · 19/01/2023 16:46

I didn't really know what hypnobirthing was but I did the online positive birthing company course and had the most fantastic labour. I was induced at 38 weeks and I absolutely loved labour. It was definitely down to the course.

I managed to film my birth and love watching it back too. 😱

RampantIvy · 19/01/2023 16:47

My best advice is to attend ante natal classes if you can. I learned a lot at mine, and when I went into labour there was nothing I didn't expect or understand. I knew why the midwives were doing what they were doing, and in the end had a very straightforward 6 hour labour.

BudgetBeatrice · 19/01/2023 16:48

I was absolutely petrified of childbirth after reading so many horror stories on Mumsnet. Especially around induction and assisted birth. I ended up having an induction and assisted birth and didn't have pain*, a "frankenfanny", incontinence of any kind, pain or a loose feeling during sex, or any of the other horrible things I'd assumed were almost unavoidable unless I went for ELCS or water birth.

That said, I did get a really good tip from MN, which was to use an Epino. I do think that helped a lot with my recovery from VB. I recommend it to anyone who will listen and who is about to try a VB.

I know I'm probably lucky and I know horrible things can happen, but I also think you read more horror stories than you do "it was fine" stories, because people sometimes share online as a form of catharsis. It's a bit like the relationships board. You never see "my relationship is fine" threads.

*When the MW came round with painkillers after I gave birth I said I didn't need them and she didn't believe me!

Original poster
Pregnantandirrelevant · 19/01/2023 16:48

Thanks. I am reading a hyponobirthing book.

@astronewt I’m trying - 10k steps a day and squats / stretching at 8 months. I wouldn’t say I’m marathon ready!!

OP posts:
coffeeginandkindness · 19/01/2023 16:52

I would recommend Blossom Antenatal
Online courses
They are great
No judgement
No preaching

FanFckingTastic · 19/01/2023 16:52

pelargoniums · 19/01/2023 16:41

Knowledge is power. Just don’t mistake knowledge or book learning for control: sometimes birth is just going to happen how it’s going to happen. Knowledge will help keep you calm and understand why; it won’t help you change the outcome.

Absolutely this. For my first birth I made a detailed, lengthy birth plan and assumed - wrongly - that I would have some control over the situation. In reality you have very little control and just have to deal with things as they unfold. I always think that a birth plan shouldn't be referred to as this, it's really a birth wish-list that you may or may not get.

Sweetnsourtoday · 19/01/2023 16:52

My post grad degree was mostly about childbirth and it still didn't prepare me 🙄

One thing I swear by is a supply of isotonic drinks.

poopoopooinyourshoe · 19/01/2023 16:55

If I had been told how bad the pain would be I would not have ended up with an emergency C section. I wish I had been prepared. Also would have squatted and never laid down.

The delivery was horrific and could have harmed my child. People said it didn't hurt. So I wasn't expecting the degree of pain and had all the drugs which I would rather not have had.

TheRookieMum · 19/01/2023 16:58

Do not watch one born every minute!

Instead, try reading Your Baby, Your Birth by Hollie de Cruz. It's about hypnobirthing and even if you think that's not for you by a million miles, the book is so informative about all aspects of you, your baby, your rights and everything else about labour and birth that you will benefit even if you think hypnobirthing is a bunch of mumbo-jumbo after reading it. (Hypnobirthing is badly named IMO so judge it after you've learned what it is.)

Definitely inform yourself, but avoid dramatised TV crap.

Mummyme87 · 19/01/2023 16:59

As a midwife, prepare prepare prepare. Read read read. Attend classes. Watch YouTube info. Don’t listen to individual stories.
breastfeeding
stages of labour
coping at home - hypnotherapy, non pharmacological pain relief
third stage management options
vitamin k
Induction of labour/postdates/instrumental births/Caesarean sections/waters breaking and not going in to labour

get your partner involved aswell

Mamamia32 · 19/01/2023 17:01

I really wouldn't watch one born every minute. They often feature women who are having a difficult time to make the program more interesting.

I would read about the signs of early labour, when it's time to go to the hospital, and pain relief options that will be available to you so you can make informed decisions when the time comes. If you want to breastfeed then learning a little bit about that would be helpful too, I didn't really research breastfeeding at all and it was a minefield for me.

Hatscats · 19/01/2023 17:03

Ignorance is definitely not bliss!

learn your rights, how to advocate for yourself, and question everything!

ClockingTime · 19/01/2023 17:04

I think it's better to have some clinical knowledge rather than listening to the experience of others because some of them can frighten you to death.
When I had mine many moons ago, there wasn't really any birth choices apart from home or hospital birth and midwife advice.
So I asked my mum, who downplayed it ( which I understand ) and said it was like constipation where you just want to push. No mention of the painful contractions prior to wanting to push.
No mention either of the terrible after pains of subsequent births, so I didn't take any pain relief with me and the only thing offered by the midwife was paracetamol.
My mum's reasoning for not telling me? She didn't want to frighten me. Cheers mum!

Mostwonderful · 19/01/2023 17:07

Scrap the birth plan, it never goes to plan anyway. Instead, research issues that can/may come up. Pain relief, assistance with birth, c-section. Research positives and negatives of them all so you can make informed decisions as and when they crop up. I have found with both my births that they will not give full information and you are not in the right frame of mind to push on for it.

And remember the B.R.A.I.N acronym if you can ( or get birthing partner involved). Then if anything is suggested you can decide if it is the best option for you.
Benefits- Risks- Alternatives-Intuition-Nothing.