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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have told some leering workmen to fuck off? Even though I was with my son?

28 replies

SheikYerbouti · 05/02/2008 19:23

Dropping DS1 off at pre-school this morning, I got shouted at by some blokes who were working on a house nearby. It was "Ohh, look at the fucking tits on that" and comments of a similar ilk. Anyway, I told them to shut the fuck up because I had 17 month old DS2 with me (who was stumbling up other people's front paths at the time and shouting "mouth")

However, is it ever so slightly wrong that when I got in the car, I felt a teensy bit flattered, because the last time I got shouted at was by a bloke in a van who told me I was a fat ginger slag.

OP posts:
RubyRioja · 05/02/2008 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WinkyWinkola · 05/02/2008 20:02

So they say, "Look at the tits on that!" and you say, "Shut the fuck up!".

Wonder who DS is going to take the most notice of.

YABU.

And to feel flattered that some divvy men took notice of you is pretty sad.

TheHonEnid · 05/02/2008 20:04

lol

I was flattered when the car washing man called me a superstar

f*cking desperate isnt it

Wilkie · 05/02/2008 20:04

You are as bad as them. I personally would have asked them to watch their language around my 17 month old son and carried on walking.

YABU

hecate · 05/02/2008 20:05

It would have been good to stop, turn the pushchair to them and shout

"Would you mind repeating what you said about my body, I don't think MY BABY HEARD IT."

Saturn74 · 05/02/2008 20:08

I would have ignored.
And rushed home to post on MN!

tribpot · 05/02/2008 20:13

I thought builders were under a new code of conduct "stupid fuckwitters need not apply" kind of deal? If you were wanting to make a complaint, that is.

I would have shouted fuck off too. I'm all for ds not being exposed to language, but every time we travel on effing public transport he gets to hear language I don't want.

MilkMonitor · 05/02/2008 20:21

Erm yes but your child kind of looks to his/her parents for an example of behaviour, wouldn't you say?

YABU.

Janos · 05/02/2008 20:21

YANBU. Behaving like that in front of a baby!

OK maybe you shouldn't have sworn but it's hard to think of an appropriately witty response in that sort of situation!

Janos · 05/02/2008 20:25

Ooooh, I've just thought of a GREAT response as you walk past - lean down and say to your DS in a loud and clear voice (posh as you can manage)

"Ignore those silly men darling, they talk like that because they are not very clever"

notjustmom · 05/02/2008 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lucyellensmum · 05/02/2008 21:28

YABU, i can understand you were angry, but you sank to their level and justified their comments. ME, i would have shouted, oi, lard arse, i know your WIFE!

IorekByrnison · 05/02/2008 22:46

Give the woman a break won't you!

YANBU. Maybe wasn't the best response given that ds was with you, but I don't reckon he's old enough for it to do much harm.

Now, on the being a teensy bit flattered thing - I've thought about this many times in the past.

As a woman, as soon as you hit puberty you are constantly judged on your physical appearance, and the Builders' Shout is the crudest and most obvious example of this. The first few times you hear it, it is threatening, then it becomes irritating, until you become so conditioned to it that you often don't even notice it any more. Then you start to notice when you walk past a building site and you don't hear anything!

The point is, women are judged routinely and abusively by these idiots, and we just put up with it. It is neither unreasonable to be angry about it, nor to feel a little bit better when they say "phwoarr!!!" and a little bit worse when they say "ginger slag!!!" or whatever.

IorekByrnison · 05/02/2008 22:48

Think Janos' response is good too for next time.

lucylala · 05/02/2008 23:16

my response to comments like that are 'thanks, i know'

fletchaaarr · 05/02/2008 23:24

IGW - you babe

I very much doubt that a 17 month old will pick up your language as a one off, so shut the fuck up is fine.

Next time tell them they can't comment unless they show you that their penis is worthy of comment too.

Or, be cool, and keep on walking

greyskythinker · 05/02/2008 23:29

In Venezuela the men make constant comments to any woman, no matter how old or young. Things like 'hey chica', or 'oh, my moon and stars'. It is actually really sweet and non threatening.

Once, one of a group of elderly gents said to me 'Ahh, you are my queen'. When I replied (in rubbish spanish) that he too, was my king, they completely fell about laughing.

I wish our builders & wvm could be a little less crude and more like the South Americans

Carmenere · 05/02/2008 23:31

Some half-wits builders drinking outside the pub at the end of the road the other night mooned at me as I was trying to park
when I got out of the car one of them said 'oh sorry about that love' to which I replied that it was pretty fecking stupid to behave like that whilst wearing the name of their company on their backs. Ha they looked really worried idiots.

lucyellensmum · 06/02/2008 13:51

Can i just PLEASE point out, that not all builders are like these fuckwits you are describing on here. My DP is a builder and would NEVER behave this way, i would have thought neither would his friends and associates. He doesn't tend to work on sites although he has done, and he does tell me that this sort of thing goes on and really pisses him off, because as you say, it makes him look like a crude mindless fuckwit.

I just get upset when people make the assumption that builders are idiots, when the majority of them are most definately not.

I do actually get pissed off because i never get shouted at at building sites any more But the OP was right to be pissed off as her child was with her.

Original poster
SheikYerbouti · 06/02/2008 16:02

Thanks for all the judgy posts. They are really helpful

I know IWBU, but tbh, it wasn;t something that I consciously thought about. Witty replies always elude me in these situations.

"And to feel flattered that some divvy men took notice of you is pretty sad." Because it's the only notice anyone has taken of me for a long time. That is even saddrer

OP posts:
lucyellensmum · 06/02/2008 17:28

sorry if my comment appeared judgy. It wasnt intended to be. I just think you let yourself slip abit with the feck off comment. But to be fair, i would have probably said the same. And then preened as i walked off.

I would be well chuffed if builders wolf whistled or commented in a positive way about me - i'm just bitter because the last time i was yelled at by a WVM - he called me a fat slag!!!

Original poster
SheikYerbouti · 06/02/2008 17:37

LEM, your post wasn;t in my "judgy post" category tbh

I do think it's not good to swear in front of young children. I do not make a hgabit of it. But I was coaught on the hop, and couldn;t think of anything else tosay at the time

However, I am glad to see there are lots of peole out there who are obnviuously perfect, and have never had a bad day

OP posts:
Hassled · 06/02/2008 17:42

Not unreasonable at all - unless your 17 month old is particlarly verbal and clued up, he's not going to have picked up on it.

And I was smug and preeny when the guy at the newsagents flirted (possibly - I'm only 75% sure) with me the other day - the fact he had been beaten with a giant ugly stick was immaterial .

Original poster
SheikYerbouti · 06/02/2008 17:46

Lol hassled

Glad I am not the only one who is sad enough to be flattered by mingers

I saw said builders again this morning and they ignored me, so it obv worked a treat.

OP posts:
sugarpear · 06/02/2008 18:00

My reply would have been

" Dont be jealous love yours are almost as big!"

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