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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really beating myself up… reversed into car. How stupid.

63 replies

L2014 · 19/01/2023 04:52

Hi all.

I’m going to start by saying that I know it’s my fault. This afternoon I reversed into someone, we were stationary and I have no clue how I did but I did… I felt awful and swapped details, of course I’d admit liability. I’m so disappointed though as the other driver got out and complained of pain so looks like will be putting in a personal injury claim although it was such low speed I really can’t believe them personally.

My problem is me, I can never handle making a mistake. I don’t know what goes on with me but I kick myself about anything and end up reliving it over and over and then hating myself for it and I then make it worse by getting frustrated that I do this to myself! I’ve never been able to help it and no matter how rational I try to think, it just comes back.

I had my 3 children in the car. I’ve just had a baby and I’ve found that with all of my children I’ve become a bit of a stranger to myself after pregnancy, I turn into a complete perfectionist and have to have everything 100%. This has previously had a really negative impact on my mental health. Anyway, this time I’ve put myself under so much pressure to have everything perfect, to not let anyone down. I’m so exhausted from the lack of sleep and I just can’t stop in the day, I don’t even eat - I literally do things for everyone else the entire day so I don’t disappoint anyone (even when nothing needs doing!). I’m worried now this is going to push me into a bit of a hole, I’ve been trying to suppress how I’ve been feeling with my current extreme tendencies for weeks now and this could just be it 😞.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for with this thread! I feel like such an idiot and I can’t talk about myself like this at home, DH would never understand.

OP posts:
LHReturns · 19/01/2023 04:57

You poor poor thing. Have you considered that this OCD like perfectionism could be a form of PSD?

saturnisturning · 19/01/2023 05:03

hey OP, can’t sleep worried about work so here I am to give my tuppence worth.

the fact they complained about pain straight away when you reversed at low speed sounds dodgy AF. Hate people like this - complete opportunists.

anyway, on to you. Think back to all the minor mistakes you’ve made before. What happened? Probably nothing or not much. Think back to minor mistakes people you know have made. Have you thought less of them? Probably not.

try to think of it along the lines of is this going to be an issue in a year or even 6 months time? Probably not.

I’ve pranged my car a couple of times and once ran into the back of an old man who’d inexplicably driven onto a busy roundabout then stopped.

it’s life and you’re not the first to have a little bump

lifeinthehills · 19/01/2023 05:06

Accidents happen. It doesn't make you a bad person or driver. Don't admit liability though. Tell them you'll let the insurance company work it out. I was always told to never admit liability for good reasons.

Plant2628 · 19/01/2023 05:21

With the risk of a PI claim, hand them over to your insurer and leave them to it. Happens to us all, do not beat yourself up. Be kind to yourself

Original poster
L2014 · 19/01/2023 05:21

LHReturns · 19/01/2023 04:57

You poor poor thing. Have you considered that this OCD like perfectionism could be a form of PSD?

it’s so strange, it’s as if pregnancy triggers temporary OCD in me. I have my postal GP check coming up next week so I’ll mention it then. It just feels so embarrassing, I’ve been so determined not to let anything dampen this time with my baby and then I go and do this.

OP posts:
LHReturns · 19/01/2023 05:23

Obsession with everything being perfect, tearing around like a crazy woman, racing heart etc is how my PND started….it was awful and your stress comes across so much in your post.

Plant2628 · 19/01/2023 05:24

And whilst they say not to admit liability, it's human nature to say it after you reverse into someone, just hand them over to the insurer and let them deal rather than getting into any discussion about it.

LHReturns · 19/01/2023 05:26

L2014 · 19/01/2023 05:21

it’s so strange, it’s as if pregnancy triggers temporary OCD in me. I have my postal GP check coming up next week so I’ll mention it then. It just feels so embarrassing, I’ve been so determined not to let anything dampen this time with my baby and then I go and do this.

Show quote history

Reversing into a stationary car is NOT a big deal or mistake. Be kind to yourself, as if you were talking to your best friend.

Pinkglittery · 19/01/2023 05:33

Poor you. I get post natal anxiety and I feel the same way, I need to be in control of everything and everyone. The last time I recognised it early and spoke to GP. I took citalopram for maybe 6 months and it really helped.
I once threw away some glasses because my DH had friends round and although they were all washed up, I didn't know who had drunk out of which glass and I couldn't cope with that. So I threw them all away. Really weird things like that.
I hope you can get some help and feel better soon but try not to beat yourself up about anything, I know that's easier said than done but I tried to remember it's probably just my hormones swirling round and it will settle down soon.

Original poster
L2014 · 19/01/2023 05:33

saturnisturning · 19/01/2023 05:03

hey OP, can’t sleep worried about work so here I am to give my tuppence worth.

the fact they complained about pain straight away when you reversed at low speed sounds dodgy AF. Hate people like this - complete opportunists.

anyway, on to you. Think back to all the minor mistakes you’ve made before. What happened? Probably nothing or not much. Think back to minor mistakes people you know have made. Have you thought less of them? Probably not.

try to think of it along the lines of is this going to be an issue in a year or even 6 months time? Probably not.

I’ve pranged my car a couple of times and once ran into the back of an old man who’d inexplicably driven onto a busy roundabout then stopped.

it’s life and you’re not the first to have a little bump

Sorry to hear you can’t sleep for worrying about work, even more annoying if you have to get up and go in the morning.

It was such low impact that there’s absolutely no damage to my car and their number plate has just popped in a bit! Cant imagine the insurance would give in to that.

This is usually my rationale but it just keeps coming back. Happens a bit usually but far worse since the baby to a point that it becomes a bit of an obsession. I’m a forgiving person with anyone else, always the one to reassure others - wish I could do it to myself though.

OP posts:
LHReturns · 19/01/2023 05:34

Pinkglittery · 19/01/2023 05:33

Poor you. I get post natal anxiety and I feel the same way, I need to be in control of everything and everyone. The last time I recognised it early and spoke to GP. I took citalopram for maybe 6 months and it really helped.
I once threw away some glasses because my DH had friends round and although they were all washed up, I didn't know who had drunk out of which glass and I couldn't cope with that. So I threw them all away. Really weird things like that.
I hope you can get some help and feel better soon but try not to beat yourself up about anything, I know that's easier said than done but I tried to remember it's probably just my hormones swirling round and it will settle down soon.

Exactly what happened to me…

TwoPointFourCatsAndDogs · 19/01/2023 05:39

Oh you poor thing, I beat myself up about the most stupid things and it’s awful, I really feel for you. Do tell your GP, this all doesn’t sound right.

Bumping the car is not a big thing. No one was hurt and accidents happen, that’s why we have insurance.

ZED55JAX0 · 19/01/2023 05:53

Hi op I get really bad post natal anxiety too and ocd overthinking etc it’s really horrible
it sounds like this is what you maybe suffering? Good news is you’re not alone aand not the first there’s medication available if needed and look into Cbt therapy this helps with changing your negative thought patterns! You don’t have to feel bad you did everything right in the process of the accident and should not overthink it x

bluecrayola · 19/01/2023 06:15

Please try to look after yourself - you need to eat and rest when you can. Your DC don't care whether anything is perfect - they just need you.

You've just had a baby, you're exhausted and your hormones will be all over the place. So long as everyone is fed and watered each day (including you!) you're doing just fine.

The car and the insurance will work itself out so try to put it out of your head. Flowers

BurtonsRevenge · 19/01/2023 06:17

How is your car ? Big damage ?

Siameasy · 19/01/2023 06:18

I was like this after I had my DD. I remember one time I thought I hit a parked vehicle I had to go back and check it in a massive panic. There was no damage anywhere but it plagued me for ages. I was a nervous wreck at that point. Lack of sleep coupled with the atom bomb effect of having a baby does that to you.
Leave it with the insurance company, they’re the experts remember. They must deal with this sort of thing like it’s their bread and butter.
Ive had a few minor scrapes in the car too. Kerbing it is a speciality now.

rwalker · 19/01/2023 06:19

They have MASSIVELY tightened up on Personal injury claims
they need full on medical proof and report
the days of instant claim for 3k for whiplash has gone
no coincidence that all the calls and adverts for personal injuries have all but stopped

Justellingthetruth · 19/01/2023 06:20

@L2014

if frustrating isn't it but happens to all of us.

as a side angle get camera for you car back and front.
cheap and easy to install from amazaon

at least that gives you evidence should it happen again

FamilyFunAdventure · 19/01/2023 06:23

I’m so exhausted from the lack of sleep and I just can’t stop in the day, I don’t even eat

if the other party reports it to the police because they are injured I would recommend not telling them this if interviewed.

Original poster
L2014 · 19/01/2023 06:24

BurtonsRevenge · 19/01/2023 06:17

How is your car ? Big damage ?

Nothing at all on my car, their number plate popped in but could be popped out again and small crack on it.

OP posts:
Whattheladybird · 19/01/2023 06:28

You are not a bad person. I well remember that feeling after my third that I would never have a minute to myself again. And then, if I did, using it to do stuff for other people because, well, it needs to be perfect.

I promise you that reversing your car into something is not the worst thing in the world.

if you’re about six weeks after your third, it’s about the worst time (or I found it was)… the novelty and adrenaline had worn off, the relentless knackeredness had kicked in. This Too Will Pass, I promise, but until the see if you can talk to your gp.

Whattheladybird · 19/01/2023 06:28

Oh, and please eat something.

Redebs · 19/01/2023 06:30

The damage is minor and the insurance company will deal with it.
But if you're feeling this flustered and stressed, it might be a good idea not to drive for a bit.
It could have been a child crossing behind you or some other horrendous situation. This small bump might just be the sign you need to take some time to get well enough to drive.
Suggest getting an appointment with GP

namechangeforthisbleep · 19/01/2023 06:31

Love, at least you didn't drive straight on into a stationary car as you're getting out the parking space like me. I have no excuse, reversing is much less silly. Give yourself a break