Really beating myself up… reversed into car. How stupid.

[L2014]

Hi all.

I’m going to start by saying that I know it’s my fault. This afternoon I reversed into someone, we were stationary and I have no clue how I did but I did… I felt awful and swapped details, of course I’d admit liability. I’m so disappointed though as the other driver got out and complained of pain so looks like will be putting in a personal injury claim although it was such low speed I really can’t believe them personally.

My problem is me, I can never handle making a mistake. I don’t know what goes on with me but I kick myself about anything and end up reliving it over and over and then hating myself for it and I then make it worse by getting frustrated that I do this to myself! I’ve never been able to help it and no matter how rational I try to think, it just comes back.

I had my 3 children in the car. I’ve just had a baby and I’ve found that with all of my children I’ve become a bit of a stranger to myself after pregnancy, I turn into a complete perfectionist and have to have everything 100%. This has previously had a really negative impact on my mental health. Anyway, this time I’ve put myself under so much pressure to have everything perfect, to not let anyone down. I’m so exhausted from the lack of sleep and I just can’t stop in the day, I don’t even eat - I literally do things for everyone else the entire day so I don’t disappoint anyone (even when nothing needs doing!). I’m worried now this is going to push me into a bit of a hole, I’ve been trying to suppress how I’ve been feeling with my current extreme tendencies for weeks now and this could just be it 😞.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for with this thread! I feel like such an idiot and I can’t talk about myself like this at home, DH would never understand.

I did something similar after dc3 was born. I beat myself up about it so much! It was probably the hormones making it worse. I cried 3 times. Once after it happened. Once when I went to collect the others from school and I told a friend and then again when I told dh. And everyone said its not a big deal. The guy who owned the car was a dick. Saying oh i bought this with inheritance from my dad, and its all i have left of him. But he said it in a strange way. It was a car that was falling apart.... not that that makes it better. But he was saying it to make me feel worse. Along comes his wife and she was so lovely. Told me to ignore him and gave me the insurance details and I gave her mine. Some people are just dicks op.

It was an accident. No one was hurt and that's what the insurance is for. Try your best to forget about it. And the insurance company will argue against personal injury. Its not easy to claim any more... I worked in car insurance.

And maybe speak to a gp as you might have PND...? Or not. It could just be the baby blues
Xx

Definitely see your GP. But in the interim try to eat - even if it’s v easy food - cereal, toast, fruit. That will help a bit Fo sure. No-one can run on empty.
We’ve all had orange and near misses, that’s life & what insurance is for - as long as nobody is hurt. It’s annoying and stress inducing - I hate ‘car’ stuff (also have anxiety), but try and be more kind to yourself.,

Accidents happen. This is why we have insurance. The good news is that no-one is hurt (really!) and your car is fine so no faffing with getting it repaired.

in terms of the PI being harder to claim..my partner recently had one resolved and paid- it went via both insurances and it was pretty straightforward as Dom rind went into the back of his cab. We had no issues claiming but we didn’t deal with the other person at all. Don’t worry, your insurance will deal with it

What I see is a person not looking after themselves and a runaway inner critic. Where's you inner parent? What would you say to a friend if they said the same to you? Whatever you imagine, say it to yourself. Then go and eat.

We all make mistakes. I wonder if your parents, or a teacher, used to make a big deal out of them?

I do not get why on earth you are bothered
You had an accident
Swap details and move on
That is why we have insurance

You had an accident. It happens to everyone. It's just one of those things. I've had a few minor dings when I've not been tired. That's why we have insurance. Contact insurance and let deal with it.

They're called bumpers for a reason

Aw OP, please don't feel too bad although I understand that's so much easier said than done. I'm similar in that I overthink mistakes I've made, but I try to rephrase my in the following ways which may or may not be helpful to you:

• It's done now, it's happened, there's nothing you can do to turn back time
• Mistakes are mistakes, that's why we don't call them "purposes". You did not do this intentional and there was nothing malicious or bad in your actions
• Everyone makes stupid mistakes sometimes! Look at how many millions of "fail" videos are online, there's nothing wrong with you, you're human and humans make mistakes.
• It could have been much worse - no one was seriously hurt, you didn't do anything illegal, nothing really bad has come as a result of your actions, you haven't got your face plastered all over the evening news for your actions
• You handled it brilliantly! Admitting fault and exchanging details are the right things to do after an accident and you did everything you needed to

I know it's so much easier to say but try and relax OP. I'm in the South West of England and trust me, you're not the only one to have had a collision in the last few days, there were over 100 collisions in 5 hours the other night due to the ice. It's not just you, you're not alone, most people have done it and there will be plenty more after you. No one's angry, you're not in trouble and you'll be much less likely to do it again 🙂

I hope I didn't sound patronising but sometimes when your mind is like this, you need to take it back to the basics. Sending hugs <3 (from someone who actually made a stupid and expensive mistake of her own last night!)

When my children were babies I lost one of their woolly hats, I felt devastated, full on depression, also car driving became challenging. But the confidence came back.

There is a lot of focus here on the accident. That's a red herring. The real issue is that you are almost certainly experiencing post natal anxiety/OCD and need to get help for it ASAP - if you can, start trying to get help today. I am passionate about this as I had post natal anxiety and I felt (at the time 10+ years ago, maybe things are better now) no one noticed. If I'd have been a weeping and depressed people would have immediately said PND, but they weren't on the look out for post natal anxiety. It completely ruined the first six months or so with my DS. Anyway - call your health visitor today and just say "I think I have post natal anxiety and I am not coping with it very well." I wish I had done this.

Take care of yourself lovely - you are doing a great job and you don't need to be so hard on yourself, but I know how difficult it is to believe that at the moment.

What are you doing today? It Can you just hunker down at home with hot drinks and TV etc and try to chill out a bit? I reckon the whole of Mumsnet gives you permission to have a day off.

I reversed my car and hit the front wheel arch on a post...well I told my husband it was a post it was actually one of those structural beams that hold up carparks. Not sure how I fucking did it.

Don't beat yourself up sounds like you have a lot going on. Xx

That's rubbish hope your all ok. I reversed into neighbours car a couple of years ago it was awful!

To make you feel better I once left the key in the engine with the lights on (by accident) discovered a dead battery the next morning!