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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really beating myself up… reversed into car. How stupid.

63 replies

L2014 · 19/01/2023 04:52

Hi all.

I’m going to start by saying that I know it’s my fault. This afternoon I reversed into someone, we were stationary and I have no clue how I did but I did… I felt awful and swapped details, of course I’d admit liability. I’m so disappointed though as the other driver got out and complained of pain so looks like will be putting in a personal injury claim although it was such low speed I really can’t believe them personally.

My problem is me, I can never handle making a mistake. I don’t know what goes on with me but I kick myself about anything and end up reliving it over and over and then hating myself for it and I then make it worse by getting frustrated that I do this to myself! I’ve never been able to help it and no matter how rational I try to think, it just comes back.

I had my 3 children in the car. I’ve just had a baby and I’ve found that with all of my children I’ve become a bit of a stranger to myself after pregnancy, I turn into a complete perfectionist and have to have everything 100%. This has previously had a really negative impact on my mental health. Anyway, this time I’ve put myself under so much pressure to have everything perfect, to not let anyone down. I’m so exhausted from the lack of sleep and I just can’t stop in the day, I don’t even eat - I literally do things for everyone else the entire day so I don’t disappoint anyone (even when nothing needs doing!). I’m worried now this is going to push me into a bit of a hole, I’ve been trying to suppress how I’ve been feeling with my current extreme tendencies for weeks now and this could just be it 😞.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for with this thread! I feel like such an idiot and I can’t talk about myself like this at home, DH would never understand.

OP posts:
Original poster
L2014 · 19/01/2023 06:32

Thanks everyone for the comments. It’s reassuring to know that others have felt the same too. I have my postnatal check coming up and will speak with my GP. x

OP posts:
bluecrayola · 19/01/2023 06:34

That's great. Now make yourself a cup of tea and some toast!

LHReturns · 19/01/2023 06:34

Wish you all the very best….I missed so much of my son’s first year because it took me too long to get help. I wish I had dealt with it immediately. Don’t suffer for long, you don’t have to.x

Delorestormborn · 19/01/2023 06:57

I reversed into a stationary bus once. A bright red double decker.
In my defence I'd just had to visit a very sick friend in hospital but still!
The driver was over the moon because in meant he had to unload all his passengers and wait for an inspection. The passengers weren't so happy.
Not my finest hour.

Delorestormborn · 19/01/2023 06:59

Sorry posted too soon. OP don't be so hard on yourself. Xx

FifiRebel · 19/01/2023 07:06

Hi big hugs, I had a big crash on the M5 in the summer. I was shaken up by the actual accident but I was also fretting about insurance and implications etc.

I have no idea if the other person claimed PI. My insurance dealt with it all and I only got involved in liaising on my car repairs. My insurance was recently up for renewal and unfortunately it has now doubled. This is with one 'fault' claim. I had 15 years NCD before this and never claimed previously. I thought I'd share in the hope that this is probably the worst case scenario for you re implications. The additional cost is frustrating but I have changed to monthly payment rather than annual premium.

Lemons1571 · 19/01/2023 07:09

Someone ran into me last year. The damage looked minor from the outside, but the impact had misaligned the internal structure of my car, so the whole car was written off.

I guess it could also be described as a pretty low speed impact. It was enough for my child in the back seat to lurch forward and then backwards, hitting his head on the back seat. Depending on the vehicles involved, you might not realise this (eg a Volvo v90 versus a Renault Clio).

It sounds minor from what you’ve said. But please don’t minimise the effect on the other driver. You don’t know them, and have no idea if they were hurt or have pre existing medical conditions.

BezMills · 19/01/2023 07:10

ach we all make mistakes.

I learned to drive very late (42 when I passed test!). I went up to Aldi car park on a Sunday morning before opening, to practise reversing into a bay. Didn't I pick the only bay in the whole car park with a bollard behind it, and reversed into the bollard. Creased the hatchback, had to get taken off, metalwork, respray, 400 quid. The look from DPs face when I told them what I'd done and they looked at the car. It's a funny story now, not at the time tho!

Jumbojade · 19/01/2023 07:12

BurtonsRevenge · 19/01/2023 06:17

How is your car ? Big damage ?

At least read the OP’s posts!

”It was such low impact that there’s absolutely no damage to my car”

Summerlark · 19/01/2023 07:14

I used to worry about little things. I appreciate this is not a race to the bottom but when I found out my teenage son had a neuroendocrine tumour in his appendix I wouldn't have given a damn about reversing into another car. This was after my husband had had cancer treatment too - unrelated cancers. They both seem to have come through treatment well but the fear never really leaves you.

rattlemehearties · 19/01/2023 07:19

I’m so exhausted from the lack of sleep and I just can’t stop in the day, I don’t even eat

Please stop driving while you feel like this. It was very lucky it was such a minor accident this time, consider it your warning that you shouldn't be driving as it's not safe. Think of your children and other drivers on the road.

Secondly, the perfectionism does sound depression/PND.

Twiglets1 · 19/01/2023 07:19

L2014 · 19/01/2023 04:52

Hi all.

I’m going to start by saying that I know it’s my fault. This afternoon I reversed into someone, we were stationary and I have no clue how I did but I did… I felt awful and swapped details, of course I’d admit liability. I’m so disappointed though as the other driver got out and complained of pain so looks like will be putting in a personal injury claim although it was such low speed I really can’t believe them personally.

My problem is me, I can never handle making a mistake. I don’t know what goes on with me but I kick myself about anything and end up reliving it over and over and then hating myself for it and I then make it worse by getting frustrated that I do this to myself! I’ve never been able to help it and no matter how rational I try to think, it just comes back.

I had my 3 children in the car. I’ve just had a baby and I’ve found that with all of my children I’ve become a bit of a stranger to myself after pregnancy, I turn into a complete perfectionist and have to have everything 100%. This has previously had a really negative impact on my mental health. Anyway, this time I’ve put myself under so much pressure to have everything perfect, to not let anyone down. I’m so exhausted from the lack of sleep and I just can’t stop in the day, I don’t even eat - I literally do things for everyone else the entire day so I don’t disappoint anyone (even when nothing needs doing!). I’m worried now this is going to push me into a bit of a hole, I’ve been trying to suppress how I’ve been feeling with my current extreme tendencies for weeks now and this could just be it 😞.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for with this thread! I feel like such an idiot and I can’t talk about myself like this at home, DH would never understand.

You made a mistake and owned it - that's all we can do when we make mistakes, which obviously we all do from time to time.

Someone reversed into my car recently and drove away - no swapping of insurance details and the end result is I have had to admit fault to get the car repaired even though I wasn't even in the car at the time, it was parked outside my house! Don't beat yourself up about it, it's honestly insignificant.

OntarioBagnet · 19/01/2023 07:19

I did the same once. No damage to either car, though he was ranting I’d damaged his bonnet, I pointed out the damage he was referring to was rusty. I took photos, gave him my details. Never heard from him.

CurlyGirlMumma · 19/01/2023 07:20

Insurance companies are a lot stricter than with PI claims now. I'd be pointing out clearly to the insurance company how slow the accident was etc.

Flowersonthewall123 · 19/01/2023 07:33

Ahhh good old anxiety, definitely mention it to your GP or see if you can self refer to a mental health team. Hopefully some counselling will help you?

I am also a perfectionist and it stems from good girl syndrome. Trying to be the perfect mother so others don’t think you aren’t coping. I relive past mistakes a lot and over think them. Don’t underestimate the hormonal changes with pregnancy and birth, bloody messes with the body!

Oblomov22 · 19/01/2023 07:39

No PN anxiety here, but I pranged my car this week, clipped an old metal width restriction post and did bad damage to my car. I was so sad. So angry with myself. I burst into tears.

Jenn500 · 19/01/2023 07:49

its normal to be upset about it, usually time helps and you’ll not be as bothered by it after a while

ArcticSkewer · 19/01/2023 07:59

Why were they in their car and stationary? Any chance they were actually just setting off as well?

I once thought I had driven into someone and couldn't work out how! It was also straight after having a baby. I accepted liability. Later, I realised they had actually been reversing at the same time but their reverse lights must have been broken. I was braking but the car was still getting nearer. Duh!

Anyway, leave it with insurers. Don't beat yourself up. It's only a car. You need some more rest.

WimpoleHat · 19/01/2023 08:06

Focus on these things:

  • Accidents happen - luckily, it wasn’t a big one.
  • That’s what insurance is for. Let the insurers get on with it.
  • At the heart of it, you’ve damaged a bit of metal. And that’s it. Nobody is hurt or injured. You’ve just bashed a piece of metal that can be repaired. (Yes, at cost. But see point above - that’s why you have insurance. It may cost you a bit of money, but that’s life. You haven’t done anyone any lasting harm.)
  • This is not something that will haunt you in the years to come. It’s irritating now, of course- and a bit costly in terms of insurance etc. But it’s not going to be a source of lasting regret. Just try to put it to the back of your mind.

I tend to stress a bit too much over things like this and I do find that just trying to be uber-rational helps get through it.

Original poster
L2014 · 19/01/2023 08:18

For those picking up on the tiredness I have mentioned. Never would I put my children or anyone else in danger because of driving whilst tired. I wouldn’t drive if I was not fit, purely just a moment of madness or something yesterday.

OP posts:
Spanielsarepainless · 19/01/2023 08:19

I was reversing between two cars so sensors were cheeping. I didn't see a lamppost dead centre behind me...there was an almighty clang as I hit it!

TeaFagsand · 19/01/2023 08:20

Try to treat yourself ad you would one of your kids. Pregnzncy messes with everything so the OCD could just be your natural response to keeping the kids safe. Talking to the gp msy help or chatting with a close confident who's been there.

Re prang: we all have them and that's why you pay your insurance premiums. Dodgy claims are meat and drink to insurance companies so stand your ground and don't worry.

Chrisp63 · 19/01/2023 08:21

Hi darling, want to wrap my arms around you and give you a massive hug. Seems to me that you are trying run before you can walk. Take the time you need to settle . Mistakes happen and no one hurt. That’s what we have insurance for. So be disciplined and s l o w down a bit give yourself a good few months till you fully back into the saddle! All including you will feel better for it! All will be well..

saturnisturning · 19/01/2023 08:24

L2014 · 19/01/2023 05:33

Sorry to hear you can’t sleep for worrying about work, even more annoying if you have to get up and go in the morning.

It was such low impact that there’s absolutely no damage to my car and their number plate has just popped in a bit! Cant imagine the insurance would give in to that.

This is usually my rationale but it just keeps coming back. Happens a bit usually but far worse since the baby to a point that it becomes a bit of an obsession. I’m a forgiving person with anyone else, always the one to reassure others - wish I could do it to myself though.

Show quote history

i think the worst part of it is that when other people say oh don’t worry or don’t let that bother you it’s impossible to take that advice.

it’s interesting that you mention having a baby. I have two kids (9 and 5) and I have noticed a marked difference since they were born. I’m a worry machine. What I have learned about myself is that my worrying is VERY much aligned with my period. I notice (like
today) that I’m pre menstrual and the worrying is off the charts. It’s the same every month.

I’ve tried sertraline but it didn’t agree with me. I think you should get to the docs and explain how you feel. Perfectionism lends itself to worrying because you can never be perfect so you’ll worry about all the inevitable slip ups and miss steps.

sending you a big hug OP. I know how you feel xx

Yeahrightthen · 19/01/2023 08:29

It sounds like possibly some kind of scam to me - you were reversing and they quickly parked behind you then claim to be injured. Anyway that’s by the by - it’s happened to me and I had massive anxiety over it too - felt really foolish/anxious etc but then I just reminded myself that this stuff happens every day and to most people - it’s very unusual to drive for 20 years and never have a prang! Take deep breaths when you’re feeling overwrought and keep reminding yourself that you’re human, we all have little accidents and the only thing that matters is that no one was hurt (ignore the scam merchant in the other car - as others have said I doubt they’ll have a leg to stand on)

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