Im leaving him what do I take?

[Bestlife]

Please help!
I'm leaving my partner, i have been planning for weeks. He going away for work next month. What should I be taking.
I have 2 children, 1 is his. I have a place set up staying with a friend.
It cant all be in 1 go, it has to slowly (think ring doorbell, cctv) so school bags, work bag etc.
Im not leaving the country but I need take things that can help us till he leaves (its my home, NO making him go isn't an option till we are gone)
thank you

Your laptop and ALL passwords, email links, change your passwords, remove old and DXs email addresses, bank details etc. Set up a clean email address tha to he has no access to.

V5 for any vehicles that are yours. All documents or at least copies of them. Mortgage statements /paperwork.
Chargers for phones/devices (go through all to turn your location services off before you leave for the last time)
Medicines
Spare empty bags to take back with you if you need to return to get more stuff

How long do you expect to be out of the house?

Bedding It will help the children to settle if they have they're own. Don't forget to redirect your mail. I would take all the food you have in as well. I did with my ex as he hardly contributed. So wasn't leaving any for him.

Good luck OP.

try and get the important paper work bits, photos, passports etc out in school bags, big handbag, under coat etc.

then use the wifi “playing up” trick for when you want to get clothes, few toys / tablets etc / big bags etc out in one go. You might only be able to use this excuse once so use it to do a big haul.

Make sure it’s definitely switched off and that it definitely disables the cctv as well.

if you’ve got any way of doing a test run? Like accidentally knocking the router off when you’re dusting or something like that and just checking?

or the alternative is if the cctv doesn’t go down, you just take bits and bobs in school bags over a few days and then the day you’re absolutely ready to go then you just fucking go for it and take everything you need (and valuables / sentimentals) in one big run, shove them in the car and stick two fingers up to the cctv!!! Good riddance to the arsehole!!!

you’ve got this!

Can you pretend to do a rubbish dump run?

Turn all the power off, power cuts happen.

Why can't you just change the locks while he is away and stay were you are if it's your house.

How far away is he op? Even if he saw you could he physically stop you loading up a car with a friend?

OP can you leave and get the locks changed the same day? That way he won't have access to mess anything up. You can stay woth friend but least he won't be able to access property

Please get legal advice - otherwise you may not ever get YOUR house back 😞

@Bestlife if its your house he goes not you, HE does, NOT You!!!!. I understand you are frightened of his reaction and that's not right. I suggest you use the PP idea of faulty WiFi and turn it off. Change the locks and his belongings go into storage. Protect yourself get that non molestation order- police, citizens advice, womens aid

Good luck and more importantly stay safe.

Please speak to woman’s aid. If your friend can look after the children, without them being too distressed then move them out. Then change the locks and stay in your home. Do not let him take this off you.

This plan makes zero sense

You said it is your home

He should be the one to leave !

Do you own or rent ?

Yep turning off wifi great idea. Could you also pretend you’re doing charity shop run with bags of clothes? Maybe say “ do you have anything to go to the charity shop I can take “ to make more believable?

If you have serious concerns about your safety then you need to speak to the police or someone like Woman’s Aid.
Pretending to bring stuff to a charity shop is bonkers.

There are some very naive people suggesting how easy it is to change the locks and get him to leave. Just stop, OP has said it is not an option. You have no idea of what the man is capable of, so trust that she is doing it the best way possible.

Bloody amazed and angry at the people saying don't leave your home. Leave it, you and the kids safety are more important. Speak to women's aid, they are great and can help you safety plan. Can you bag up some stuff and chuck it out of a window to collect without being seen by the camera maybe? Wishing you and your kids a happy life xx

@trebarwith1 Absolutely!

You need a plan B for him suddenly turning up at the wrong time or otherwise discovering your plans.

Hence why you need to speak to Women's Aid and /or the Police.

Bonkers to you, maybe.

it is exactly how I did it

This. And call the police if he tried to get in, the card and ring doorbell footage will come in handy then. You're making things more difficult by leaving when you can stay and get a k n molestation order.

Depending how far away he will be for work I would pack two car loads in the house after he leaves. Speak to the school/nursery, your Dr and health visitor. Disconnect Wi-Fi, have a friend or family member take the kids to new house and load up your car and your friends with your belongings. As you are doing this have a locksmith changing the locks and your solicitor filing papers. Timing is everything.

Wishing you the very best.

Ring doorbells also run out or of charge, take it off to charge it and forget to put it back on!

passports,
birth certificates, any legal documents

photographs, your fav clothes as he’s likely to ruin anything that is left, any baby bits you kept for memories.

Good luck op. Stay strong.