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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be revelling in playing my newly acquired 'well I work full time too' card!

105 replies

broomers · 18/01/2023 19:25

At the end of last year I went back to work full time after having done 3 days a week and 2 stints of may leave over the last year.
DH is pretty good round the house but it's more the mental load/mothers load that I'm currently offloading some of onto him!
Little things like tonight he said we need to get DS hair cut (which he hates) and thinks we should get a mobile hairdresser to the house, previously statements like this would see me take that on to arrange so I simply said yes let me know when it's booked for, his face looked so confused 😂 it's been happening like that for the last month and obviously I still do my fair share but having help out with cleaning and school drop offs etc and general life admin has been a real eye opener at how much mental capacity it takes.
Somewhat lighthearted but guess my AIBU is should I enjoy it as much as do when I get to play the I work full time too now card!

OP posts:
notbloodylikely · 20/01/2023 20:58

Ex DH would do random jobs in the house (not really the most pressing ones) and say with an annoying combination of faux surprise and mild irritation ‘Crikey, when was the extractor hood filter/ garage door/underside of shelves last dusted?’ and I’d always reply ‘Dunno, whenever you last did it’.

Scalottia · 21/01/2023 09:50

MrsSkylerWhite · 20/01/2023 20:20

Christ, no wonder the divorce rate is so high.

Why don’t many on this thread just talk to their husbands?

I can't believe it either. Why would anyone put up with it? Find better partners.

ThePoetsWife · 21/01/2023 16:55

Ruffpuff · 20/01/2023 16:56

Power to you. I don’t know how to achieve the same outcome. I now work 40hrs a week (more than dp) and he still comes in and asks me “what’s for dinner” thanks to 4 years of being spoilt while I was either a SAHM or part-time. I’m really sick of it and it’s causing massive issues in our relationship. I’m not a wet sponge of a person, I know this is unjust and I tell him. However, if I don’t order the shopping/do dinner/cleaning/think about school stuff etc. he will literally not do it. I asked him to make ds’s packed lunch once as I had revision to do for work, he refused saying I should do the lunches as he takes ds to breakfast club in the morning. I refused, told him to get a grip (I do absolutely everything else). When he came down in the morning and it wasn’t done he told me I was “neglecting my motherly duties”. I’m still livid.

Whenever I complain he says, “welcome to working life baby” in a stupid sarcastic voice- I worked 24 hrs a week for 2.5 years before this FT job, not that it seemed to be recognised as me working. It’s not the point, but we both have to work FT now as neither of us have great earnings. Honestly, I’m so sick of it.

Just stop doing things for him - don't do his laundry, cook for him etc.

What a wanker.

DinosInTheKitchen · 21/01/2023 17:44

Me and my husband both work full time, but he works shifts and has more days off blocked together which are normally midweek. When he says something like “we need to do xyz” and then doesn’t act on it, I usually then book it and arrange it for one of his days off 😂😂😂 He now takes more initiative and doesn’t leave everything for me to sort out

Delladon · 21/01/2023 20:02

To be honest, part time workers and stay at home mums also should be offloading at least some of the mental load, it just makes good sense. One person doing it all creates a single point of failure, meaning if you can't do it for some reason, everything grinds to a halt. If you are a SAHM or part time with all kids in school then yes, you then have some time to organise and plan stuff. It amazes me that mums on maternity leave or freshly back to work, or those with toddlers and preschoolers are expected to do 'everything else' whilst sleep deprived and trying to get unreasonable tiny humans to do ANYTHING you want them to. I love the stories of the mums who leave the kids with their partners for like an hour and they can't cope. 'what do you mean you didn't clean up after lunch and book 3 appointments?' 😂😂

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