Can I ask stay at home parent to do certain foods?

[Haveawordwithyourusband]

Currently trying to work through some major issues with my H and wondering what peoples thoughts are on this? Genuinely happy to be told AIBU as I’m struggling to think what’s reasonable.

I’m working ft from home and I basically lost my shit as I felt the balance of labour was unfair as I would also do evening meals, tidying up kitchen, and bedtime on my own after finishing work. This also extends to meal planning, shopping, noticing when stuff is running out etc. for context I do absolutely nothing in the mornings- he sorts kids, breakfast, packed lunch and school runs.

He has recently picked up doing the kids tea which is very welcome but I’m not happy about them always having something beige with chips or pasta and sauce. It’s a hard one as they aren’t that adventurous with food anyway but if it’s me cooking I do try to do from scratch meals a couple of times a week and plenty of variety. I don’t know whether I should push for more quality or just shut up and be pleased they are being fed. I do suspect I’d be asked for a meal plan if I made any comment.

Why don't you just offer to do their tea a couple of days a week OP, or swap a couple so he does your meal on those days. Or, you could all eat together, halve the cooking/clearing up time and your DC will get more variety as they'll be eating with you. I wouldn't comment directly on what he's giving them, but I might get things in and suggest he uses them.

Sorry if this is a massive drip feed but I clearly should have included, the children are both primary age so no kids at home apart from in school holidays.

Hang on..he doesn't work?!

Wtf! Dh wfh and I'm a sahm. I do all cooking, breakfast, lunch and dinner. I also do all food shopping and clean the kitchen.

If he doesn't work then yes, you can ask for proper home cooked meals to be done.

YANBU.

So there is a dinner for kids and a dinner for adults?!

Not usually, just he’s started doing their tea before I’ve finished work, as a result of my meltdown about things. If I cook I’ll generally try and do one meal or at least variations on the one thing if that makes sense, and eat together ideally.
he will cook for me/us as well if we pre discuss what we’re having and it’s something he’s clear on. I’ve just started a new year diet though so I’d rather sort my own at this point.

To be honest, at the end of the day, the priority is to get them fed and ready for bed. I'd leave trying new foods for the weekends when you all have time to relax and experiment.

A sahp with kids at school has plenty of time to cook and tidy up. I have nothing at all against sahps and am planning to be one while I retrain soon. But that's crap of him unless there's something else he has to do

Sahp of school age DC has time to do everything to be honest...he's taking the piss.

He's taking the piss. I read this first as you both working full time and in that situation, my view would be you ought to discuss it and maybe get him building confidence doing healthier meals/get the kids eating with you both and you both sharing cooking one meal.

If he's a SAHP to two school-age children I think he's being lazy.

Plus - there are loads of online recipes that are easy and quick and child-friendly; he could check them out if he's lacking inspiration/confidence.

Is it that he would rather they have something he knows they will eat so their bellies are full?

There's quite a lot of ambiguity in those meals though, too (something beige with chips or pasta and sauce). E.g. there's a difference between homemade chicken goujons, chips and veg vs Birds Eye chicken dippers and chips. Similarly you could make homemade pasta sauce with hidden veg etc, or it could be a jar.

If he's doing the Birds Eye/jar route, maybe some small adaptations like making homemade sauces etc could be a good transition to start with?

This, I am a sahp and quite frankly he should be doing everything including his own meal plan. When the children were little we had a 3 week meal plan. This is his job, he is there to run the house, shopping, cooking, cleaning.

Even if you have started a diet he should be able to cook or prepare you something. He has no right to ask for a meal plan from you if you are concerned about what food he is preparing for your children.

There are millions of videos on YouTube on cooking, cleaning, meal planning and cooking that he could look at to help himself. Why is it your job? You are working full time. He has, what? 5 hours at least every day when the children are at school. What does he do in that time?

Oh I can just imagine the responses on here if the SAHP was female.

I disagree with most on here.

Your DH is doing all the rest of the house work and childcare barring a handful of evening meals a week and bedtime, plus school runs, all holiday care, sickness, strike days, after school activities etc.

You’re being asked to make an evening meal a few times a week (and tidy up after yourself) and organise what you plan to cook. Plus bedtime really isn’t asking much when his role is to enable you to be wholly available to work.

I suspect if the roles were reversed here there would be an outcry.

Pick your battles. If its very important to you, yes. You might find he gradually improves it anyway. Meal planning and cooking is a skill. I don't think you can automatically impose your standards. Except by taking on the task. Requires discussion and compromise.

If the SAHP was a woman then these responses would be totally different.

Agreed.

I do suspect I’d be asked for a meal plan if I made any comment.

As so you should, you create the problem, you come with a solution. Are the kids happy and fed and put to bed? If the answer is yes and they're not the most adventurous eaters then why make life harder. Weekends can be for the more elaborate meals.

Also any adult having a "meltdown" over meals needs a firm kick in the arse OP. If you were a man writing this about DW as a SAHP then you'd have your arse handed to you for that alone.

Yet there are already a couple of SAHM on this thread saying how they do more than that.

Honestly, I don’t understand posters who have a first reaction after reading a thread, of not, ‘what advice should I give her’ but instead ‘let’s focus on a hypothetical man in this situation and how hard done by he would be’. So bloody tedious, and normally completely inaccurate.

Slow cooker recipes you can do in the morning and let them cook all day. He could prep what accompanies it then all have dinner together. Then a few times a week he does the tea. Bit of balance

What is he doing in the hours when the kids are in school?

I'm a sahm of school age DC. I don't expect my dh to make dinner. He never does. I do all cooking.

Meal plan for the beginning of the week (or whenever your food shopping day is)
We know roughly what we're having that week so whoever is able to start tea first knows what we're having

I’ve had this issue with my other half and him giving them crap like biscuits for snacks (he is part time and I’m full time). I just said please don’t feed them nuggets and fish fingers please, and suggested some easy things he could make instead (pasta, rice, noodles, boiled eggs, Spanish omelette etc) I didn’t really beat around the bush, I just said it’s bad for them and we need to do better. We never have had a big deal about it, if he could think of a good reason why I shouldn’t give them something when I do the dinner then I would listen. I don’t feel the need to meal plan for him (and wouldn’t) I just gave him some ideas (my other half if not a great cook so I think this was more the issue) but you’re not unreasonable to ask him to do something else. X

Is he run off his feet all day with the kids? If so you need to pitch in. Has he been up with them in the night, does he do DIY, house admin etc??

Basically if he is putting equal effort then it's unreasonable but if he isn't then you might need to spell it out.

Look is like your dinner arrangements could be a lot simpler though