Cosmetic surgery DOES affect others

[EmmaDilemma5]

I'm sick of reading people who defend others cosmetic surgery/procedures with;

"it's their body, they can do as they please"

"Each to their own"

"If it makes them feel happier then what's the harm?"

The harm is, that it sets a ridiculous standard that most (usually young women) can't meet naturally and therefore feel pressured to undergo changes to their body to look "good".

It's not a personal decision, because collectively, it's impacting society norms and pressures on people.

I'm not talking about those that truly help people with abnormally different features. I totally get why someone with ears that grow out at 90° may want them pinned back. Or someone with a huge nose may want to reduce it to a more "normal" size. I still hope they'd feel fine in their own skin but get why the majority of people may struggle with largely unusual features.

But I am actually angry sometimes at those that "enhance" normal looks. Lip fillers, tattoo makeup on eyebrows, lips, boob jobs. It seems to me that the majority of women who have these procedures have very normal features before having them and it's just really sad that they feel they need to undergo them to feel ok.

Lip fillers are the worst for me. It's affordable and easy to arrange. I fear my daughter will grow up thinking her lips aren't big enough (if her parents' are anything to go by anyway) because every other person seems to have massive lips and to look beautiful she'll need to pump her face with crap.

When do we say, enough is enough, we don't want the next generation living like this?!

Whilst I feel sad as mum to a girl that her generation feel the need to get these interventions so young and so frequently I think this post is correct.

I'm 40+ and remember the "heroin chic" controversy and poor Kate Moss getting the backlash for her natural build.

What saddens me also about our girls though is they ALL LOOK THE SAME. There's no individuality anymore. Plus weirdly, many could be any age between 20-35 as it's such a generic look. Also slightly bordering on sex doll.

"You wouldn't notice it and it makes me look so young." Anyone's free to change or enhance their looks but this trend is hilarious.

That looks painful

Yes, that's a very candid and realistic shot that definitely looks like many real people.

My point is that even the supposed subtle fillers, botox, etc look pretty odd. Each to their own but this obsession with so called perfection is very problematic. So many lovely natural faces out there that just don't need it!

100% this 🙏

They don't look like that. That is clearly a joke image.

And I don't think many people are obsessed with perfection. They just want to make the most of themselves. It's tiresome that you can't have minor treatments or procedures without people assuming you're "obsessed with perfection".

So many lovely natural faces out there that just don't need it!

Well, what if your natural face isn't lovely and you do need it?

It is black and white to me, as I am more than just my face.
My friends have had very expensive work done, and everyone can see it.
Raised eyebrows and a (long) visit to London, enough said.

My teens would most definitely be disappointed, they find the whole industry exploitative, run by and for the benefit of men and would cringe at the idea of me being near their friends, as it would make me look like a Donatella mother and that is not cool.

I am happy to be my age, I look great - feel healthy and quite comfortable with how I feel in my skin. Confidence in older age is powerful, a sense of authority and really being able to demonstrate other qualities.

I dunno, where do you draw the line?

are people not allowed to wear expensive or designer clothes, in case it encourages or makes other people believe that’s the standard?

i dunno to be honest, I don’t feel like it’s on anyone else to decide what other people should or shouldn’t do with their bodies. I was a teenager during the Instagram and social media craze (I’m early 20s now) and definitely noticed the pressure about things like weight, beauty, plastic surgery and all those things. But my family made sure I didn’t believe that was the beauty standard and by the time I was an adult, I was free to decide what I wanted to do. If lip fillers make someone feel more confident then why shouldn’t they get them to their body? It’s nobody else’s business. And I know people will say that it’s only because of society pressure that they feel confident in the first place but that’s not always the case, god forbid women have free choice about what they like! I like plenty of trends that are old and not cool anymore, same with my friends. It’s not always society pressure.

and I am actually planning on having cosmetic surgery soon- nothing to do with pressure from society, just something I dislike (for my own reasons) that I want fixed and since it’s my money and my body, I’m entitled to do so as an adult.

But is it society? I’ve never felt pressure from ‘society’ to get a trout pout or cats eyes or chin or bum implants. If women and girls want to be ‘strong’ then stand up and say no I’m not going down that surgical route.

At my age honestly a bit of Botox has stopped people asking me “what’s the matter” as much. I’ve also had cheek filler as I started to look gaunt. Even my mum didn’t notice and over Xmas I was at a party with old friends who were all shocked. Ended up in the bathroom having my face prodded. I doubt it’s had a toxic influence on anyone, me looking slightly less tired and pissed off.

Same here. I am 50. I have botox to soften my lines and fillers to restore some lost volume and and I am not quite ready for jowls yet. I look exactly like me 5 years ago which I am pleased about. I don’t look strange or distorted at all and think there are a lot of ignorant people on these threads. I doubt very much you are these great role models you think you are to your daughters with your toxic comments on other women!

What saddens me is that so many people spend good money to looking 🤦🏾‍♀️, and yes, plenty do look 'not good'.

Thankfully, I'm not the slightest bit inspired to have any work done at 40+ and my teenager rolls her eyes at the sight of most so is unlikely to feel pressured into buying unsightly.

That aside, what people wish to do to themselves is their business, so I distract myself and carry on.

Yabu. It's just fashion. It should be better regulated, yes. But I want to live in a free world. Where do you draw the line? Like actually, if you were in charge? Make up? Tattoos? Filters? Cleavage on screen?

Exposure to negative influence, healthy self esteem and accessibility are probably the biggest factors.

So you state both that lip fillers look ridiculous and that they can be well done. Well what is it? People struggle to understand that they only judge the bad ones as the good ones are not obvious at all.
Here are two examples of well done subtle fillers and anyone saying they are obvious and ridiculous is just flat out lying.

This is kind of absurd. While culture does influence perception of beauty, cross culturally age is one thing that is VERY related to attractiveness. Namely, the older you are, the less attractive you will be considered.

No escaping that, sorry.

And why ban beauty treatments if they are safe? Maybe have an age limit if you must, but otherwise adults can do what they like in our society and I’d like to keep it that way.

Ffs reminds me of China banning private tutoring because rich kids can ‘game the system’ and it was purportedly unfair.

Well ofc the rich still get private tutors on the sly while the middle class and poor have even less opportunity to access these services than before.

I don’t see why the beauty industry would be different. And unlike tutoring, you can go abroad every six months or so to get treatments — maybe you can get people arrested at the airport for doing this 😂😂😂😂

Also, a lot of men get these procedures done too. They definitely do not talk about it but client lists for cosmetic dermatologists in Washington DC, for example, will contain plenty of male politicians.

Look at before and afters of Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg and tell me they’ve not had work done. They ABSOLUTELY have

Yes, plenty of men in my cosmetic clinic. I don't know what they're having done but there are always some men there. My Botox practitioner is a man and he gets it done.

And like the women, they look extremely normal. Nobody has that Dolmio puppet look or fish lips look.

They're just ordinary people who don't look as tired or angry or pinched as they might otherwise.

I'm actually amazed that nobody noticed my very deep lines had gone. I expected them to. I think they just assumed I recovered mentally, or didn't notice them as much as I did. Even my husband never knew until I told him.

Sorry, guys, but you don't just get a minor low dose procedure and turn into a Kardashian Fembot any more than you do one weights session at the gym and turn into Arnie.

I don't like the authoritarian stance or bitchy crap about other peoples faces. I like making my own decisions.

This.

And posting pictures of women laughing about their faces is ironic for people who are claiming we need to be kinder about other people’s looks.

My Botoxed forehead doesn’t look odd. It looks smooth. How do smooth foreheads look odd?

Yet you still went ahead and had them done!!

OP, this is really flawed logic. All our decisions affect everyone in some way.

Contextually speaking, anything that makes other members of society feel 'less' if done by others/their peers is damaging.

Earning more money.

Being better educated.

Being married.

Travelling.

Having children.

Even being charitable.

Where do you draw the line?

The message needs to be that we are the architects of our own inner self. The outside is there, a free for all but inside you, that's sacred and unique, and that's what we need to fall back on. Easier said than done, I know.

I have 3 daughters, and the oldest is 15. She doesn't use any SM, wears no makeup even though she is suffering from horrendous acne, and has a multitude of little hobbies she does outside of school at home. Sewing, knitting, art (so much art!), reading and of course seeing her friends. She's also a feisty little character and relishes debates, pissing her younger sisters off and advocating for her community (she's gay and we're indian, whole other drama there!)

We discuss all things topical, and I've taught her to think critically and independently. She has a tight little circle of good friends that she spends time with regularly, and she is, for all intents and purposes; a normal teenager.

My point is, self worth and resilience to societal pressure are what we need to be focusing on, not policing what others do.

I want to join your smooth forehead gang! And I agree, nothing odd about a smooth looking forehead.

And you can have plenty of self confidence and self worth, have interesting hobbies AND Botox!!