To request WFH after Mat Leave ends

[Workdilemmahelp]

Hello, just want some thoughts & advice:

Before mat leave I was working in the office 5 days a week, in my final month of pregnancy I worked from home full time (was advised by HR due to working in healthcare/covid risk)

I am due to return to work in a few months and previously emailed in to see if I could WFH 3x a week, and office x2 due to nursery costs - I can only really afford to send DS twice a week. My mum is able to help look after DS on days I WFH, but cannot help full time as she also works mornings and late afternoons.

HR have said it is not fair on other staff and to work effectively I would need to be in the office more days than I WFH.

AIBU? What can I do?

Because the childless shouldn’t be preaching to those with children on how it’s done.

people need to have children in order to make sure people like the preachy pp have pensions, an NHS etc in future. It’s not something that’s the preserve of the comfortably off wealthy. Plus not all pregnancies are planned.

people need to have children in order to make sure people like the preachy pp have pensions, an NHS etc in future.

Yeah, a child born into poverty is definitely going to be net contributor to society. And who cares if they suffer as long as they can pay taxes at some point in life, am I right?

Not having a spare £800-1000 a month for childcare doesn’t equate to poverty. For a lot of families, that could reflect one of the adults full wage or close to it though.

Well exactly

but let the childfree keep on telling everyone else how they are doing it all wrong.

one thing OP you learn about being a mother is that everyone for all time coming will have an opinion on your parenting and how you’re doing it all wrong. Just ignore them.

I'm sure many have thought and factored in childcare costs. Plenty of mothers actually end up staying off work because it works out CHEAPER for them than to work.

Add in the rising cost of living and everything going up drastically at the moment and you can't blame people who are struggling with childcare costs too. Not long before those go up drastically as well since those businesses are also affected by utility increases and food price hikes.

The problem here is with the government and it's management of many things, childcare costs being a huge one - not of mothers who are trying their best to navigate a fast changing world.

Seeing women tear others down for their decisions on children and work is awful. We work to live not live to work.

Totally late to this, but these posts are so depressing for me as someone who WFH and who thinks everyone should have more flexibility in this regard because there can be so many benefits to it. Instead requests like this gives the impression that we are all skiving when we ought to be working. You should work in your work time, not be looking after your baby. you can't do both at the same time without doing a bad job at one or the other (many of us tried in lockdown). It's not a long term plan that is fair on your child and employer. And you will undermine all those people in your company who work hard from home - so the potential damage is not just to you.

Childcare costs can be planned for and saved for in advance, like any other large expense. The couple can live frugally for a couple of years, save aggressively and have costs covered before the child is conceived.

We don't expect the fellow taxpayers to provide our cars or holidays. We save for them. Same for any voluntary, large personal expense.

Exactly - unfortunately the more people that take the piss out of wfh, the less employers will want to offer it. The way for it to become more mainstream is for employees to show how well it can work on both sides, not just how well it works for them.

And the more women that claim that they can care for a small child whilst still working just as efficiently, the more employers will be put off employing women of child bearing age/young children. Women have fought for years to be taken seriously in the workplace. This is a real backward step.

Not having a spare £800-1000 a month for childcare doesn’t equate to poverty.

Don't change the goalposts.

@redskydelight exactly. It's so frustrating. It's so bad for women especially who will lose flexibility and workplace equality.

I have small children, I have WFH for years. There is no way I would ever consider a long term arrangement of having them at home.

So what you're actually asking is 9-5 in the office two days a week, plus 3 days 10-2 from home and you'll make up the other 10.5 hours randomly. That's quite a big ask for most organisations. I can see why they might have declined it. Ultimately you can ask but they can say no, which they have.
Where is the baby's father in this? Can he flex/compress his hours? DH and I both work full time over 4 days so we only have 3 days of childcare to cover a week

Aside from the other things people have pointed out, I think it would be harder than you imagine for your mum to do childcare for short periods when you're in the same house, and you work in the evenings.

Your kid won't understand why you're suddenly in another room then coming out then going back in. If your child doesn't go to sleep on schedule then you can't do extra work in the evening.

I did this kind of working pattern in lockdown, it was ok for a month or so but working while hearing kids crying and having to spend every spare moment catching up (6am-7am, 8pm-10pm then bed etc) absolutely did me in.

Yes this! totally.....sounds like a nightmare to me having to make up hours when babies are so unpredictable with sleep

Childless or not, its a no brainer not to have kids unless you can afford it. If you can't work that out then you probably shouldn't be breeding with those genes anyway. As PP said a child born into poverty is likely to be a drain on society and not a contributor; so your argument is flawed on that account as well. Above all, it's not fair to the child.

As PP said a child born into poverty is likely to be a drain on society and not a contributor

From a tax perspective, most of us are drains.

I'm not, and neither are most people I know. Although I'm still young so who knows ... if most people are drains then who's paying for stuff??

The wealthiest 10% pay something like 50% of the total tax take (approximately). Most people definitely are not net contributors in pure financial terms.

Obviously there are other contributions beyond the financial though.

Most people use public resources most at the beginning (birth, education etc.) and end (health and social care, pensions) of their lives. The 'benefit' that costs the country the most is pensions, not working age benefits.

The highest earners. It's hard to calculate exactly what the threshold is to be a net contributor (it much depends on how much you use as well) but all the evidence I see puts it at comfortably over £50k...and even then, there subsidised by the super high earners.

They're. Fucking autocorrect.

It sux that childcare has to be this expensive that it is now more than a mortgage. This is a really common situation now with people selling their house to move back into a one bedroom apartment just to afford daycare. Your two choices are to find another job or try work with your company on another solution. You can downsize if you can such as selling your house or car if you have payments. You can ask your husband if you have one for help and see if he can change his hours. My wife goes back to work in a week so we hired a Nanny for 6 hours each day and the other 2 hours we are just going to adjust our work hours to cover the rest of the time. Our work both approved us to work from home till summer so we can supervise her as we don't feel comfortable having a stranger in our house by herself. You can get a part time job to cover the cost of daycare or apply for financial help through your state government. You can email your local community college to see if any students want a job especially if they are studying early childhood development (Pay them minimum wage). Alot of people on here are way to harsh and need to have some empathy. A lot of people watch netflix or play video games while working from home.

I agree with your work. You chose to have a baby and need to factor in childcare costs. You won’t be able to do your job properly with a baby!

The days of one parent staying at home and affording a house are long gone. People in poverty have easier access to childcare vs the middle class. In order for the middle class to afford childcare they have to have a combine income of 150K per year to live comfortable. Child care in my area is 2K per month for one. Add another child that is 4K and if you are lucky they might give you 10% discount for the 2nd child. I have friends that had to sell their house and downsize to a one bedroom just to make it work. I hate the mind site "if you can't afford it done have kids" attitude. 60% of people live paycheck to paycheck. So your saying almost half the people in America should not have kids because of money.

In order for the middle class to afford childcare they have to have a combine income of 150K per year to live comfortable. Child care in my area is 2K per month for one.

Where do you live, and what sort of childcare is this? How do you define comfortable? I am pretty sure many, many families have 2 children in childcare and earn way less than 150K.

That said I do know lots of people who have spaced their children apart so as not to need to have 2 in childcare. These are people on a lot less than 150K (I'm talking about peers in the same work place so I have an idea of what salaries are, I don't discuss money with people in general).

I 100% left a gap so that we aren’t paying 2x childcare, as we wouldn’t be able to comfortably afford two lots, on a lot less than £150K mind 😂 mind blowing money that!