To request WFH after Mat Leave ends

[Workdilemmahelp]

Hello, just want some thoughts & advice:

Before mat leave I was working in the office 5 days a week, in my final month of pregnancy I worked from home full time (was advised by HR due to working in healthcare/covid risk)

I am due to return to work in a few months and previously emailed in to see if I could WFH 3x a week, and office x2 due to nursery costs - I can only really afford to send DS twice a week. My mum is able to help look after DS on days I WFH, but cannot help full time as she also works mornings and late afternoons.

HR have said it is not fair on other staff and to work effectively I would need to be in the office more days than I WFH.

AIBU? What can I do?

Sounds like they'll be up for grabs soon!

No. This is the reason why my workplace, which brought in wfh during the pandemic and retained it to a degree afterwards, eventually vetoed it. Because one woman like you was taking the piss re childcare, everyone else was picking up the work slack, and then we all lost out. I'm still cross about it.

I love how you just know that within two posts, it’ll be revealed that the person posting defending the WFH full time with a baby model is actually working 2 hours a day.

Same. We currently have a male taking the piss with 2 under 2 and it's going to ruin it for all of us too.

I agree with your boss. I would never sign this off either. It would be horribly unfair to everyone else in the team.

How do you think if you're looking after kids? My job is brainwork too, so I'm often not actually actively "doing" anything. But my brain is consumed with thinking which means I can't actually do anything else. There is no way I could do it whilst looking after children (unless they were older and sitting watching TV or something).
Sounds like a fab job, what is it exactly? Maybe I can do what you do. Sounds perfect wogh kids 🙂

I have lots of colleagues who think they do have one of these jobs. And as management is weak and they are scared of people leaving, no one says anything. It just means more conscientious people are left to pick up the slack or things just get left undone which makes everyone's lives harder.

I think that's why OP has got a lot of cynical responses on this thread - maybe you do have a job that it's ok for you to only actually work half the time or there isn't enough work to fill the hours . I suspect a large proportion of those saying that an arrangement like the above poster's works well and everyone is fine with it just mean nobody has pulled them up on it for whatever reason.

How do you think if you're looking after kids? My job is brainwork too, so I'm often not actually actively "doing" anything. But my brain is consumed with thinking which means I can't actually do anything else.

It's the thinking/concentrating part that other sometimes don't understand why I find it challenging when my son is around even though he's 13.
Of course he can take care of himself, and he knows not to be constantly interrupting me, but all it takes is for him to pop in the garden office and ask e.g. if he can go and see a mate, or can so and so come over to break my chain of thought.

Everyone I know similar roles has a similar work load. I don't want to out myself too much but we both work with AI. And our employers are both extremely happy with our work performance. Maybe we are the exceptions but wfh can work well with a family depending on the sort of role you do.

What can you do? Get a new job with hybrid working for more flex - so that you're in 2 /3 days a week and get some proper childcare sorted.
Or go PT?
Or get a job where it doesn't matter when you work, only if the work is done. I have one of those - 35 hours a week but I'm trusted to get the work done, so if I go to a school assembly I make the time up etc

I have had to discipline two people recently for this on my team.

They were never where they were supposed to be or doing what they were supposed to be doing.

It is not acceptable to work from home with children under 10 (on the odd day) in my opinion. From that age they can pretty much sort themselves with some light adult supervision.

It would be too difficult to effectively wfh with a baby, but have you worked out all of your options

Dependent on your earnings, it could cost less to drop hours at work than pay for a nursery.

Do you earn enough to pay Tax & NIC? If you’re way above the thresholds (£1048pm) then any hours dropped would only be 68% from your net pay

E.g. if you earn £15 an hour and drop 7 hours that's £105 gross, but £71.40 net -potentially even less dependent on your pension and if you have a student loan

Also check if dropping hours and pay would impact any benefits you’re eligible to claim.

You could then potentially work less hours on the days you're struggling for childcare

Alternatively, on the days you are using a nursery - what hours do they cover? Most seem to be a daily cost - so could you work an extra hour or two on those days and less on the days you WFH

The email seems to suggest they’d prefer more days in office than home so a 3/2 split in their favour would likely be accepted - especially if you’re working longer days whilst there

I’m working out my best situation with similar at the moment as cannot find a nursery with full time spots - it’s really tough to work out the correct balance of office and wfh

OP, During Covid I had no choice but work from home with my baby. It's not easy! It's hard! Very Very Very hard! As soon as nurseries opened we sorted out childcare.

I have noted you said you can only afford 2 days of childcare, is that just nursery? What about childminders? Maybe going down to part time?

I don't disagree with this but it definitely depends on the age.
I could probably effectively work from home with a 10 year old around.
With my 3 year old - absolutely not!

Maybe we are the exceptions but wfh can work well with a family depending on the sort of role you do.

As long as the role is one of the highly unusual ones only ever seen on MN, where you can get paid a fortune for only doing actual work for an hour a day (with the rest being nebulous “thinking” that can be done whilst looking after infants). Benefits of such a role include a boss who is always delighted with you, colleagues who never have to pick up your slack, and a wide-eyed confusion that the rest of the working world isn’t exactly the same, and entirely facilitative of wfh with a baby.

I’m not getting at you specifically but there is someone like this on every thread, always in some form of tech role, and I just don’t buy it.

Would you take your child to work with you in the office and be able to do your job whilst looking after them?

No. That's what you're asking for just in your own home. You're being paid to work, not look after your own child.

Well said.

Yep, my husband WFH 3/5, let's us manage nursery drop off and collection, let's him walk the dog and throw on a wash or he'll finish 15 mins early and throw dinner in the oven then make the iem up when I get in at 6, 15 mins to half an hour here and there fair enough, 3.5 hours a day is a bit different.

Also his work policy is not to be in charge of pre school aged children at any point. Our almost 5 year old 1 day a week my mil has him and if she's late arriving he'll log on and do calls whils our son has some screen time next to him but again that's 15 mins half an hour with a reasonably self sufficient school aged child and even then he feels iffy about it but traffic sometimes means it's necessary.

These are things where WFH makes life much more doable than both in an office.

Yep COVID meant WFH 1 day a week managing my admin load while in charge of my son who was 2 at the time. Hell on earth, may it never be repeated!

@fitzwilliamdarcy

If you are implying they are too good to be true there are definite flip sides to these kinds of jobs. The people I know in such roles have spent most of their 20s in education getting PhDs and some years after that getting more experience, before getting reliable work.

That said I don’t think anyone can work full time from home while being sole carer for baby.

The issue is though that HR have said the OP needs to be in the office more days than she WFH so she needs to do 3 days in the office at least. If that’s the policy that’s that.

Did you really tell HR that your DC would be at home because you want to avoid nursery fees? That was a bit silly and I can imagine why they’re not happy with that. I work fully remotely and there’s no way I could have done it before my DC were all school age. Bad enough my slacker colleague using having to deal with her dogs as an excuse not to do her work, let alone a toddler!

You say your colleague works 9-2.30 OP and makes up her hours later but is she in the office 3+ days a week during those hours then?

You need to either suck it up or look for a new job fully wfh (the numbers of which are declining) and make sure you’re covered for childcare. This is not your employers problem.

What does your contract say your place of work is? If it’s the office. Then there’s nothing you can do. You’ve requested it and they’ve said no

Well offer to do the same as her? 9.30-2.30 every day and the rest at home?