To request WFH after Mat Leave ends

[Workdilemmahelp]

Hello, just want some thoughts & advice:

Before mat leave I was working in the office 5 days a week, in my final month of pregnancy I worked from home full time (was advised by HR due to working in healthcare/covid risk)

I am due to return to work in a few months and previously emailed in to see if I could WFH 3x a week, and office x2 due to nursery costs - I can only really afford to send DS twice a week. My mum is able to help look after DS on days I WFH, but cannot help full time as she also works mornings and late afternoons.

HR have said it is not fair on other staff and to work effectively I would need to be in the office more days than I WFH.

AIBU? What can I do?

She got away with it for a while ... it ruined her reputation ... we work in a small industry so she's done herself no favours ...

No, but if word's got around and she finds it difficult to secure another job in the same industry, I can practically guarantee it'll be everyone else's fault

For all we know she may even be on here, as one of those who complain that all managers are dinosaurs who "have it in" for working parents and don't understand that they'd be much more motivated if they were "just given a little more"

@LindorDoubleChoc

It needs to be further subsidised by the government as other developed social democracies do, and as we do with healthcare and schools.

@willithappen
Exactly, if everyone was expected to have enough to pay 3 years childcare in the bank (30k?) before planning to have kids we would have a massive population crisis. Having children shouldn't be a luxury lifestyle choice - children are necessary to pay for us in our old age through taxes.

Sorry OP I totally understand your predicament, but WFH is not supposed to be used for childcare (unless you’re self employed when you can do what you like). It’s just not possible to give your full attention to a child and your work at the same time and I think you know that.

My advice is to do the maths and consider reducing your hours on a temporary basis (a year at a time) and work hours/days that suit you.

If you can’t countenance reducing your hours then you will need to accept the compromise offered by your manager - come into the office more days than you WFH (3 days in the office 2 days at home), but you will be watched like a hawk by your manager and colleagues (at least until you can prove your work has not suffered due to this arrangement).

Worst case scenario is for your employer to refuse WFH full stop, so you’ll be forced to reduce your hours. Do the maths now so you know what your red line is in order to make a compromise.

I think you’ll find this difficult - it’s not easy balancing work and childcare at the best of times x

Go via HR and label as a ‘flexible working request’. You are well within your rights to ask although they can come back with reasons not, but they can’t be discriminatory. I’d highlight that there is a precedent for WFH, reiterate you do have childcare for these days but travel time would make it hard for you to collect child, and highlight the flexibility they have shown your colleague. Pregnant then Screwed has a good helpline if you would like advice. Ignore all the ppl who don’t get it!

@emotum I happen to agree

Also - assuming you have a partner, could they not consolidate their hours and WFH one of the days your mum is with your child, then you can do 3x days in office as they wish?

Yes. I wish childcare was further subsidised somehow. But it isn't at the moment in the UK and it is not "ridiculously expensive" when you consider what child carers actually earn. Employers can't be expected to pick up the tab of paying their employees plus their child care. If a baby isn't planned why do you think employers should cover the cost of the unplanned baby childcare?

...or just maybe that they are on to you and you don't know it. I knew someone that was taking the piss at work and they didn't realise they were being surveilled. The employers made out that everything was great and were happy wth output and it was a sting all along. All he empoyer had to do was gather enough evdience over a period of time for dismissal.

Probbaly, you will get found out and then that is when you will be sorry. Mark my words, people that do things like this do get found out. Knock on consequences can also be severe.

OP is trying live the dream. Getting paid and not doing the job or the commute and no child care fees. Good luck I say. 😂

Everyone knows this goes on its frustrating as hell. We had a colleague get found out for this and jumped before she was fired. Really embarrassing for her.

Me too. As an (underpaid) public sector worker where the nature of the job means I can never WFH, this has really annoyed me. I've always tried to convince myself that those who WFH work just as hard as those who work outside of the home (and by and large I'm sure the vast majority do) but posts like the OP's and MintCho's make me wonder. People like that always mean it'll be harder for others to have WFH requests agreed as it will add to the widely held belief that WFH is a cop out.

You cannot wfh full time with a baby. Not fair on your child, your employer, your colleagues.

Is this a serious post? Or lazy journo traffic?

Wow, what a gigantic piss take. YABVU!

All I see is the years of women having to work doubly hard to prove they were as good as men after they had children.

Then I read some of the posts on this thread and just despair. We will be back to women with children not being taken seriously in the work place again - and with good reason. You can't work full time and look after a baby without one suffering. If your job is task based and/or it doesn't matter when you do it, you might be able to manage - but you need a better plan to demonstrate you can do it than just 4 hours childcare in the middle of the day (ironically across the time when the baby will be asleep for at least some of the time anyway ...).

Noones listening OP to your wfh days having your DM child mind...🙄

Honestly, I thought civid would have woken employers up to wfh. What a shame it hasn't.

I've been lucky and had employers that trusted people to wfh, so I used to do that maybe 3 days a week...

Try what they ask for and then start to wfh a little, OP. If your DM can still cover childcare, that should help keep nursery costs down.

Good luck.

After reading this thread, I think I have solved the issue of childcare in the UK being unaffordable for so many.

Simply cut childcare costs by half (making them affordable for parents) and require childcarers to take on a second "work from childcare setting" job during the same hours to make up their salaries to the normal amount (or, hopefully even more).

if WFH while looking after a baby is so easy, parents will be jumping at the lower costs, and be perfectly happy that the standard of care for their child won't have dropped.
And, it's so easy to wfh while looking after children, so the childcarers won't mind doing two jobs either.

Problem solved.

@redskydelight Brilliant idea!
We can also solve the teacher retention / recruitment crisis by telling parents to home educate as apparently that can be done whilst simultaneously WFH and caring for a baby a la MintCho!

If your way of explaining this arrangement to your work sounds as bad as the way you've explained it here then zero surprise they said no !!

You are asking for two things

1. Working from home
2. Flexible working request which is what you need to make if you want to work different hours from your contract

There are zillions of guides about applying for both these things on the internet. Read about the reasons companies can and can't turn them down and make a better case.

I agree you need to spell out exactly when you are working to get their confidence. Saying you'll work around whenever your mum is available isn't good enough. You need to say I will work from then to then, be off from then to then, be on from then to then and finish from then to then to cover your hours.

If you can't do this, your work is right that it isn't going to work out. You need to be able to put work first when you are working.

@Dibbydoos

I think quite a few employers have been forced to be flexible, especially also with stagnant pay and cost of living crisis. If people are forced into offices with high workload/ responsibility jobs and earning not that much more than minimum wage, then why not just go work for the local supermarket, or work minimal hours and save on childcare.

Not sure why you are being given such a hard time OP but then this is Mumsnet 🙄 It’s perfectly understandable why you want to WFH for 3 days and a very known employer we all know allows full flexibility for working parents. The problem is that women have fought for and been told they can ‘have it all’ when in reality they can’t. It’s women who for the most part are the main care givers and have to give up what they worked for either career or missing out on their children’s early years. Ask your employer officially for a flexible working arrangement, they have to give valid reasons and if it’s a no you can appeal. Good luck 😊

She's being given a hard time because what she's proposing is taking the piss. If you can't see that, then I can only presume you have a similarly cavalier attitude towards your own work.

Have you asked for this working pattern? Your op says you asked to wfh. That’s not the same. Especially without proper childcare

God so many judgemental people on here?! I work from home and have done since covid - so does partner, we are able are able to split the childcare between us of my youngest and then work when the other has them. - my work are aware of this and happily allowed it - everyone else bar maybe 2 are in the same position in my time, and are frequently popping out to drop the kids off at school/collect etc and then make up the time later in the evening when kids are in bed etc. it's not even a secret or being done dishonestly we have actively been told we can do this to help us have a better work life balance and to help us reduce childcare costs in the current economic climate. Obviously I'm in a very privileged position, but to state that this can't happen/ it's not allowed or it's gross misconduct isn't correct, because clearly some companies will be allowing this

@WearYourTiara not irrelevant as I'm simply stating that not all companies are approaching the same attitude when it comes to people WFH and having children in the house to care for.