Lying on a dating profile.

[TheCatIsOnMyFoot]

So I've read a few threads recently about how people have lied about there on line dating profiles. It's got me thinking, one of the most recent threads was about a guy who lied about having a child. The overall consensus was that he was wrong and lied. I agree.

Therefore, would i be unreasonable not to tell a date/someone ive dated for 6 months that I have a significant disability (mentioned in the equalities act) that they might not currently see, but could mean in a years time could mean I can not see/hear/walk/swallow.

What do you think?

Sorry for all the grammar mistakes.

Yes, that would be massively unreasonable.
I'm a matter of months they could potentially go from 'boyfriend/girlfriend' to 'carer'.
They have the right to a choice on if they wish to continue with the relationship.

Thanks. But what if that disability might not happen? What if the disability did happen and the disabled person was okay if the other person walked away ?

I think on your profile you could say something like "looking for a short term relationship as I have health conditions that don't trouble me greatly now but mean I like to live in the moment" then go into more details on an early date.

Sorry if I have not accurately written about how you feel but I was just trying to give an example of how you could address it honestly but without giving away personal information that could attract negative and hurtful responses.

that would be extremely unreasonable to hide yes

OP, it isn't about whether you are happy for them to walk away. By then they may be emotionally attached, and it isn't fair to put them in that position.

Tell them upfront.

The man in the current thread's lie was an issue because the OP had specifically said no children on her profile. This alone was reason to bin off.

What do you want/are offering in your relationship? What does the other person want? If it's still casual after 6 months, then crack on. If either you or they have different intentions, then I think you should tell them.

Agree with this

I think around 6 months is UR.
I don't think mentioning it on any profiles is necessary- the first few dates are about finding out if you even want to see each other again/getting to know each other. By the time you have committed to someone, I think they should know.

The referenced thread was different because the OP had specifically said in their profile that she wasn't interested in people with children, and yet the guy just ignored that and didn't mention it.

I had a similar predicament when dating. I didn’t want to tell total strangers about my health issues but made sure to do so by around date 3/4. I wanted anyone who would be put off to have the chance to leave, it would be a waste of both our time otherwise. I was fortunate that nobody did, and I had a clear conscience for telling them.

Yes I get that the OP was massively lied to in the guys profile. Which is completely wrong.

But you aren't asked on dating websites about other areas.

For example, you aren't asked about depression or anxiety. Should they be disclosed on a profile ? If not, why not.

Why does my potential physical health need to be disclosed more than someone who has depression ? It's potentially more likely that depression will impact a relationship than my disabilitity.

could mean in a years time could mean I can not see/hear/walk/swallow

Forgive the bluntness, is it definitely going to happen but you don't know when?

I don't want a short term relationship.

It's Multiple Sclerosis ~ so who knows. Currently I'm working full time. No massive impact on my life. Potential had it for 18 years though it can't be pinpointed.

I don't think anything health wise needs to be discussed on profiles etc. I do think it would need to be discussed face to face is the relationship is becoming more than a casual relationship.

I assumed you were talking about MND or something similar. I’m on the fence with MS. Generally life expectancy isn’t drastically cut with it, the symptoms you listed are the ‘worst case’scenario, sorry I honestly don’t know how to put that better. Basically I mean it’s a managed condition and I can see why you might have wanted to withhold your diagnosis until you feel ready to share it.

Sorry. My general point was that you could allude to your health and future possibilities without going into detail.

That's the thing though. Who knows what will happen. Less serious, pretty much nothing. Serious, no speech, mobility, bodily function.

End of the day. The 'serious' could happen to anyone is a serious car accident tomorrow.

I think it's unreasonable for a few reasons...

Obviously private medical information shouldn't be put on a dating profile, that would be ridiculous. I think it should be brought up early in to the dating process though. Certainly before 6 months imo. I'd expect it to be mentioned even if not discussed at length by the the 5th date or so, enough to trust them and decide its worth telling them but not at the point where we were so involved it may be very hard to find out or change how they feel. Any later feels like a rug pull.

I would be hesitant to build plans for a secure financial future with somebody who may be unable to work at some point. As shallow as this sounds I would want to be able to consider it.

I would want to do my own research into the condition before I could decide if I could commit or become more emotionally involved as I am nota naturally caring or nurturing person and I don't know if I'd want to end up a carer.

If the condition could be passed on to potential children (assuming nothing parties want that and it's an option) then it would be highly irresponsible to proceed without letting them make the judgement on that.

I'd want to find out before walking away
would break my heart. Telling somebody only after they have fallen in love is bordering on emotional manipulation, it could make it very hard for somebody to leave. It would feel deceitful to me. I wouldn't leave my partner if they became disabled but hiding it would be wrong. It removes the choice and their ability to read the information and consent to the risk.

If its just a casual fling I wouldn't bother saying a word. If it staryed as just that but became more serious you should hopefully know when it's time to say something.

What? You've been dating SIX months and not told him this massive piece of information. Have you actually done this?Yes you're being very unreasonable and this level of deception would be a bigger red flag than your condition. I'd dump you.
Whilst I can imagine several reasons why you would want to do this, this is yours to bare and its just wrong to trick someone. Does he love you? Do you plan on telling him anytime soon? I just can't getvmy head round how you could possibly think this is acceptable.

This!

I agree, if we had to 'disclose' everything on our profiles they would be soooooo long. I'd also expect conditions such as depression to come up early on.

I met my fiance through online dating 5 years ago, I also have MS. I did not put this in my dating profile at the time however when I got talking to fiance told him very early on before we met in person so that he had the choice, I told him it may not ever affect me physically badly but the pssibility is always there. Turns out 2 years into our relationship i had a massive relapse and could not walk for 3 months, he was my rock. We are now 6 months pregnant and i love him more everyday. Rip the plaster early is my advice

Massively unreasonable to hide. You say they could just walk away but that’s not as easy when you’re in love with someone. You owe it to them to inform them of something so significant

Is your diagnosis fairly recent op?

It sounds like you may still, understandably, be coming to terms with this condition and it’s effects on you and in the future.

I was diagnosed with a similar serious condition, it took me at least a year to accept it, (and by accepting I mean just not breaking down with the fear and unfairness of it all - every moment of every day!) but even then, not totally, I have had many years of good times and bad times coping and not coping with the emotional effects, the fears, the what if’s, and letting go of all your dreams you had up until then about what your life and future could be. As I am sure you will know you have to go through a grieving process.

I agree about speaking honestly to them when you feel that you and your dating partner are getting to be in a more emotional and committed direction, but only so much so that you know that you both aren’t just looking for a casual fling. So that they have a choice, but feelings aren’t too far gone, and so he’s not tricked or manipulated, and then in a position of feeling too attached or guilty to walk away.

There’s no need to say to casual shorter term flings at this moment in time.

I was already in a relationship 12 years by the time I was diagnosed, and even still, over and over again I kept offering my partner a guilt free “out” so he could truly think about wether he wanted to choose to share the burdens and care of all the tough things that come with it. Let me clarify that and say that I mean the situation and the problems are the burden part. Not you, nor anyone else with a serious life limiting illness who didn’t ask for or deserve this. The upside is at this point almost ten years later from diagnosis, is that I am no where near as bad at this point in time than I thought I would be, I am losing more of myself each year, but still hanging on and making the absolute most of my time and relationships.

I hope that you tell your bf now that you have had your eyes open to his feelings and choices in all of this, at 6 months it’s not fair. I do however understand the emotional inner turmoil and perhaps burying your head in the sand to avoid dealing with it. That’s not to say it’s right though. Good luck, and I hope you find someone who will love, accept and take on you in the totality you and of your condition.