Lying on a dating profile.

[TheCatIsOnMyFoot]

So I've read a few threads recently about how people have lied about there on line dating profiles. It's got me thinking, one of the most recent threads was about a guy who lied about having a child. The overall consensus was that he was wrong and lied. I agree.

Therefore, would i be unreasonable not to tell a date/someone ive dated for 6 months that I have a significant disability (mentioned in the equalities act) that they might not currently see, but could mean in a years time could mean I can not see/hear/walk/swallow.

What do you think?

Yabu.
I agree, not on profile but disclosed early.
I went on a date with someone who it transpired had a serious and progressive condition that would kill him in the next 10 years. He should have told me before the date. I was clear that marriage and kids is what I wanted. He was a lovely guy, but not a suitable match for me.

My DP has a disability. He told me on the first date. It didn't freak me out.

I've dated other guys with different disabilities. Some of them would have had a major impact on my lifestyle later on as I know other people with the disability, and so after one/two dates I took it no further.

I think you know fine well that you've been unreasonable.

This isn't about lying on a dating profile, it's about lying to someone you're dating. Did you expect people on here would defend you?

I think there are number of significant potential factors that you need to make the people you are dating aware of fairly quickly - ie within a few months or so. Otherwise, you are either going to find yourself lying, being deliberately evasive to avoid the topic coming up, or letting someone get emotionally involved with you when you know something could well be a deal breaker.

My personal list of things I want to know would sooner rather than later is: known infertility, the existence of a child, been married before, have a chronic or terminal illness, carry a gene for a significant health condition, have been in prison or have a criminal record, have been accused of any sexual offences.

Not all are deal breakers - particularly health issues, being divorced or already having children - but I’d want to be able to a least consider the impact on our future relationship. Hiding any of these things would make me wonder what else they’d lie about so I wouldn’t trust them if I suddenly found out any of these things six months in.

have been accused of any sexual offences

So it's the accusation that's important to you? How come?

This you must disclose

I don’t see any dishonesty in the OP?

It’s explained that a thread about dating profiles got her thinking. She was then wondering if it would be unreasonable to wait 6mths before discussing her diagnosis.

OP since confirmed and clarified this is a hypothetical situation.

Perhaps you could be a little less defensive. You have misunderstood the intention of the post.

I know this is AIBU, but there is no need to throw accusations around when someone is seeking perspectives about how to approach a very personal matter.

Don't be obtuse. Given the tiny tiny percentage of rapes and sexual offenses which end up with a conviction, it's smart to treat any accusation/investigation as a huge red flag.

The number of men who commited the act but were not convincted due to lack of evidence/the victim not reporting is significantly larger than the number of men who were falsely accused.

Thank you. I wasn't being dishonest. This poster explained my reasoning perfectly.

Look up Ian Huntley, the Soham murders and the Bichard inquiry. Accusations alone can be important.

Thanks. But what if that disability might not happen? What if the disability did happen and the disabled person was okay if the other person walked away ?

As you say, your MS might never get to the point where you're severely disabled - but if you don't want a short-term relationship, you need to be upfront with people about the condition and explain that there's a chance it could have a bigger impact on your life one day, even though it's only a possibility and not a certainty.

If someone says on your first date 'Sorry, I don't want to risk dating someone who might one day need me to be their carer' when you tell them you have MS, then you've lost nothing except an evening of your time. But if you were to get that same reaction from someone upon telling them you have MS after you'd been together for months and were planning a future with them, you've lost the love of your life.

Generally speaking, it's better to be upfront about the big stuff from the start if you're looking for something long-term - which you say you are. And this is in the 'big stuff' category.

I would dump you immediately if you waited six months to tell me this.