DH’s family have always been quite cold towards me. I won’t go in to lots of detail, but in essence, in the whole 25 years of knowing them, i’ve never really felt accepted as part of the family. This hurts me greatly.
This year, lots of people in DH’s family have ‘big’ birthdays. Normally, there is a big whip round to buy a special/joint gift on these ‘big’ occasions, and DH and I always contribute generously to these.
I was the first of the big birthdays this year, and a week on, I have received a card from one member of the family, a small, but thoughtful gift from another, and messages (from some family members) on the family chat group. I honestly didn’t think much of the absence of the cards/gifts, as I still had a lovely time. Today, however, I am being sent pictures of all the thoughtful gifts / flowers, etc that have been sent from each of my ILs to the next big birthday person (who also married into the family), with gushing thanks from them about how blessed they are and how loved they feel.
AIBU to feel hurt? It’s honestly not the lack of gifts, so much as the lack of thought. Perhaps I’m being hypersensitive, but I feel like it’s a reflection of how they feel about me… nothing! (or maybe worse?)
We have a big birthday pretty much every couple of months this year in DH’s family - the next one being the equivalent of mine. I’m expecting to be invited into a collective fund for this one, which of course I will contribute to, and of course, I won’t mention the absence of mine, but honestly, how can I move past how hurtful this is? I don’t want to be eaten up with it. Any lived advice gratefully received!
FWIW, I have a wonderful DH and three wonderful children. I do know that I am blessed in other (more important) ways.