I've destroyed everything

[23butterflies]

I've been with my partner for 2 years and for the past few months there's been a few problems. Whenever something happens and we argue he leaves and goes to stay at his daughters,then comes back .
At the weekend we were out and his friends were saying things to me, I didn't tell my partner, instead left and stupidly took some tablets, I felt so low but I didn't want to die. I went to hospital,had bloods checked and was ok .
My partner has said its over ,he's moving out and I've just completely destroyed everything. I feel more depressed now but he's adamant that this is it . And now I'm worried about social services as I've got children and they said at hospital they would be informed I've just messed up my life so bad haven't I?

Can I say gently that you really haven't lost everything yet.
Very far from it.
There is a risk that you might unless you contact your GP today and mental health team.

Losing one man from your life, that made you feel awful and insecure and had bullying friend is not everything.

You have your life
Your home, your bed
Your children most importantly
You as a person

That is everything, and that is all still there, perfectly in tact. With some help, support and care you can get back on track. Not all is lost. You can pull yourself into a good place from here, and you will look back and see this differently trust me.

My kids have been with their dad. I'm a stay at home mum and my kids are my world, if it hasn't come across that way I didn't mean it to. I just wanted romantic love and I'm sad it hasn't worked out.

Longterm I'm sure you wouldn't be happy with this chap - even if he were able to help you feel secure, something isn't right. You're already having problems and his friends either aren't nice or aren't very tactful.

Moving forward, are the DC your priority. If so, and you hear from SS, explain you weren't happy in the relationship, it has all come to a head and you've split. You could be honest and say obviously the split isn't easy, but you're all about moving forward and the DC is your priority. Look after the DC as well as you can, keep them clean, fed and loved, school on time, fairly clean house and I doubt SS will be that concerned.

But you were willing to leave your kids without a mother out of desperation for a man who doesnt even treat you well?

You need a major wakeup call.

Imagine the emotional trauma of finding out your mother almost died and leaving with the fear that she might succeed next time...

You need to stay away from this man

This. You need to focus on your kids.

He doesn't sound like a nice person OP. There is usually a reason people feel insecure in a relationship. It sounds to me like he wound you up on purpose for the sake of his own ego. Forget him and work with social services to get help and focus on getting better for your kids.

This is disturbing, have you sought any help for therapy yet?

cooperate with social services and urgently prioritise your kids. Are you independently wealthy, or do you need to look in to gaining employment? It could be a better focus than some shitty boyfriend and would bring in an income and boost your self worth.
All your replies are talking about the boyfriend and he’s utterly irrelevant.

Alot of people are focusing on the boyfriend and we don’t even know if he’s done anything wrong. Maybe the OPs behaviour was too much to deal with.

OP you are worth so much more than romantic love, get all the help you can for your mental health, and sounds cheesey but learn to love yourself. I bet you’re an amazing mum! You mean the world to your kids and romantic love might come again one day when you feel calmer and more at peace with yourself m.

It actually sounds like him and his friends were bullying you. Being mean to make you feel bad.

I am really worried you will lose everything, because everything starts and finishes with you and your children, not some random man that has treated you badly.

Please wake up op. Romantic love is not everything. It is just one small part of who you are and your life as a whole. You are giving it way too much of yourself. You have risked everything by taking an overdose, and you would have left your little children without a mother.

Please insist on getting some help today, and call 116 123 if you feel shaky again.
Can you call a friend to sit with you? Or your parents? Neighbours?

How old are your kids OP?

Kindly- No, you haven’t destroyed everything. Let this be a new start though.

Just write this relationship off. I know it feels awful now but it clearly isn’t good for you and you deserve better, but you’re not in any fit state to address that right now.

Go to the GP and be honest about your mental health. Get some medication and any counselling they can offer. If you are contacted by SS, you will be able to show them that you’re already trying to get better. Accept any help they offer you too.

For the next 6-9 months, prioritise sorting your mental health out and giving your kids stability. Make it your project for 2023. Then see where you’re at and how life feels.

You absolutely can turn this around and end up better off, I promise. 💐

I disagree.

We don't know the history of this relationship. The OP's partner could have reached breaking point due to OP's erratic/dramatic/unreasonable behaviour.

He's confided in a friend ("His friend said if you do one more thing that's it,he loves u but that's it.") and OP has gone home and swallowed a load of tablets.

I wouldn't be able/willing to continue a relationship under those circumstances. Everybody is bad mouthing the partner for doing exactly what they're recommending the OP does - i.e. leave a toxic relationship.

His friends sound pathetic.

I've struggled with mh and alcohol dependence for years, on a couple of occasions I harmed myself so badly I needed urgent medical attention. My children were never taken away but i received support and took steps to get better and now I am so much better. And you're better off out of this relationship. All the best to you x

Please never do this again, OP. I have known three people who killed themselves, and nursed countless others who tried and failed. It’s a TERRIBLE thing for families and friends to have to deal with, whether it succeeds or fails. This man is not worth killing yourself over, no man is worth that. You must resist all contact with him, but I suspect your self-esteem is so low you’ll welcome him back. But I hope for all your sakes that this has been the final straw for him, and he won’t be begging to come back. Sounds like a toxic relationship you’re all better off without.

Get urgent help, and ditch the partner.

Focus on your kids.

@ThisGirlNever I more meant them all seeming to gang up on her, having a go saying 'do one more thing' when she's already on eggshells isn't going to help. It's not for his friends to have a go.

He has done the right thing in leaving especially as the whole thing is toxic and OP clearly not well. But I don't think all of them saying things to her was right at all.

Absolutely agree.
It ruins families, even “ Attempts” puts terrible pressure on children.
The guilt felt by children deep into adult life is just so unfair on them when a parent threatens or makes attempts or actually does it.

It rarely brings an errant partner to heel.

Focus on your own emotions and children-
Drop the toxic partner.

If a relationship is healthy, no one threatens suicide.

My kids are 17, 15 and 9. I've contacted a local service and waiting for a call back.

I'm going to have to try and find work I think . I was due to start volunteering this week and an online course.
I think I've been a drain on him and as someone said I've proved it by my actions.
I do feel low but won't try anything again, the thought of my kids it's awful...they have been through enough.

Given the fact op is/has been suicidal, I am not sure it is helpful to dwell on the rights and wrongs of her dp and his friends here. The important thing is to focus entirely on op, and ensure she gets some help.

I am so glad to read you have contacted a service, and you can see what this would do to your children, whom love you very much op.

You can come through this, you still have everything to live for. Your children, your future, the summer, a new job at some point - and many many more years feeling better than you do now. You may feel crushed and all is lost, but really it isn't. All the things that matter are still in your life.

Please make sure you have someone with you today.

I'm going to have to try and find work I think . I was due to start volunteering this week and an online course.

Yes, do this! I've also found the gym (or exercise in general) helps my mental wellbeing. If a romantic relationship is not enhancing your life or if it's making you feel bad a lot of the time, you're stronger on your own. Please don't beat yourself up, you made a mistake, that's it.

You are still here, that is the important thing - and whilst you are still here there is still a great deal of hope for a much happier future.

Take up that volunteer job, carry on with the course. Start to look for independence emotionally and financially, so you are empowered in relationships. Vow to never let another man do this to you again.
Many have been there op, and once you hit the bottom, there is only one place left to go - upwards.

You have got this.

I think he is right that you are not in the right place for a relationship. You need to get help asap, what you did was very, very extreme and I don't know if it is just the way you have phrased your posts but it also comes across as manipulative. It isn't a healthy relationship for either of you. Concentrate on you and your children until you are in the right frame of mind for anything else.