To be envious of my cousin's youthful looks?

MinnieSmall · 2023-01-17T02:03:28+00:00

I attended a wedding the other week and was sat next to my older cousin. I am mid 30s she is 10 years older. Since my late 20s early 30s my skin has developed a lot of dryness, fine lines and now wrinkles. I also have sagging round my eyes. I have a lot of grey in my dark hair and dye it to colour it but despite deep conditioning treatments and olaplex my hair is dull and dry. Her hair was long dark thick and glossy. I was sitting very close to her and in good light and she had literally no wrinkles or even fine lines. Her face was very smooth and glowy and young looking. My skin is dry and I have lines all over my forehead, round my eyes, lips mouth, cheeks. My lip lines are very deep and I hate them as I never smoked. I was beautiful in my 20s but my skin has shrivelled in recent years. I did ask her her skincare but most of it seemed to be prevention so sun screen, tretinoin for decades, so sun, no alcohol etc. She never wears make up but a has such lovely skin she doesn't need it. She genuinely looks younger than me as does her mum who is 70 and also has lovely line free skin and looks decades younger so genes do play a part. Am I unreasonable to envy her?

FrozenGhost · 17/01/2023 02:30

Yanbu, I'm envious just hearing about her, lucky thing. I don't think its bad to be envious if you try to keep it light-hearted.

RhiWrites · 17/01/2023 02:34

There will always be a more beautiful woman but it sounds as though you need to see a dermatologist and/or invest in some skincare products.

ate you drinking enough water? Do you use a hydrating face wash? You can reduce the appearance of fine lines with retinol. Maybe you also need a clarifying shampoo.

I am not a skin or hair care expert but I follow some forums for this kind of thing.

Original poster

MinnieSmall · 17/01/2023 02:35

FrozenGhost · 17/01/2023 02:30

Yanbu, I'm envious just hearing about her, lucky thing. I don't think its bad to be envious if you try to keep it light-hearted.

Yeah it's a light hearted envy, I'm not planning on skinning her or anything. Just envious of her genetics and foresight!

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Original poster

MinnieSmall · 17/01/2023 02:38

I'm actually a qualified beauty therapist although I don't do it professionally anymore so I do know the drill but used cleaners, toners, moisturisers for years without sunscreen really, just spf 15 at most.

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Original poster

MinnieSmall · 17/01/2023 12:42

My training didn't go into retin a as except as a caution as it was at that point only medically prescribed.

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SleeplessInEngland · 17/01/2023 12:43

No sun or alcohol? Sounds like she earned it the hard way. And fair enough, if that's what she wanted.

Ponoka7 · 17/01/2023 12:51

I don't envy anyone who is alcohol free. Who are you trying to pull? Because if you aren't don't live your life around keeping your face youthful. I'm mid 50's, I tweak, do microneedling etc but I like seasonal drinking so zero alcohol is out. So is carrying shit tons of creams whenever I'm away. I often think about doing other cosmetic treatments, but then realise that I can have another break for the same cost.

Rickandmortified100 · 17/01/2023 12:52

I’m also a bit pissed off with her just from reading this 😂

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 17/01/2023 12:55

Envy is natural. If we feel unhappy with something and someone else has what we don't it's natural to notice.
The trick is getting your emotional equilibrium back so it doesn't eat into you.
Love bomb yourself on all your brilliant qualities and spend time with people who love you too remind yourself what you've got going for you.
It's not fun feeling down on yourself but everyone has it at some point, so don't feel alone.
I'm sure you're lovely.

Deeandra · 17/01/2023 12:55

SPF and Tretinoin will be what's done it! I wouldn't think of Tretinoin as just preventative. It's pretty much the only proven anti-aging ingredient there is!

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 17/01/2023 12:55

Rickandmortified100 · 17/01/2023 12:52

I’m also a bit pissed off with her just from reading this 😂

🤣🤣🤣🤣
Me too

SonnalpeDoctor · 17/01/2023 13:01

If her mum is the same then it's 75% good genes and nothing you can do will give you what you don't have in that department. I often get compliments on my skin (40s) and so does my mum (60s) we get in from my grandad who always had amazing skin and few lines. All we do is moisturise and I do a face mask approx 4 times a year when I remember. It's just luck.

Celia24 · 17/01/2023 13:02

I think it's mostly going to be genetics OP, especially has her mum looks the same.

My cousin is a few years older than me and has quite a few lines now. I notice her mum has the same lines and more of them.

I'm still mostly line free and my mum looks great for her age. But I also use retinol, stay hydrated and use a high SPF. When I don't do these things lines and dryness appear. All you can do is take care of your skin. The rest is down to genetics.

Wifflywafflywoo · 17/01/2023 13:23

I get told a lot that I have a "baby face" and don't look my age but I think it's more to do with my chipmunk cheeks and not using makeup a lot.

I've always avoided the sun and regularly get the piss taken out of me for my factor 50, shade obsession and hats. I barely drink alcohol, don't smoke and drink a lot of water.

Having IVF and my DD gave me wrinkles and a ton of grey hairs within months. Ventured timidly into the world of botox at the weekend in the hope of gently pushing back the wrinkles but I'm not going to fight them hard 😄. Your cousin sounds like she's won the skin lottery, I'd be jealous too!

Shitfather · 17/01/2023 13:35

What’s your lifestyle like? Water, sleep, junk, sugar, alcohol, smoking, exercise, stress management? There’s no substitute for food genetics and a healthy lifestyle.

minipie · 17/01/2023 13:42

I did ask her her skincare but most of it seemed to be prevention so sun screen, tretinoin for decades, no sun, no alcohol etc.

She doesn’t sound like she has had a whole lot of fun tbh. Imagine worrying about daily spf and tret in your 20s. And avoiding sun and alcohol all those years… many of my best memories involve sun and/or alcohol! There’s more to life than looking young.

Original poster

MinnieSmall · 17/01/2023 13:58

minipie · 17/01/2023 13:42

I did ask her her skincare but most of it seemed to be prevention so sun screen, tretinoin for decades, no sun, no alcohol etc.

She doesn’t sound like she has had a whole lot of fun tbh. Imagine worrying about daily spf and tret in your 20s. And avoiding sun and alcohol all those years… many of my best memories involve sun and/or alcohol! There’s more to life than looking young.

To be fair to her I think her dislike of sun and alcohol is just who she is and not done explicitly for the sake of her skin but it probably has helped. Also I think retin a and sof aren't that much of a hassle to use if you get into a routine I wish I had started 10 years ago.

I don't know I'd give up my sunny holidays though and if I was teetotal I'd probably not even be with my DH, we still enjoy a drink together and met when we were both party animals!

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Original poster

MinnieSmall · 17/01/2023 14:03

Shitfather · 17/01/2023 13:35

What’s your lifestyle like? Water, sleep, junk, sugar, alcohol, smoking, exercise, stress management? There’s no substitute for food genetics and a healthy lifestyle.

There was a good bit of sun and booze in my 20s and I still like the sun and a drink to be honest. Other than that I'm pretty normal for lifestyle and stress. Not really a fan of cooking so I do use preprepared food, jars of sauce for curries etc. My cousin is a good cook and I think makes most food from scratch which probably helps too.

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Original poster

MinnieSmall · 17/01/2023 14:04

Deeandra · 17/01/2023 12:55

SPF and Tretinoin will be what's done it! I wouldn't think of Tretinoin as just preventative. It's pretty much the only proven anti-aging ingredient there is!

I'm looking into it now, going to try it or some retinol first.

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Amortentia · 17/01/2023 14:07

minipie · 17/01/2023 13:42

I did ask her her skincare but most of it seemed to be prevention so sun screen, tretinoin for decades, no sun, no alcohol etc.

She doesn’t sound like she has had a whole lot of fun tbh. Imagine worrying about daily spf and tret in your 20s. And avoiding sun and alcohol all those years… many of my best memories involve sun and/or alcohol! There’s more to life than looking young.

You’re clearly not a ginger with a low tolerance for alcohol. 🤣 Whacking on spf50 is my life if I don’t want to burst into flames at the first sign of daylight. TBF, it has paid off because my skin is better than my sun worshiping peers.

Original poster

MinnieSmall · 17/01/2023 14:08

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 17/01/2023 12:55

Envy is natural. If we feel unhappy with something and someone else has what we don't it's natural to notice.
The trick is getting your emotional equilibrium back so it doesn't eat into you.
Love bomb yourself on all your brilliant qualities and spend time with people who love you too remind yourself what you've got going for you.
It's not fun feeling down on yourself but everyone has it at some point, so don't feel alone.
I'm sure you're lovely.

I wouldn't say it's eating away at me, I think she is an outlier who has both good genes and made good choices. I think most women my age and older look their age, have lines and less luxurious hair etc or at least that is the evidence on my eyes so I'm not some old crone just average. I think it's just seeing what is possible for some is a bit of a jolt.

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minipie · 17/01/2023 14:11

I think retin a and sof aren't that much of a hassle to use if you get into a routine

I didn’t mean so much the hassle of doing it, more just being the sort of person that thinks about that stuff in their 20s. I’m a similar age to your cousin and 20 years ago nobody I knew was thinking about anti ageing so she must have been a little bit —looks obsessed— unusual? I was definitely happier in my 20s not thinking about anti ageing products, even if it means I’m wrinklier now.

One other thought: have you recently had DC? Are her DC older or non existent? I probably looked at my most haggard in the years when DC were under 5, my skin has improved since then. Women I know without DC look younger definitely. Apologies if this is not applicable.

Phrenologistsfinger · 17/01/2023 14:12

People always say I look younger than 40 but iI suspect being childless, alcohol free. a vegan whole-food diet and chomping down a billion anti-oxidants, dhea and growth hormone for IVF/infertility have something to do with it! I think kids can age people (lack of sleep!) but would choose that over my infertility any day!

Original poster

MinnieSmall · 17/01/2023 14:18

minipie · 17/01/2023 14:11

I think retin a and sof aren't that much of a hassle to use if you get into a routine

I didn’t mean so much the hassle of doing it, more just being the sort of person that thinks about that stuff in their 20s. I’m a similar age to your cousin and 20 years ago nobody I knew was thinking about anti ageing so she must have been a little bit —looks obsessed— unusual? I was definitely happier in my 20s not thinking about anti ageing products, even if it means I’m wrinklier now.

One other thought: have you recently had DC? Are her DC older or non existent? I probably looked at my most haggard in the years when DC were under 5, my skin has improved since then. Women I know without DC look younger definitely. Apologies if this is not applicable.

She really isn't that looks obsessed, never wears make up, jewellery or glamorous clothing ( I myself love a bit of glitz and make up and as I said I trained in beauty therapy). I think she had retin a on prescription for keratosis pilaris on her arms and started using it on her face then. I do think she probably wanted to keep her skin nice as she doesn't like make up.

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Strawberrypicnic · 17/01/2023 14:20

If you start using tretinoin now you will definitely see improvement! You're not too late to start at all.