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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Disappearing cat

23 replies

Jas5mum · 17/01/2023 00:02

July 2015 we got 2 cats. They were meant ro be girls but turned out to be boys. They aren't the biggest fans of each other. 1 loves people and 1 prefers to be left alone.

In the summer holidays one of them didn't come back. I think it was too noisy and he didn't like it. He's an all black cat and there's loads in the area so pointless putting up missing cat posters.

Fast forward to December and he turned up at the door, DD2 got him in but OH said it wasn't him and let him out.
2nite I went to feed the other cat and he was at the window so I let him in. It looks like him, he let me pick him up and take him upstairs to OH without fuss. He seems to know his way around the house. Sounds like him. I offered him food but he didnt want it so I assume someone has been feeding him.
I've left him in as I want to go to the vets tomorrow to check his microchip but OH is all stroppy about it saying if he meows I have to let him out. Whose being unreasonable?
I'm 99% sure its him, he's asleep in the buggy just like he used to...I've really missed him...

OP posts:

XenoBitch · 17/01/2023 00:04

YABU for getting a cat, have it go missing, then not knowing if it is actually yours.

JamNittyGritty · 17/01/2023 00:06

YANBU
my all black cat disappeared a few years ago- I still call her name when I see any cats that look like her in the hope one might be her.
I would do exactly the same as you if a cat I thought was her turned up

watcherintherye · 17/01/2023 00:08

XenoBitch · 17/01/2023 00:04

YABU for getting a cat, have it go missing, then not knowing if it is actually yours.

He might have lost weight or put on weight and cats which are all one colour with no distinguishing markings will be harder to recognise.

DuplicateUserName · 17/01/2023 00:08

I'd probably do the same until I got it scanned but did you really have a cat for 7 years and you can't recognise it, or have I got the maths wrong?

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 17/01/2023 00:09

Is his name Cheshire?

purpleme12 · 17/01/2023 00:12

Of course you need to keep it in and check the microchip

TheMightyOak · 17/01/2023 00:30

How can you not know if it's him or not? I find that really odd. I know black cats look similar but surely his mannerisms, meow, gait etc are distinguishable?

TheMightyOak · 17/01/2023 00:32

Oh and you were also Bu by not putting any posters up etc when he went missing 🤨

purpleme12 · 17/01/2023 00:35

TheMightyOak · 17/01/2023 00:32

Oh and you were also Bu by not putting any posters up etc when he went missing 🤨

So true.
Especially when you say he's microchipped!

SirenSays · 17/01/2023 01:07

How could he risk chucking him out, what if he's yours?!
If you can't get into the vet you can buy microchip scanners online

TheMightyOak · 17/01/2023 09:41

So OP, are you going to take him to the vets to be scanned? Surely it’s got to be him, poor thing.

Honeyroar · 17/01/2023 09:44

I think the OP is pretty sure he’s their cat, but her husband has wobbled her judgement by saying that it’s not. Get the chip scanned - find out for sure..

whyhere · 17/01/2023 10:30

This, plus other reasons, is why my cats are always indoor only.

ifonly4 · 17/01/2023 10:55

I can't believe you wouldn't know if it's your cat, but at the same time I just couldn't live with myself if I didn't know if it was him. If he looks well, he's probably got another home by now though, but at least you know he's safe.

Hope you find out soon if he's yours.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 17/01/2023 11:06

Our dcat had changed so much these past few months I def wouldn't recognise her.. Unless she went near my ddogs. Never seen such a feisty one!
Hopefully it is yours and your dh can stfu.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 17/01/2023 11:13

I'm 99% sure its him, he's asleep in the buggy just like he used to...

Sounds like he's yours but your OH wants to set things up so that he runs away again.

Needmorelego · 17/01/2023 11:17

I'd definitely get his chip checked incase it's a different cat who has an owner searching for him.
If he is yours (or has no chip and no one claims him) then he should definitely stay.
If husband doesn't like it....he can go live outdoors.
Reminds me of this....

Crunchymum · 17/01/2023 11:24

I mean it's a bit shit to say you don't know your own cat and didn't bother to put up missing posters as there are too many similar cats around.

Coffeeandchocs · 17/01/2023 11:31

YABU for this alone
there's loads in the area so pointless putting up missing cat posters

You’re telling me your cat went missing and you didn’t go to any effort at all to find him? That’s honestly awful.

helpfulperson · 17/01/2023 11:42

I went outside in response to sounds of a cat fight yesterday and found three black cats in the garden. It took me a while to work out which my two were. I can understand not being sure a black cat is yours or not if it's been away a while.

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 17/01/2023 12:56

We had an nearly all black cat (white spot on his tummy), and there was another cat who from a distance was his twin. Would spend time chasing a cat I was sure was ours to get him back in the house (he would follow us to the shops), only to find our cat safe at home.

Current cat is all black. Completely different eye shape to old cat and doppelganger cat. And doesn't follow me to have a nice trip out and see what I'm up to, if he follows me it's to bite my legs and drive me back into the house - I think he has some anxiety about abandonment (rescue cat).

Original poster

Jas5mum · 27/01/2023 00:55

So this was last monday the night it snowed and said cat has come back 3 times since then. I know its him by how he acts and the other cat doesn't attack him(they're brothers).

You can tell he's been looked after as his coat is shiny and he's not skinny or anything. There was a family in a house behind ours that moved out this week so I wonder if they were feeding him and now they're gone...

He's currently asleep in his basket so we'll see if he asks to go out at 5.30am like he did when I wrote this post(didnt check the chip due to snow!)

OP posts:

saltinesandcoffeecups · 27/01/2023 01:25

In fairness it is hard with black cats. There used to be 2 in neighborhood and there is no way I didn’t grab the wrong from time to time… especially hard when both of them are growling at each other in the middle of the night and no glasses for me.

but yeah OP- you sound rather blasé about your cat gone missing and not making a real effort when he looked for greener pastures…that I don’t understand

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