Please advise on bed time with two little ones

[chiwaawa]

I have an almost 3 year old and 9 month old..

My H does not get home until around 8:30-9 pm every night and I'm finding it really difficult to get them both to bed on time.

3 year old has started at a nursery where we need to be there at 8:30 am, ready to go.

The little one used to be easier to get to sleep, but is now taking ages and I need time alone with her to get her to sleep.

I used to plonk the older one in front of the iPad while I went across the hall to put the little one to bed. If things were taking longer, often older one would come in and cause havoc and they'd both be awake really late. Pretty much until dad gets home and then I can put the little one to bed in peace.

This means they're both not asleep until 9-9:30 or later for the older one. It used to not be as much of an issue ( although far from ideal ), as she tended to then wake up at 8 or even later and we'd get to nursery by 9 or later. But it wasn't an issue. Now we need to be out of the house by 8 am and I'm finding it impossible.

Any advice on how to put two children this age to bed? The older one used to come with me to put the little one to bed sometimes when she was younger and it worked, but the little one is much more difficult now etc.

Thanks for reading, sorry for posting here. At my wits end !

The ipad is probably stimulating the older one.

We used to do bath at 6.30 into pj's and then turn lights lower down and have a story and in bed by 7.30 at that age. Husband generally home around that time so was better if they were down before he got in

Can you be more specific ? Did you put the younger one down first ? Or both at the same time in the same room ? Or how did it work ?

Mine are very similar age gap (2 years almost to the day). I normally played it by ear based on which seemed more tired. But generally my eldest was easier to put to bed at that age. So both would be prepped and ready for bed at 7-7.30. Then I'd spend 15 minutes getting my eldest sorted/tucked in whilst the little one crawled about in the room with us (I broadly ignored him whilst he was crawling around). Then I'd scoop the little one up, we'd both 'blow kisses ' from the door and then leave my eldest to fall asleep.

That would then give me the quiet I needed to settle the youngest as he was still feeding to sleep.
So generally eldest was tucked up and falling asleep by 7.45pm, the youngest was fed and asleep by 8.

Either way, I'd recommend you prioritise your eldest. Your youngest can make up for the late bed time with naps etc. But your eldest has to be up and ready.

This is helpful thank you. It highlights my issue more clearly to me. I could never just blow a kiss at the eldest and have her fall asleep. I always stay with her until she falls asleep or she gets very upset.. not a good situation at all.

Ah, in that case I would still aim to prioritise your eldest. What's your routine for her? Can your littlest be incorporated into that routine instead? So maybe trying to get the baby to chill out with you both I'm your eldest's room whilst your eldest falls asleep?

Appreciate that seems unlikely if they're anything like my two... If my youngest (now 16 months) even touches my eldest he complains 🙄. But I know lots of co sleeping families so it must be possible 🙂

I have DC the same ages. When I do bedtime by myself I can put them to bed in either order depending on baby’s naps.

I bathe them both together, dress baby outside the bathroom while toddler has a final play. Take both into toddler’s room and get her dressed. If toddler goes to bed first, I do stories with them both, sing our bedtime song to eldest and give her a cuddle and say goodnight and she goes to sleep. Then take baby to her room, final breastfeed and then do her song and pop her in the cot to sleep. If baby goes to bed first I leave toddler in her room with the monitor on and she ‘reads’ to herself (she recites her books to herself, it’s very cute). Take baby to her room and do feed, song, into the cot. Take her monitor into toddler’s room and make sure she goes down okay while I do stories, cuddles, and song with eldest. Both DC fall asleep happily by themselves which is great. When the youngest needed me to stay with her to fall asleep, it didn’t take very long so I just took a bit longer to get back to the toddler. This was never a problem, though it is easier now the baby will fall asleep by herself.

If your baby takes a while to go down do you need to reconsider the daytime routine? Can you work on getting your toddler to fall asleep by herself?

Oh I could have written your post, I find it very difficult too and my eldest also doesn’t just go to sleep without me being with them in the room for at least a little bit while they settle in their bed.

I do bath together, pjs and milk for the youngest together, teeth and story together and then it gets a bit tricky with them both in separate rooms (next to each other) and both wanting me when I put them down.

Currently what’s working for us is taking the eldest (almost 3) to their room and asking them to put their soft toys to bed and read them a story when I put the youngest to bed who is just over 1. Then I hope I can get the youngest one down quickly enough before the eldest finishes the toy bedtime routine and then do the 3 year old! It takes some juggling and I’m sure we’ll have to invent a new activity to busy them soon enough…

Im going to lurk on this thread in the hope of tips from others I can use too!

I think @AnnaTortoiseshell is right that with both kids / baby needing you with them when they fall asleep or near enough you’ve got to choose which one to leave for a bit on their own. I actually don’t mind staying with the eldest a little bit while they settle but it does make life a little trickier

I used to start the bath quite early, get them in their pyjamas , we’d all play upstairs for a bit with no screens involved. I’d put the youngest down first and then the toddler. All done by 7.30. I timed it so they were in bed before my DH got in and got them
going.
I also made sure my youngest didn’t have too late a nap. At that age he had a longer nap late morning and a 20 minute car nap at about 3. Soon after it changed to one nap.

Mine had comfort blankets as soon as they were given these at bedtime they’d fall asleep on their own.

We have 1 year old twins and a 2 year old. Tea is 5 bathtime between 6-6.30 then half an hour play and a plain biscuit and then there all in bed, bottles for twins and Teddy for 2 year old..all usually asleep from 7pm onwards for the night...had this routine for months works a treat for us. I certainly wouldn't do ipad tv anything stimulating.Good luck :)

I at this age I found it was easier to get my older one to sleep first then the younger one; so we’d do bath time at 6.30; 3 year old in bed by 7 with both of them there for story time and general settling of 3 year old then once she was settled I’d take my younger one into bedroom to get to sleep. With any luck I’d be done by 7.45.
my 3 year old had a stair gate on her room to prevent her wandering at night but it also meant that she couldn’t come in and disturb me putting younger one to bed, she might call to me but easier to manage.
as my baby got older that routine has now switched to me settling the younger one while my older one looks at a book and waits for their “special grown up story time” which doesn’t happen if they disturb their younger sibling

At that time my eldest would go to bed first, c.7pm- my 9 month old used to sleep
quite late, c.9pm- but considering two day naps
it didn’t really matter.
my advice tackle the eldest- tv before bed I’ve found to be fine but a tablet nope

Bedtime starts at 6, no TV or screens from 5. Play with toys, hide and seek, colouring. Good time or eat tea and just chat.

Up for a bath, once both dressed and dried read to them both in toddlers bed around 6.30. Tell toddler you’ll put baby down and come back to them. Or that it’s night and time to put baby down.

Mine have similar gap years between them. 1 and 3.

If your eldest needs you with her to get to sleep, I'd put a mattress on the floor of her room and then lie down there with the baby until she falls asleep. If you have room for it, you could also try sticking the baby in a travel cot with some toys in the hall outside your older one's room while you deal with the eldest.

I had a 20 month gap. I always prioritised getting the older one down first and just kept the baby with me, on my knee, while putting the toddler to bed. Toddler was in bed by 7, then I’d concentrate on the baby (however long that took).

I did it completely differently and basically did everything with them together including cuddling them both to sleep at the same time (we bought a double bed for the kids' room which has been a godsend including for sleepovers now). Then I'd extricate myself and move the baby into a safer sleeping situation. I realise this might be the opposite to what you want to do! But I always enjoyed it.

@AnnaTortoiseshell that sounds a lovely bedtime routine but genuinely you have/had babies that sleep! No amount of singing and popping my child into bed would have stopped the hours crying of crying and screaming and screaming and crying.

OP I would try getting the older one in bed first, maybe an audiobook with a reward if they can listen for 20 minutes or something. I think iPads are too interactive so if you need a screen (no judgment at all here I do not know how people managed with an hour of childrens TV BBC) a tv or set the iPad up so it’s just a screen and they can’t touch it or change what they are watching Good luck!

Maybe the older one could listen to an audiobook while you get the little one sorted. Can be quite relaxing and there’s no issue with blue light.

I put both in my bed with baby on one side feeding to sleep and my then 4yr old on the other side who would go to sleep fine as long as I was with her. Then I’d slide baby over into her side car cot once asleep and move eldest to her own room.

Both needed me to get to sleep and my DH worked away. This was the only way that meant everyone got enough sleep. At 7 and nearly 4 now it’s much easier and both sleep fine without me.

Your post kind of made me shudder remembering those days.
I also did older one first at that age- similar age gap.

Good luck it's really hard, will get better- mine are 15 and 11 and cause a different type of bedtime chaos ( ie they don't go until late )

@Oinkypig you’re right that have DC that can go to sleep by themselves, and a toddler I can leave in her room safely for a few minutes. I’m lucky in that respect, it makes things a million times easier! I’m yet to convince the baby that she wants to sleep at night though!

OP I was wondering the same about the audiobook. Is it possible she would fall asleep listening to it? I do think working towards independently falling asleep for at least one of the DC would make bedtime a little easier. I wonder if bustling in and out of the toddler’s room as she listens to an audiobook might help her learn that skill in a calm way.

Going against the grain, I try and get my baby down first. I take him up for a final feed while my eldest watches some tv. Then I put him in his cot awake to fall asleep by himself. He's 10 months. I then go back down to DD and take her up to bed, do stories etc. She's 4 and her bedtime routine has a lot more to it so I prefer to do it last.

I have a 3 year old and a 9 month old. Big one has consistently gone to sleep at 9 since a baby no matter what i do, so we get ready and go upstairs around 8pm, read stories and settle him in bed. Since 2 he's accepted going to bed awake though will sometimes call me back for extra cuddles. I then take the baby to her room for stories and feed her to sleep by 9.30-10pm. It's late but I'm hoping we can get her settled quicker as she gets bigger. Not sure if it helps as children are so different, but definitely think putting the big one to bed first makes life easier for us.