Please advise on bed time with two little ones

[chiwaawa]

I have an almost 3 year old and 9 month old..

My H does not get home until around 8:30-9 pm every night and I'm finding it really difficult to get them both to bed on time.

3 year old has started at a nursery where we need to be there at 8:30 am, ready to go.

The little one used to be easier to get to sleep, but is now taking ages and I need time alone with her to get her to sleep.

I used to plonk the older one in front of the iPad while I went across the hall to put the little one to bed. If things were taking longer, often older one would come in and cause havoc and they'd both be awake really late. Pretty much until dad gets home and then I can put the little one to bed in peace.

This means they're both not asleep until 9-9:30 or later for the older one. It used to not be as much of an issue ( although far from ideal ), as she tended to then wake up at 8 or even later and we'd get to nursery by 9 or later. But it wasn't an issue. Now we need to be out of the house by 8 am and I'm finding it impossible.

Any advice on how to put two children this age to bed? The older one used to come with me to put the little one to bed sometimes when she was younger and it worked, but the little one is much more difficult now etc.

Thanks for reading, sorry for posting here. At my wits end !

I had a similar (but slightly smaller) age gap. I would actually co sleep as it was easier for me - but you could probably do the same thing and then manoeuvre a bit when asleep…eldest would pick stories and we would sit in bed reading them whilst i would try to get baby to sleep (I did bf her so that might have helped but I’m sure you could cuddle/rock/rub/shush etc - then when she was asleep I would quietly lay her down and then get the oldest to sleep(lie with her and cuddle.) I guess at this point then you could move little one to a cot or wherever? But I used to just put a pillow in between so they wouldn’t kick each other and watch on the monitor!

We do something like this atm. Baby is younger but we cuddle in with the eldest until they're asleep and then I take the baby downstairs with me.

This is what I did when the baby was younger and it worked well. Now the baby is just crawling everywhere and disruptive, it's much more difficult. I'll try tonight though, because it would be ideal.

A bath used to be too stimulating for my preschooler so I resorted to midnight g showers instead. I also used to cosleep, so one on each side for naps and bedtimes and they used to fall asleep. There's a bastard of a sleep regression between 8-10 months so beware of that. It coincides with the baby picking up more skills, like crawling, standing up, etc. which is brutal until it lasts. Also, ditch the iPad. It's stimulating your 3 year old instead of allowing them to wind down.

To get mine ready for bed now, we still lay together in one bed, tell stories, etc. and then I split them up into their own beds/rooms and let them settle themselves. I put the baby monitors on and let them get on with it.

Morning showers*

Older one to bed first and I leave them with a Tonie box thing playing stories! Much better than tablet, not over stimulating.

Following as I have exactly the same problem.

I do similar to this when solo.

Not going to be a popular opinion I'm sure but we did some gentle sleep training with the baby at this age and it really helped.

So now we all go up and get ready for bed together and into PJs by 6.30ish. Then all go into toddler room and read stories. Baby at this point is usually on the floor in PJs playing with something and just listening to stories. After 3 books I put the Tonie box on for the toddler and he picks which story he wants to listen to.

Then take baby into his room and put him down with a song and cuddle. Sometimes in the room for 5 mins while he winds down. Back then to toddler who is usually asleep so I just tuck in. If awake I give him a cuddle and ask him about the story. Then back to baby if he's still crying and a bit of shush/pat.

I sort of go back and forth between them which sounds exhausting but honestly they both usually only take one visit each and are asleep by 7.30

My children share a room and I have a 30
Month age gap so when my baby was 9 months the eldest was still 3 and at nursery.

Bathtime at 6.30 until 7. Both into pjs and baby goes to bed first as I would be able to get him down in about 15 mins (milk and pretty much straight to sleep).

While I was putting baby to bed the 3 year old would be downstairs on his own watching a cartoon drinking his milk. Both kept very separate as there is no way the Baby goes to sleep while his big brother is there.

I then spent 20 mins reading and having time with the eldest before he goes to sleep.

OP, mine are almost exactly the same age as yours - 9m and just turned 3.

My 3yo eats tea at nursery at 4.30 and so doesn't need a full on evening meal. When DH isn't here our afternoons/evenings go like this -

4.30pm - I give the baby his "tea" (last solids of the day)
5pm - leave to get the bigger one from nursery
5.30pm ish - we get in and the first thing we do is bathtime and get into pyjamas
6.15pm ish - 3yo has a snack before bed, eg a cup of milk and a banana or a bowl of cereal or something and baby has his last bottle of the day. We read a story together and then we go upstairs and brush teeth.
6.45pm ish - I put baby down. This usually takes 10/15 minutes of walking around in the dark singing to baby and then putting him in his cot and rubbing his back when he goes to sleep. During this time 3yo plays in his room by himself. He doesn't have screens but he does have toys in there that the baby isn't allowed to play with (the main one is a garage with small parts/delicate mechanism), so he can be persuaded to play by himself for a short time. His room is just next door to mine so I can hear him. Occasionally he comes in and this does slow things down but he's learning not to.
7pm ish - I read a couple of stories to the bigger one, tuck him in and sing lullabies to him until he falls asleep about 7.30/7.45pm. (If DH does bedtime he just plonks him in bed and leaves but DS likes me signing to him and it's cute so I don't mind).

3yo almost always sleeps through until 6.30/7am. The baby doesn't yet...

Until about 2 months ago, it took longer to settle the baby and the bigger one wouldn't play independently so well, so then I used to put baby in a bouncer while I read toddler's stories and then cuddle/feed baby to sleep in my arms while singing to toddler. Then when toddler asleep move baby to cot.

Thank you so much. Sounds like a good routine!

I pick up my 3 year old at 3, so we are then home by 3:30 pm, so I need to kill a bit more time, but I'll try and start the routine when you do.

The baby also does not sleep through at all, so you have my sympathies.

Yesterday, last bottle at 8. Then up at midnight for another bottle and then up at 3:45, another bottle down and then just annoying crying from 5 am !

I'm so tired!

The priority is ur 2 year old definitely I'd say you have two options-

6pm Bath/teeth/pjs
630pm 2 yr old plays/listens to a story
whilst you get baby to bed
7pm story and lights out for 2 year old ideally asleep by 730

Or

630pm bath/pjs/teeth
7pm story with 2 year old then stay with them and bf /soothe baby in the room
730pm transfer baby to cot

I'd say first one is better if manageable

I know the nightmare...
I ended up buying a double bed and putting them to bed together with me in the middle. The little one usually fell asleep first and then I would cuddle the elder child for a few mins longer before picking up baby and putting her in her own bed.
It killed 2 birds with 1 stone - and I got to have a lie down ... haha it wasn't particularly stress free as you lie there thinking about all the shit you still have to do downstairs. I think I would be more chilled about it nowadays though.. the days are long but the years are short.
My DH was never home in the evening either - and I worked full time. I tried to see it as my quality time with the kids
Good luck though xx

You could try a Tonie Box or Yoto for the older one. Or everyone together in your bed for settling them transfer.

Pop the baby in a sling while you get the older one to bed, and sort the baby afterwards.

Separate rooms. Older one would get in bed while I put younger down and then I would go to tuck the other in after and turn light out

I would put the baby down and then do the toddler, but the baby was very good at getting off to sleep on his own. For nights when the baby wasnt cooperating I would either put the cot mobile on, or the sounds and lights thingy that played lullabys and projected colours onto the ceiling. Other times I would put the baby in a bouncy seat in the toddlers bedroom and jiggle like mad with my toe while reading stories and settling the toddler. Telling the toddler he was a big boy and could he show the baby how to go to sleep on his own also helped. Having the baby crawling around was always a recipe for disaster, so he had to be contained

Start early with bath and quiet bedtime routine. Dump the iPad.

Put them both into pajamas, then focus on the older one.
Read or sing, all three of you together, when she's in bed, nursing the baby as needed. Sit together in the quiet room, hopefully with the baby nodding off too. Do you have a comfortable chair to sit on in the bedroom?

Creep out with the baby when the older one has fallen asleep.

I co-slept with both and like PP said for us on the most tired one. Lie with the toddler while BF the baby and see which one drops off first.

Often o fell asleep too 😅

I have a 3 year old and a 10 month old, and do have to do bedtime by myself if DH is home late. I get them both ready downstairs (bathroom is downstairs), so nappies, pyjamas and teeth all done. Then all go up, get big one in bed and I feed the baby while the 3 year old goes to sleep. Then go into our bedroom, see if he wants any more milk and put him to bed.

Switch to water at 3:45 am. Can dad do this one on Friday and Saturday nights?

The baby doesn't need all that night time milk.

You could also feed the baby her last solids a good bit later. If the baby guzzles down the 3:45 bottle she may be hungry.

Longtime ago for me. As I remember it bath together little one out first while big one gets more water and bubbles as well as some small parts toys. Dress little one for bed with clean nappy and breast feed while big one plays in Bath. Then little into cot whilst big one out and into pj's then bed. If little still awake tell big one to stay in bed while you see to baby, will be back soon, maybe put audio book on. Back to little one for another breast feed/ rock/ pat up to 10 mins, then return to 2 year old.

Lifesavers for me were:
Having EVERYTHING ready earlier in the day (sometimes before DH left for work in the morning)so no time wasted finding pj's, nappies, towels etc in the evening.

Starting earlier than you think you need to, definitely all upstairs by 6pm latest, often 5:30 on winter nights.

Mine are the same age gap and I could have written this back when the baby was 9 months old. It's still a challenge now, but a bit better as the baby (17 months) is better at settling to sleep. I used to be able to put the older one down and then go and sort out the baby, but that's no longer feasible as they now share a bedroom.

We found the yoto to be really helpful. Bath, teeth, pyjamas and baby friendly stories together, and then the older one snuggles up in our bed with some animals/magic colouring book to listen to stories while I try and get the baby down to sleep. Depending on how long the baby takes then either the older child goes straight to bed or has another 'older' story with me. If the baby hasn't settled after about 15 min then I give up and get the big sister, and then desperately try not to get too frustrated while they settle themselves (the older one by repeatedly reorganising their bedclothes, the younger one by singing to themself!). It's stressful and DH and I both go out of our way to avoid single parent bedtimes, so I sympathise - it will get easier with time, but I know that's cold comfort now!

OMG I'm so jealous. My 2 DC are a similar age and don't fully settle til 10pm!